Finding Joy in Christmas Cookies (and in Jesus)

Everyone has their own fun family traditions around the holidays. I have always LOVED my family's traditions, and last year I did my best to keep them up even though I was living on the other side of the world away from my family for the first time at Christmas. It just wasn't the same though, even if it was a special day.

This year The Lord whispered to my heart that maybe I was holding on to the traditions too tightly, creating unrealistic expectations and setting myself up for disappointment once again. So, this year I have been trying to make things special in their own Cambodian-style way, not necessarily throwing out my favorite traditions but being okay with starting new ones and tweaking others. Here are a few examples:

- On Christmas morning my family always has special little boxes of cereal and cran-apple or cran-grape juice. No cereal for me this year, but get some cranberry juice and grape juice, mix it together and there you have it: a familiar Christmas treat.

- My mother always makes a whole bunch of super amazing Christmas cookies that are absolutely the best ever. I knew there was no way I could reproduce that magic here, but that didn't mean throwing Christmas baking out the window all together! I managed to whip together a delightful batch of gingerbread cookies, full of all of the flavors of Christmas. I was also overjoyed when I realized we had all the ingredients to make homemade Turtles, a special candy we always liked to give my mom. This was made possible in large part due to the sweet Christmas gifts that were given to us by one of our supporting churches! Just for fun, I have included the recipe below.

- Christmas programs here are not really anything like they are in America, but that doesn't mean singing "Silent Night" or Khmer carols can't be special! This year I found joy in the fact that I could sing along, understand and read the words for myself. What a gift!

- We didn't necessarily watch many Christmas movies as a family, we normally opted for another genre that we enjoyed all together. Kristin and I have found a few new holiday favorites this year that give us the opportunity to experience snow and Christmas trees and presents through the screen! I think this will become one of our yearly traditions.

While it may be hard to be away from loved ones at Christmas, God is so good to give sweet gifts and moments that remind us that He is near.


Homemade Turtle Candies recipe
8 oz. pecan halves
25 caramel squares
1/4 cup cream or half-and-half
16. oz. chopped chocolate, melted (dark or milk)
sea salt, optional for sprinking

Line baking sheets or platters with parchment paper.

Make small piles of pecans, 5 or 6 per pile, overlapping to reduce gaps.

Melt caramels and cream over low heat, stirring frequently. The mixture will be runny at first but will firm up quickly. Add 1 tablespoon caramel to each pile of pecans.

Melt chocolate, and add 2 tablespoons to each candy.

Add a pinch of sea salt if desired.

Allow to firm up before serving. Store in the fridge or freezer (or at room temperature in an air-tight container if you don't live in the tropics).

I made a few candies using almonds (so as not to use up all our precious pecans). I also used a combination of dark and semi-sweet chocolate. If you like salty and sweet, adding just a hint of sea salt is so delicious! Also, you can melt the caramel and chocolate in the microwave if you are so inclined and if you own one, which we do not. Enjoy!

Happy Tummies, Happy Hearts

While I was home I got to spend time with my sister and her family, watching my nephew Caleb go through his daily routines. When he was hungry his cries punctured the air, growing in intensity until he got what he wanted. His tummy full, his face relaxed in contentment, he could be lulled to sleep or happy just to lay in your lap and watch your face.

We don't do well when we are hungry, do we? Problems seem bigger, we get irritated faster. I remember in college trying to make a decision with friends on whether to order pizza or brave the weather one snowy night and head over to the cafeteria for supper. What should have been a fairly simple decision was made more complicated by our rumbling tummies. It is hard to let the hunger sit for long before we open up the fridge, rustle in the cupboard, looking for something to satisfy us.

We do the same in our spirits too. We fill our days and our hearts and minds with things that drown out the hunger pains gnawing at our insides. Anything to take away the ache, to make us feel full. But the temporary fixes never satisfy for long, soon we are hungry again for something, anything that will make us happy.

Jesus longs to fill every crevice of our heart with all of His fullness. He is everything we long for, everything we need and He desires to ease our hunger pains with His Goodness, with all of who He is. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation so that you may know him better (Ephesians 1:17). As God starts to fill us, the more we get to know Him the more we want to go deeper, to keep on knowing more. Like when we have a friend we think we know pretty well only to discover some super cool secret talent or passion we never would have guessed they have. We have only scratched the surface of understanding who God is, and He wants our hunger for Him to increase to know Him more.

...the fullness of him who fills everything in every way (Ephesians 1:23) I want God to uncover the layers of desire in my heart so that He can pour in all of His glorious riches to those places. I want to stop filling the hungry spots with things that will never satisfy and instead keep running to the One who can fill me with all of Himself, all of his fullness.

What Happened to the Miracles?

I was practicing the story of the 10 Commandments with a friend and he was full of questions. We discussed the ins and outs of God's powerful meeting with the Israelite people described in Exodus 19 and 20, how they had to get themselves ready, His display through the thunder and lightening and smoke-covered, quaking mountain. At the end he asked, "Why doesn't God do miracles today like He did then? Like the parting of the Red Sea, this encounter on Mount Sinai?"

Why doesn't God do miracles like this today? Consider with me the gifts and knowledge of God that we have now, that the Israelites didn't have. We have God's Word, the stories of His presence with the Israelite people, the instructions given throughout, the coming of Jesus to earth. If we want to know more about who God is, we can discover Him in the pages of the Bible. This band of former slaves leaving Egypt didn't have that. They knew God as He revealed Himself to them, and it was pretty important that they knew He was the God above all gods, God all-powerful. He intersected with their lives through these powerful encounters, the miracles He performed for them. This wasn't the only way He got His message across, but it was one of the big ways the Israelites and others learned who He was.

Just because we have God's Word, does that mean miracles have gone by the wayside? I would say no. I hear stories of God's mighty work in people's lives, stories of His touch of healing, His provision out of nowhere. How else can you explain a woman who comes to Christ, who has never in her life been able to read, who prays and suddenly she can read God's written Word? How else do you explain a man on his death bed who surrenders to Christ, decides to love Jesus whether he lives or dies?  Everyone had given up hope, there was no more the doctors could do. Last weekend he climbed up on the stage to testify to God's power and healing touch, his body restored, his faith strong. When Jesus shows Himself in dreams and visions in the places where preaching is not allowed, where punishment and persecution awaits a commitment to Jesus. I believe God is still performing miracles because He wants to show up, to show His heart and desire to draw people to Himself. While my friend didn't see it, didn't want to acknowledge it, we can't miss God's intersection with us in big ways and little ones.

