I have learned a lot
about saying ‘goodbye’ in the last few weeks. It has never been something I was
good at. I remember COUNTLESS tear-filled departures through the years, whether
it was after being dropped off for a week of camp, spending the night with a
friend, or driving off for college. I have been dreading the goodbyes of
leaving my amazing co-workers and friends in Texas, and my family as I leave
for Cambodia.
I always cry and I hate
for people to see that vulnerable side of me. But as I went through all the ‘lasts’
in Texas and finally reached the day where I hugged everyone and stepped out of
the office for the last time as the administrative assistant, I learned to
embrace the tears and let them come. I learned to pause and take note of the
last time I took the DART or enjoyed Saturday morning coffee with Lena, or
hugged my pastor on a Sunday morning. Instead of giving in to a deep sense of
grief, I learned to celebrate what those moments represented and the people
that made them special. I learned that sometimes it is easier on me to check
out emotionally and stop caring, to pull back. But that isn't necessarily what
others need from me. Goodbyes are not one-sided! I have long been selfish in
feeling only my own pain in saying goodbye.
I will probably continue
to shed tears when I give those goodbye hugs, but I am learning to look beyond
myself to all that God has given me and to celebrate those gifts even as the
tears fall down.