Playing Tug-of-War with the Joy-stealers

Psalm 123:1-2 I lift up my eyes to you, to you whose throne is in heaven. As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maid look to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to The Lord our God, till he shows us mercy. 

Every single day, just about every moment, we are bombarded by joy-stealers trying to wrap their little tentacles around our hearts and pull the joy right out of us. They might take the form of a calendar filled to the brim, a broken-down washing machine and piled up dishes, unmet expectations, the completely mundane and ordinary and the incredibly tragic and heart-breaking. We can be skipping along whistling a tune when out of nowhere along comes a joy-stealer to trip us up.

I have had my share of joy-stealers this week, at moments letting them win, and other times playing tug-of-war with them. No, you may not have my joy, thank you! In the midst of it all, I made the journey with the Israelites up to Jerusalem, up through the Psalms of Ascent (Psalm 120-134), and I was reminded of this important truth. My position is to look up- because God is God, and I am not. Who am I to wave around my placard demanding my rights, my way, like some demonstrator in a big rally, declaring all of this is utterly unfair? The creator of heaven and earth, the God who puts things in motion and sets up kings and governments, who brings the rain and changes the seasons, this God redeemed me from the pit and gave me life. Who am I to demand anything of Him, to give Him complaints instead of praise? He shows mercy, He gives His joy in the midst of the everyday trials and endurance for the hardship. I need to keep looking up, keep my eyes on Him and remember my position. In this I can rejoice!

In spite of the joy-stealers, God's grace was still evident in the gifts that He has given this week.

- The breeze that cools the air and makes the hot days more tolerable
- Hugs from sweet friends who missed us
- Kristin's homemade runzas (if you don't know what a runza is, you probably aren't from Nebraska- so check it out here)
- Beautiful picture of a lighthouse to the nations- praying this for Cambodia
- Sister book club
- The beauty of Christmas music
- Sipping a velvety papaya smoothie and catching up with a sweet friend

Psalm 125:1 Those who trust in The Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. 

Check out more posts on Rejoicing over at Velvet Ashes!

Celebrating

As we get ready to celebrate the American holiday of Thanksgiving, my heart is full as I think of all the ways that God has provided joy in the ups and downs of this year. Here are a few things I want to celebrate, to praise God for. 

~ Today marks the 18 month anniversary of our arrival in Cambodia! That's a year and a half of language learning, cultural adjustment and hanging tight to Jesus. I'm so thankful for the ways He has stretched me as I have grown to love the Cambodian people, for the many experiences I've had and for things like mangoes, sweetened condensed milk in coffee, and sweet friendships that help make the less-than-pleasant experiences worth it. 

~ I'm thankful for my friendship with my teammate Kristin and having someone to share all my adventures with! Contrary to popular belief, we DO have conflicts sometimes. Shocking to some of you I know! But we are learning so much about how to work together and celebrate the unique gifts that God has given each of us. Also, if I had a nickel for every time we had to try and explain our complicated relationship (Yes, we DO look like sisters but we are not, however we are SORT OF sisters-in-law because our siblings are married to each other, but not quite that either, and yes, we DO have a mutual nephew), I would be a rich girl! 

~ I am thankful for Caleb Gideon Tillotson, my 5 week old nephew who has completely stolen my heart. After visiting he and his parents last week I was pretty upset about leaving. He woke up from his nap, and I'm sure seeing his auntie bawling her eyes out was quite shocking, but he gave me the sweetest faces to make me smile. I'm glad to have the chance to meet him in person and I can't wait to see how he grows and develops!

~ I'm thankful for movie nights with my family, long conversations, trips to Starbucks with my sister, hanging out with my brother at his apartment, coffee with a friend from childhood, lunch with college friends, ALL the sweet gifts from a trip to Nebraska! 

There have been moments this year when I have struggled to give thanks, to see the gifts. But, God is still God, He is still good and He is still faithful. Even if things are falling apart around me or in my heart, I can hang on to these truths and celebrate HIM! 

The Source of Love

I am completely in love with my nephew Caleb. I can't get enough of his little face, the way he scrunches up his nose when he's sleeping and his long little fingers that he likes to wave around. I might never know what it feels like to love one's own child, but the love I have for him fills my heart in a amazing, unexpected way. Caleb has done nothing to earn my love for him (except being stinkin' cute). He has no idea who I am, and I have yet to hold him, meet him in person.

We rode the bus back from the border, which is always an adventure and most often not a pleasant one. I get motion sick (light-headed, dizzy and weak), and this particular bus was rocky and the driver perhaps adding to the constant swaying with his speed and whipping around whatever was in his way. Cambodians get car sick very easily too. One mother brought her little girl up to the front when the motor in the back started emitting a strong burning smell that was too much for her to stand (but this did not warrant a stop to check things out by the driver). When the little girl lost her lunch, the mother brushed it on the floor (um, right next to me) with a towel that had probably been used for the same purpose several times.

The emotions in my heart were anything but love at that moment. Honestly I was frustrated that she was being inconsiderate to the people around her, that she wasn't prepared with the little black bags they hand out for such purposes. I blamed her, and crossed the line into judgment, wondering how she didn't know you just don't do that.

Why was that my reaction? She didn't do anything to earn my personal scorn. Yes, it was a rather unpleasant situation, and I was not at my best either after the wear and tear of bus travel. But why is it easy to love Caleb and not this woman?

I was struggling a bit with this as I lay awake this morning. If I am to work in western Cambodia, there will be a lot of people who are like this woman. I am called to love them. Not because  there is a deep love in my heart for them but because God loves them. What if I had looked past myself, past the surface, to love the woman on the bus like God loves her? Would I have found a way to be more compassionate, instead of pulling back in disgust?

We cheapen love when we make it out to just be a feeling. In some ways, love is a way of seeing, seeing past the ugly exterior or the behavior that is contrary to what we consider to be right, to the heart of the matter. Isn't that what God did with us? He saw past the sin that covered us like a black slime. He loved us even while we were still sinners. His love for us is not dependent on us, how we act or look or what we do. That is the beauty of grace, the beauty of love that gave all on the cross for us.

There is probably no way I can love the people of Cambodia or even be passionate about their salvation on my own accord. It must God's grace and love that fills my heart, an unending flow of His love through me for those hard moments and even in the good. Oh that He would fill me with more of His love.

A New Measuring Stick

This is going to get real honest here, folks. I'm pondering the topic of beauty along with the other ladies at Velvet Ashes, and it has often been a bit of a touchy subject for me.

Why? Well, I think it is for a lot of us actually.  For most of my life I have not felt beautiful. I was the Sarah of Sarah, Plain and Tall. I classified myself in the "Not Beautiful" category in high school mostly because I didn't fit the definition in my head of what beautiful was. I wasn't like the other girls in my youth group with their gorgeous blond hair, cool jeans, pretty skin and detailed makeup. I had thick dark hair that wasn't curly and wasn't straight but a very uncooperative wavy. I did not have cool clothes or nice skin, and I didn't even start to wear makeup until my college days.

For many years I have operated under the impression that in order to be beautiful I needed to adorn the outside of me- pretty hair, pretty clothes. But, moving to Southeast Asia has really opened my eyes to a different kind of beauty. Or at least helped me see that we all have a certain understanding of beauty whether defined by personal circumstances or cultural influence. All the things that I used to use to feel beautiful were taken away in my new life: makeup, doing my hair, fancy clothes and jewelry. I have to live with the reality of a tropical climate, and honestly, who wants to spend 30 minutes straightening their hair when the humidity will just turn it back to curly in 10 minutes?

I was finding that I could be content with my own beauty, with no masks. And then it came time for our organizational worldwide conference at the beginning of October. There were going to be people from America there, people who actually stayed caught up on current fashions and would look much more put together than me. I struggled, looking in the mirror and in my closet and feeling incredibly lacking.

I fell on my face before The Lord and asked Him for a new measuring stick. My standard of beauty was always in comparison to someone else, some magazine picture or popular girl or elegant woman. But God didn't want me to look at all of those others and then put myself up against them. He wanted me to see beauty according to His measuring stick.

God must love diversity, don't you think? Just take a look around. The range of flowers with colors in every hue, animals of every size and shape, mountains and oceans. Every person is different, from their hair type to the size of their nose. If God loves diversity then why don't we? Instead of comparing myself to people, why can I not appreciate the beauty of the way that God has created them?

I saw a lot of beauty around me during that trip, appreciated the beauty in the amazing people that are part of my organizational family, in the gorgeous landscaping of the place where we were staying. It's freeing you know? It is changing how I look at myself and how I look at people around me. I don't have to be jealous of someone but can appreciate how God created them and compliment them sincerely. I can accept a compliment from someone without thinking, "They are just saying that to be polite", or feeling pride from their words. I can just enjoy a day to dress up and wear pretty earrings because I love bright colors and not feel like I have to in order to meet a certain standard.

In the end it is not about what we put on the outside anyway, but the beauty of a heart full of joy, a heart set on the glory of God. These things pour out of us as the very best "adornment", pointing back to the author of every form of beauty that we see and the One who is ultimately beautiful.

Fun Skirt Friday! Actually this was totally by accident, but our friends thought it was funny that my teammate and I dressed alike! Nothing like fun colors to add a bit of beauty to our day. 

To Baby Caleb

On Saturday my beautiful nephew Caleb Gideon was born. I could easily talk about this kid for 50 bazillion blog posts to come, but I will try not to. Although I must say he is about the most beautiful baby I have every seen!

With Uncle Josh

Caleb, I love that you get to be part of two amazing families. You have aunts and uncles and grandparents that love Jesus. Your mommy and daddy are two of the sweetest people I know, and they are going to raise you in a family that puts God first, that is full of love and full of fun too.

More than likely you will grow up in a country other than America. You will learn to love a culture that is different from the one your parents came from, you will have to discover how you fit in the middle of the two. I love that for you, little man, but I hate it for you in some ways too. I love that you will learn to be flexible, to speak another language, to have a passport before you even reach your first birthday. You are going to have friends from lots of different places, experience things most other kids don't get to experience.

But you are going to have to learn to say goodbye, and say it a lot. You'll probably spend a good portion of your growing up years away from your amazing grandparents and aunts and uncles. You will see hard things, things this auntie would much rather protect you from. You will probably see things that will be difficult to understand, and I pray your heart stays tender through it all. I pray that you will see that no matter what, God is good. No matter what, He is with you. I hope that you will grow to love your passport country and understand the amazing heritage that you have. I hope that you will learn to love and serve Jesus just as your parents are.

I hope that I get lots of opportunities to spoil you rotten, precious boy! You are so loved.

Your auntie, Sarah

{Lessons} Abide and Obey

Trees.

I grew up heading out to the cornfields when I needed a place to think, to clear my head. I loved the sound of the wind in the trees, vibrant green in the summer if we were getting enough rain and all shades of red and yellow and brown as the ears of corn grew dry and ready for harvest. In the quiet, just me and my Father and thoughts going every which way, I sorted out life and decisions and relationships.

I didn't realize how much I would miss the beauty of trees, of anything green. When the traffic and constant construction noises cause my head to pound and my heart to constrict and all I want to do is find a place to walk, out of the city and all that entails, a place of solitude to sort it all out.

I came back from our organizational conference last week with a head full of ideas and plans and a heart full of excitement and trepidation and fear. Vision casting? Praying more? Seed sowing more? Are you sure you called the right person, Father?

In the somewhat stillness of my room, I started drawing a tree. I have never been exactly artistic, but drawing even in the simplest form has been an outlet for me of late. As the tree took shape, the leaves bright green, I was reminded of the passage from John 15 that talks about the vine and the branches.

John 15:5-10 I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be given to you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love.  

Abide and obey. Then the fruit will come. It is not my job to grow the fruit, or take credit for the fruit, this is all for the Father's glory. I need to abide, spending precious time with Him even if there are no beautiful cornfields or trees to be found. He is my resting place, my place of solitude where I sort it all out. As I obey what He is telling me, then the fruit will come and it won't be about pleasing humans or numbers or goals, but praise to Jesus.

Thailand 

Just Do It Scared

"Their faces look the same!"

Kristin and I are not unaccustomed to this comment overheard as we go about our daily lives in Cambodia; in fact we have random strangers from America now coming up to us to ask if we are sisters. This time I heard a woman selling coffee remark to her friend on our similar faces as we joined Jeremy, a colleague in town and Dacey, a friend from the home office, to walk and pray.

The little alleyway-turned-street was packed with various food and drink vendors, shop owners selling goodies in front of their homes and motos fending for space among the throngs of early morning coffee-drinkers.

I laughed a bit when I heard the woman's comment and paused to report the news to the rest of the group. "Go sit by her!" Jeremy said, and my insides twisted up. "Wait, what?" I thought. "What do I say?" But then I remembered a phrase that has stuck with me for the last several months: "Just do it scared". Too often we think we need to wait to share until we have it all together, and the fear has faded. Nope!

So, I turned around, and slid into the plastic chair next to the woman at the table as she sipped her iced coffee. Before I could get much farther than, "Hello, aunt!", she asked, "Do you know Jesus?" I smiled. "Yes, do you?" She went on to speak of who Jesus was to her, how He had healed her and her family and provided for their needs. She told us about the little group that met in her home and invited us to share Jesus along the river front with her. We delighted in getting to know her and praying a prayer of blessing over her as we departed.

God does not ask us to be brave because of our own ability, but to trust Him and hang on when He throws open the door so His glory can shine through!

* I am thankful for my friend Amie who orginally shared the phrase "Just do it scared" with me back in March.

Sword at the Ready

He was an honest-to-goodness knight, clad from head to foot in steel armor still shiny. He knew the reality of the battle but had not yet been in the thick of it, his feet quaking but his heart swelling with courage. The darkness was thick around him, pressing in like a heavy blanket until he thought it would smother him, the sound of the enemy coming closer, the echoes of battle all around him. But his sword was at the ready, and as he lifted it to fight, it pierced the darkness like a bolt of lightning. It sliced through the darkness, pushing back the enemy as the knight and his fellow warriors defended the honor of their king.

It was Wednesday, the day we gather to praise and to pray over this country that holds my heart. We are in the midst of the darkness, the darkest time of the year, a seasoned friend said. It is the beginning of the two-week celebration of Pjom Bun, a holiday that commemorates the ancestral spirits. The Enemy is on the loose as he prowls and masquerades, deceiving and holding captive. People go to the Buddhist temple to give food to monks in honor of their deceased relatives, hoping to keep the spirits happy, hoping to gain merit, to lesson the eternal punishment of these family members. As we prayed, the lies and deceit of the Enemy felt like an impossibly heavy burden, the darkness felt almost tangible. But, we pressed in, praying and worshipping. We declared the Lordship of Jesus, we declared His name and His glory and as we did it felt like a sword piercing the darkness. While the Enemy is having a hayday, it is our King that is victorious. It is ultimately His truth that will prevail. His bride is waiting here in Cambodia. They are not yet complete, not quite ready, there are so many more that need to hear and turn to the only One who can fill their hearts with everlasting hope. But one day this Cambodian bride will gather around the throne of God to worship, joining with brothers and sisters from every other tribe and nation. The task is still upon us. So, like the brave knight, we must put on our armor, whether battle-scarred or still a bit shiny, and take up our sword, the Light that pieces the darkness.

I am most definitely not an artist, but this was my best attempt to depict the sword-wielding, light-piercing-the-darkness-knight vision The Lord gave me during our prayer time. :) 

{Border} A Change of Heart

We were asking God to show us the best place for Kristin and me to live, to base out of as we engage families in discipleship. I was pretty sure I knew where it was going to be, I fully expected God to confirm our plans.

We stopped in two border towns on our way to our final destination, Pailin. We have been praying for over two years for this place, the area we planned to make our new home. We wouldn't just focus on the town itself but reach out to surrounding villages, working our way north toward our partners in Sompovloun. We got to meet a lot of people in the two little towns but I really didn't think about them too much more than as a dusty "pass-through" to our final destination.

I fell in love with Pailin right away. What's not to love about views of mountains and valleys right out your window? I felt comfortable walking the streets, I got excited seeing a place for rent. But, as we started exploring we came across several already-thriving churches, started to meet a few believers. It seemed a good work was already going there.

My group climbed a hill behind the temple, and I felt a peace I normally don't feel when praying around Buddhist statues and temples. It was evident that God was showing His power. As we looked out over the valley in all directions, I was tempted to claim that land, to say boldly, "This is the land you are giving us, Lord, where there will soon be many worshipers of You". But, something held me back. Even then God was starting to release the strings holding tightly to my own plan. Instead, my young Khmer friend and I proclaimed praises to The Lord, asking for His blessing over the area.

Others were starting to feel like perhaps God had a different plan for us. God is at work in Pailin, that is for sure. But were we were to be a part of it?

I fought it, trying to hold on to my own desires. But, as we made our way back to Sompovloun after our two days of praying, I was asking for God's peace. He reminded me of something I used to hear the president of our organization say when I worked in the home office: "Don't ask 'What can I do?' but ask 'What needs to be done?'" The truth is that there are thriving believers in Pailin who desire to make disciples and are doing so. As we stopped for breakfast in one of the "pass-through" towns I had earlier dismissed, the weight of the darkness reminded me of the urgency of going to the places where others are not going. Instead of thinking about my own plan and comforts, I asked myself, "What needs to be done?" God changed my heart, opening my eyes to new possibilities. We are continuing to seek Him and I am giving Him my own plans and desires so that He can fill me with the joy of His will.

Brother Gifts

When we put a new spigot on our water filter a couple of months ago, we had to be really careful or the cup would overflow because the water came out so much faster. My heart sort of feels like that overflowing cup right now, full of memories and blessings and such sweet moments from the last two weeks with my brother Matthew and Kristin's brother Michael. Here are a few of the gifts:

- Splitting Khmer curry with Matthew the first lunch once the team arrived, his contented sigh after the first bite. I love getting to share favorites from my life here.

- Matthew and Michael were eager to explore and try new things, no matter where we went. Kristin and I tend to be much more reserved, so we appreciated their zeal. One day in Phnom Penh they rented a moto and explored the city. While I was pretty nervous, their grins and excitement after their adventure made it worth it.

- Hearing our brothers pray out loud as we walked throughout western Cambodia. Matthew's sharing after our afternoon in Pailin: "When we climbed to the top of the hill with the Buddhist statue I didn't know what to pray, so I just sang praise songs to God".

- Their constant, bubbling-over laughter. How we ran into the monkeys at Angkor Wat and the brothers made friends. We laughed when one of them stole Matthew's hat, over all of the silly antics, and Michael's ingenious snatching of the hat back. Taking crazy pictures, enjoying all of our different forms of transportation, just relaxing.

- Sibling dates. Sharing my first 4D movie experience with Matthew, familiar western food, and browsing the bookstore.

- How he read every sign and looked at every picture in the genocide museum because he truly wanted to know, because he cares about the Cambodian people.

- Breakfast waiting for us after our language lesson compliments of our brothers, even the dishes washed afterwards for us.

- Hugs goodbye at the airport, our hearts full.

Photo Credit: Michael Tillotson

{Border} Asking for the Right Road

Photo Credit: Michael Tillotson

Wednesday, August 27th
We asked the Holy Spirit for wisdom as we left the guesthouse, our team of four ready to pray and walk in Pailin our last afternoon there. "Lead us to the right road, the right people". The young woman from the church in Sompovloun pointed to a muddy side road. "Let's go that way," she said.

Being the two Khmer speakers (one native and the other at least functioning), we were to take the lead. "Are you sure?" I wanted to whisper to her and to the Holy Spirit. I have this thing about slipping and sliding in the mud, and getting my feet dirty. Yeah, I guess I need to get over that.

We set off, the road strangely quiet and peaceful. We asked for the peace that can only come from the Heavenly Father, His love raining down in this place.

One of the ladies in our group noticed the building to our left, a simple cross the only sign a group of believers might gather there. Slipping inside the gate, we could see a group of children eagerly reciting the Khmer alphabet, a young man attempting to keep them in line. He saw us coming and met us outside, and we explained our mission. "Here we are, walking and praying, and is there anything we can pray about for you and this church?"

He shared some of the history of the church, how God had worked and their efforts without outside help or dependance on foreigners. He and others were working to start new groups in neighboring villages, their desire to see people loving Jesus evident on his face and in his words.

We walked on just a little bit farther and our young friend, filled with increasing boldness, beckoned to us to follow her inside another gate to speak to a couple of grandmothers tying together banana leaves filled with rice on a wooden platform. "Did you just come from the church?" one of the grandmothers asked. "I believe in Jesus too, but my friend here hasn't trusted Jesus yet". She shared her testimony with us, her desire to see all of her children following The Lord.

There are challenges, many things that hold people back from Jesus. "My parents live at the temple because they are old," the other grandmother told us. "How can I just turn my back on them?" We shared Truth with her, while her believing friend affirmed and joined in.

God is at work. He is using His people in this place to reach their neighbors and those in nearby villages. He guided us specifically down that muddy road so we could get a taste of His glory in this little border town, and He is continuing to lead and guide as we listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit.

Plowing the Field

When a farmer desires a bountiful harvest, he doesn't go out one day and find the fields ready with the crop. It takes much planning and preparation. The land must be cleared of rocks and weeds, the ground must be plowed and smoothed out, and the seed planted. The farmer must wait for the rain, wait for the crop to grow before he can bring in the fruit of his labor.

We are looking forward to a bountiful harvest in Cambodia- worshipers of The Lord spreading throughout each province and beyond the borders of this country. There is much to be done before this harvest comes, and we are excited about what The Lord is going to do as He uses us to play a small part in seeing His glory come here.

On Friday, a team from America will be coming to be part of preparing for the harvest here in Cambodia. As a group we will travel to western Cambodia to prayer walk through villages in Battambang and Pailin provinces. We'll be joining the local pastor, praying over the areas where the church there is doing outreach, as well as traveling down the border to prayer walk through potential locations for Kristin and me to begin working early next year.

Would you join us in lifting up this time? I believe that God wants to prepare the ground for the harvest that will be coming. Let's join together before His throne in this work.

My supervisor Gayle has put together a schedule for each day and specfic requests. Please check that out here: http://cambodiaborderministry.blogspot.com/2014/07/prayer-walking-team-2014.html.

Also, here are a few things on my heart:

~ Please pray that as we walk and pray, people would see a joy in us that would stand out to them. Pray that this joy would overflow into conversations about the Father.

~ Please pray that we would be equipped to fight the spiritual battle that is being waged in these areas. There have been many strongholds and the Enemy does not want to give up his grip! Pray that we would have spiritual eyes, relying on the strength of the Holy Spirit and daily putting on our spiritual armor.

~ In addition to prayer walking, the team will also be doing a teaching time on marriage and singleness the last few days of the trip. Kristin and I will be sharing a few thoughts on singleness in Khmer. I go back and forth between being so excited to share and discuss this important topic all together, and being utterly terrified/overwhelmed at the thought of having to talk about such deep things for such a long time in my 2nd language. :) But I know The Lord is so faithful, and He will be my help and strength. Please pray for a clear mind and the words I need as we share.

Thank you for praying!

Content in the Uncomfortable

Note: I have just loved hearing from my siblings this summer! Each one has a unique pespective and wisdom to share. Up next, my sister Emily who just got back from spending 2 months in Africa. She is here to share some of the things God taught her through her experiences! If you want to learn about some of her other adventures, you can read back through her blog: http://missionzimzam.blogspot.com. 

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By Emily Hilkemann

Two months ago I stepped off a plane and took my first steps on African soil. This was my first trip to Africa, my first trip out of the U.S. and really, my first time to be so far from home for such a long period of time. I had no idea what to expect. My first bit of culture shock came when we started driving on the left side of the road. The second came when I started noticing all the trash littering the sides of the road. The third came when our host explained how to take a bucket shower. But none of those are a big deal right? I didn’t have to drive, no smell accompanied the trash and I got to take a shower every single day. Merely twinges of discomfort.

As we continued on our trip and ventured further and further away from the city and into the bush these moments of discomfort became a little more common. We were served whole fish of varying sizes as well as goat intestines, liver and kidneys; toilets became simply a hole in the ground; fewer and fewer people could actually speak English. These took a bit more to get used to. But I did. Granted I avoided the fish and goat guts as much as possible, but I started to cherish the walk to the pit latrine while gazing at the moon and the stars and one doesn’t need to speak the same language to play with kids.

To be perfectly honest, during the whole trip I had it pretty easy. No one on our team got all that sick, food was prepared for us at each meal, we often had chocolate, biscuits or even pizza to eat, and we always had a place to sleep at night, even if it was just a mattress on the floor.

One week about halfway through the trip I was really struggling. I was tired and I was having trouble being thankful for anything. But that day during church our team leader said something that I will never forget. He was talking about Romans 12:2 which says not to conform to this world. He said that to conform means to be comfortable. But Jesus told us to take up our cross and follow Him, giving our whole lives as a sacrifice, which doesn’t mean we are going to be living in the lap of luxury. In fact Matthew 5:10-12 (The Message) says, “You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom. Not only that – count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens-give a cheer, even! - forthrough they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.” Now we weren’t being persecuted, rather we were welcomed with open arms wherever we went. No, I was just struggling with being away from the familiar, the comfort of my bed at home and being able to understand the language.

Some times it’s hard to be thankful. But that’s okay. One morning I woke up with this song from my childhood in my heart “Thank you! Oh thank you, my God for what you’ve done. You gave the greatest gift of all. Thank you for your only Son!” If we have nothing else in this world, we at least have the love of Jesus and that is enough. So on this trip I learned to be content in the uncomfortable. After all, as long as I am where God wants me to be, why would I want to be anywhere else?

{Beauty}

I come from the most boring state, according to some people. Interstate 80 stretches straight across from east to west with nothing but endless cornfields and empty plains to keep one company. The entire population of Nebraska is smaller than the city in which I now reside. There are no major tourist attractions, no professional sporting teams, no mountains, and you are about as far away from the ocean in any direction as you can get.

But come with me down the lane of my family farm, past the alfalfa that has just been cut and take a deep breath of its earthy sweet scent, provision for livestock for the winter. See the corn swaying slightly in the breeze, the last light of the day glistening on the leaves bright green, as the colors of a gorgeous sunset all pink and orange are painted across the sky by the Master Designer. You might see boring, but I see beauty.

We sat together on a wooden platform, curious neighbors gathering around in a little village to hear these strange foreigners speak Khmer. "Tell me why I should believe in God", one young man challenged. I breathed a prayer, "Lord, why me? What do I have to say to him?" I shared my story, bits and pieces, mustering as much brave as my little heart could find to speak clearly the words in my second language.

I didn't see her approach to be honest. But all of a sudden she was there, sitting on the bench beside the platform. A smile broke out on her face that bore stories of tragedy, the marks made by an acid attack leaving her mostly blind. In the midst of the mud and the trash of this village in poverty, in the face of all she had been through and the pain and loneliness of rejection, was there beauty here?

She gave me the gift of understanding. While some got frustrated because at times our words sounded different, because I didn't know how to answer his questions the way he wanted, she nodded and affirmed and touched my knee and said, "Let me tell you what God has done for me." Her brave shone forth as she poured out a heart story of God's provision and His love.

We walked down the path, avoiding the puddles from the rain the night before, smiling and greeting the neighbors on the way by. We crawled up into her little house, built with love by the local family of believers. She asked us to pray, for peace in the hard things. You might see the ugly scars of poverty and loneliness and a hard life, but I see beauty.

In the midst of a tough morning of missing home and feeling less-than, beauty came in the form of a little boy who walked to the front of a church full of people and shared his testimony of God's strength for a hard test, the verses he memorized and recited from Proverbs 3:5-6 echoing in my heart long after.

In the midst of the neighbor's angry words out the window, day 35 of constant pounding from the construction in our building, beauty came in the form of Kristin's violin playing, the sweet notes of "How Deep the Father's Love for Us" taking hold as the Father says, "Yes, remember this".

The storms come, the boring and the ugly and the hard and the scary can altogether overshadow us. The Master Creator of the Universe and the Friend who intimately knows our hearts wants to take our hand and walk down the lane, and show us the beauty, the gifts in the midst of it all.

Where do you see beauty today?

Fishers of Men

Kristin and I just got back from a home stay in a fishing village on the coast in Kompong Saum province. We spent time in the home of the local pastor and his family, and we had lots of opportunities to visit with people in the area, sharing encouragement and testimonies and praying with people.

In some ways I'm tempted to tell you just the highlights, to say it was an amazing time, my language ability increased greatly, and so on. There were definitely some challenges though, moments when I felt overwhelmed and even wondered why in the world God called me here because of my weaknesses. But, He was gracious to stretch, teach and encourage me. I want to share a little bit of both sides and hopefully give you a realistic but fun picture of our time in this coastal district.

- The pastor runs a little pharmacy counter in the front of his home, as well as a DVD rental "shop" in the evenings. This gave us a great opportunity to visit with lots of different people, and to observe and listen to natural conversation. We learned that Thai soap operas and Japanese action series are favorites, that we have big noses, and various local gossip. Some people were eager to ask questions and chat with us. Others hadn't seen foreigners much before, and their routine was to come by every evening and stare at us, which was a bit unnerving. They didn't seem to realize we could understand what they were saying as they speculated over whether our hair color was natural and why we had shown up in their village.

- Each day we went out with the pastor's wife to visit with different families from the small congregation. It was exciting to have the language ability to share words of encouragement, testimonies and some of the Bible stories we have been learning! We also shared during a couple of meetings with kids and during the Sunday worship service. Many of these families have very difficult home situations, unbelieving family members and a lack of resources and opportunities.

- We took the words of Luke 10 literally and "ate and drank what was set before us". While almost everything we ate was delicious, a few more challenging things were durian smoothies, white fungus energy drinks, soy bean dessert, and unknown pieces of meat.

- The pastor was an amazing story teller and we got to learn about his childhood, surviving the Khmer Rouge years, how he came to know Christ, and some of the persecution they have suffered. The first few days it felt as though the words were bouncing off my brain and not really finding their way to an area of comprehension. This was due in part to a different accent than we are used to, a lack of coffee (um....perhaps I am slightly addicted?), weariness, and LOTS of people time for this introverted girl. Thankfully we were able to adjust and really appreciate what was shared with us.

- We went to visit a little village to share with a group of kids on Sunday afternoon. The church has just started reaching out in this area, and the kids had never seen tall, white foreigners before. They had never heard of America, as most of them don't have TVs and haven't had the chance to go to school. They were pretty afraid of us, and I think had a hard time even paying attention or understanding how Khmer was coming out of our mouths.

Photo Credit: Kristin Tillotson

- I am pretty sure that I pray like a 5-year old in Khmer. The people here use a higher, royal language when talking about God, and although we have been learning and practicing to pray, I was discouraged at first hearing others' eloquent prayers and feeling inadequate in praying in the different homes of people we visited and together with our host family during their evening devotions. I realized, however, that even though it is important to address God respectfully, perhaps it is okay to pray simply and to talk to God as my Father and Friend. It might be really intimidating for people who have never set foot in a church building or who are just learning about God to think about talking to Him. In this way I can identify with people and show that God knows our hearts and He hears our prayers no matter the language or how elaborately or simply we pray.

- The believers have found the hearts of people in this area to be hard and resistant to the gospel. They want to share and reach out, so pray for courage and wisdom as they do and that God would open the hearts of people and lead the believers to these persons of peace.

Eyes Open

Do you pray with your eyes open?

Kristin and I have been prayer walking a lot lately, marching up and down the streets in inner city Phnom Penh. It is quite a necessity to keep one's eyes open in this praying endeavor, or you will get hit by a moto, fall in the gutter or step in who-knows-what.

I have been asking God lately to open the eyes of my heart, to see people the way that he sees them, to pray for the things he wants me to pray for.

Last week I said to Kristin, "Could we stop for a moment? I feel like this building is significant". It wasn't an uncommon sight here in the city, a building mostly demolished, crumbling. Why this one, right here? I don't know if there is actually anything about this place, this moment in particular. But God showed me in that moment that he longs to rebuild this area, this nation, this people. To bring healing and restoration, beauty out of the ashes and out of the broken. So those were the words of prayer I whispered as we continued on. "Beauty out of the ashes, Lord, for your glory." How will He do this, in this place of darkness? His hope is coming, of this I am sure. His church, his people are sharing the stories of His goodness and there is much more work to be done.

So pray with your eyes and ears and hearts open to hear the message from our King and kind Father, to know the ways He wants you to pray and to grow in faith for what He is going to do.

Beauty out of ashes

Tuning from the Master

I have been mulling over the old hymn, "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing", the words rumbling around in my head as they sink into my heart. Especially the first few lines:

Come, Thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing your grace. 
Streams of mercy never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise. 

The fountain of every blessing that we could ever imagine, the source of all that is good and all that we need. Do I run to it? Do I drink from the flowing streams of mercy? Or is my heart seriously out of tune, more like a banging gong and not something all together beautiful?

When complaining flows from our hearts and out of our mouths we are in need of a good heart-tuning. When our words harm rather than help, when we tear down rather than build up, we show our lack of filling from the everlasting streams. I am quick to get frustrated or pass judgment or give in to feelings of inferiority. There are plenty of reasons in the physical realm, things like construction in our apartment building and the CONSTANT banging and noise, mice (I will spare you the gruesome details), and days without rain leading to 100% humidity. Yes, I could complain and put it out there for the world to see (isn't that what I just did here). But the notes would all be off, the sounds would be the cause of dogs howling for miles.

But when Grace comes and in and tunes things up and makes things new, covers over all the frustrations...they are still there, but my focus is on praising. The very loudest praising is what is due! The overflowing streams of God's mercy to me should turn my heart around from complaining or words that are not lovely to words that are beautiful and honoring and become a symphony of praise to my Father.

An Open Letter to the Church

An Open Letter to the Church

Bride of Christ,

I must admit that I am often too quick to judge, to condemn or just plain get frustrated with you. But what I see makes me sad. I see that so very often we (I am including myself as part of the global body) focus on the minor, things that are petty in relation to what is really important. So, I ask that you put aside your programs and your disagreements for a moment.

Do you see the harvest fields, dear Bride? Do you see souls hungry for the Truth, the Living Water that can fill them up like no other? Do you see the broken, the poor, the widow, the orphan, the farmer that just lost all his crop, the single mother who has no one to turn to, the woman who is well along in years and feels forgotten? Do you see the entire people groups, entire islands and nations FULL of people who do not know the name of Jesus, do not know the source of hope, have never HEARD?

Does this break your heart? Why then do you fuss over buildings and locations, programs for the sake of numbers, the attempt to control and have things your way? Why have we stopped being the body, seeing first of all that Jesus is the Head? Not us, never us. Why then do you stay within the walls of safety, the church building? Why then do you think YOU should be fed, you feel entitled to a certain kind of sermon, you even work hard to serve in the name of Jesus but you take your eyes off of HIM when you fail to resolve your problems with your sisters and brothers?

Oh, Church, would you look up in deep worship to our Lord? Look out, look out at the hopeless and dying. Yes, be fed through the Bread of God's Word, be refreshed through the Holy Spirit, and don't forsake the assembling of yourselves together. But in your striving, don't forget WHY we are here. It is not to DO church but to BE, to be the body, to show love and to preach truth. Make every effort to keep peace with each other and don't give up when it gets tough, because it WILL be tough. Don't be so consumed with what is within that you put aside what is without, those who NEED so desperately the hope you have to offer.

Do It All For His Glory

***Note: Can I just brag for a bit? I am very proud of my brother Josh. He is a leader and role model, he loves learning, and has a compassionate heart. I won't tell you all the stories of how we fought as kids, and how he knew EXACTLY how to push his big sister's buttons. :) I also love that you can hear him on the radio during Husker sporting events, and know the broadcast is happening because he is manning the board. How cool is that? I'm so thankful to have Josh bringing you a guest post today.

With sister Emily at Ben and Beth's wedding last fall

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By Josh Hilkemann

Hello all of Sarah’s readers!

While I am not unaccustomed to blog-writing, I can say this is the first time I have been a guest contributor to someone else’s blog… so it is indeed an honor!

When thinking of what to write about over the last week or so, I kind of had an idea of what I was going to share. Then, as is often the case when I’ve been mulling over a certain subject in my mind, I happened to hear a sermon about that exact subject. It always amazes me when this happens – whether it’s seeing a passage of scripture, or hearing a message on the radio, or even a certain song – I know that God is trying to teach me something when it comes at me in multiple directions.

It’s funny that this is going to be shared on my sister’s blog, because what I’ve been thinking about involves my siblings. Over the last year and a half or so, I’ve had a lot of emotions concerning the fact that my oldest sister would be going to/is on the mission field in a foreign country. These emotions were further stirred when I found out that my other older sister (Beth) would be following the same path soon. The mixture of emotions is hard to describe: sadness that they’re leaving, joy and pride that they’re going where God wants them to be.

But it’s also raised a lot of questions in my mind. Am I where God wants me to be? Is having a “secular job” what I’m supposed to be doing right now? Growing up I’ve always been told that you don’t have to be in ministry or be on the mission field to be a missionary. (And that we’re all called to be missionaries – “Go therefore…” in Matthew 28 etc.) But at the same time I have felt slight nudges that some day it might be time for me to be in one of those areas. I have to admit: it’s difficult trusting that you are listening to God’s call on your own life when every single one of your siblings is either in a foreign country on the mission field or has been there in the past…

With all of that said, here’s what I have been learning and soaking in the last couple of weeks.

First and foremost, everything we’re doing should be for God. Colossians 3:23 says: “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” Whether you are a missionary, have a “normal” 9-5 job, are a stay at home Mom, are retired or are a student, you don’t have any excuses – everything you do should be done with a heart that wants to please God. Along with that, we need to have an attitude of humility in our work – that’s something that I’ve always struggled with, and that’s why one of my favorite passages of scripture is Philippians 2:3-5. We should have an attitude of serving and not being served.

One of the biggest things that I took out of the sermon I heard recently was the fact that we need to be encouraged in whatever our work is, because there is Grace and Providence in our work. God has put us where we’re at for a reason, and he can use us wherever we’re at.

If we continue to grow in our relationship with Him, His direction on our lives will be that much clearer.

Such is Our Confidence

Note: Probably my favorite role in all the world is being a big sister. I am incredibly proud of my siblings and how they desire to serve The Lord and love others around them. So, I thought I would let them share here on my blog. Many of you reading this probably have known our family a long time and followed us through the years, but perhaps not! I hope you enjoy hearing from my siblings through the next few months. 

First up- my sister next-in-line, Beth. She and her husband, Ben, are heading overseas soon to share the hope of Jesus. Their first baby is due in early November!

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- By Beth Tillotson

Areas of weakness are not areas of certain failure. They are areas of potential growth - AND, amazingly, areas where God can make His power known.

I doubt sometimes. I just stop and my shoulders drop and I think, yikes, why in the world am I doing this? God, You know who you are asking to go out into Your harvest field, right? This woman, this shy, quiet, reserved, timid woman...who isn't assertive and isn't bold and isn't good at building relationships and isn't abundantly qualified. Me, God? Really, You want me to go?

I don't like looking at those areas where I struggle, the weak points. Of course not, but how important it is to understand those weaknesses! Not so I'll feel bad or doubt God or give up.

But to say - God, will You challenge me in those areas and bring growth?

Not to say I've failed before I even got started.

But to hear Him say - Remember, daughter? I use the weak things and low things and despised and foolish things so that ALL the glory and ALL the boasting is in Me. So that My power is revealed.

Isn't that my heart's desire anyway? Having it pointed out that I'm not perfect, that I'm not the most qualified or experienced...should make me glad. Overflowing with thankfulness for God's immense and lavish grace, that He is my adequacy, and that through those weaknesses His glory can be seen and known.

"Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant." 2 Cor. 3:4-6

"I heard the call, Come Follow,

That was all.

Earth's joys grew dim,

My soul went after Him.
I rose and followed - that was all.

Will you not follow if you hear Him call?"

~Hudson Taylor

Battle Cry of Praise

I have noticed this anthem repeated through the pages of the Old Testament, the words of praise mentioned over and over. "Give thanks to The Lord, for his love endures forever".

This was the battle cry of the people of Judah under King Jehoshaphat (2 Chronicles 20). A massive army of the Moabites, Ammonites and Meunites were on their way, bent on war. The people of Judah knew their numbers were tiny in comparison, the reality was certain defeat. Jehoshaphat knew there was no where else to turn but to The Lord. "We do not know what to do," he prayed, "but our eyes are on You".

It was to be the Lord's battle. Instead of the best fighting men and the strongest weapons, the people sent out an army of worshipers to lead the way into battle. The praise on their lips was this, "Give thanks to The Lord, for his love endures forever". Give thanks? Celebrating God's love in the face of death? And God came, He destroyed the enemy and His name and fame spread throughout the nations.

This week we walked the streets of the red light district, past countless bars and clubs and customers, feeling physically the weight of the darkness and oppression. I didn't even know how to pray, how to fight the battle of the Enemy's hold on this area. So, I took up the battle cry of the people of Judah, "Give thanks to The Lord, for his love endures forever", whispering these words over and over. "You are holy and righteous, You will gain the victory here". Give thanks: God's armor, His weapons, His light shining in the most impossible places. 13 months (almost) of time in this city, friends and open doors. God's judgment, His discipline, refining and gentle correction. The water of the Holy Spirit that washes and transforms. The cool breeze and gently falling rain that made our walk more pleasant.

This doesn't seem like a particularly strategic battle plan, does it? But our thanksgiving takes our eyes off ourselves, our problems and the impossibility and focuses us on the Victorious Savior, the One who is able to change hearts and cities and whole people groups for His glory. And it will be His glory that shines here, His praise that echoes forth from the lips of His people.

A Few of my Favorite Things (10 to be Exact)

There are plenty of challenges living in Cambodia, but for the most part I so enjoy getting to spend this season here. So, here are 10 of my favorite things about Cambodia life!

1. Khmer Iced Coffee: strong brewed coffee + sweetened condensed milk + ice = one of my absolute favorite treats, especially on a hot day!

2. Fruit: it is fun to discover what fruits are in season when, and try all the variety that this country has to offer- mangoes, papaya, jack fruit, rambutan, dragon fruit, just to name a few.

3. Messy traffic: okay, sometimes this can be a frustration, but since I don't actually have to drive mostly it is a great source of amusement! I love seeing how cars, motos, tuk-tuks and pedestrians manage to weave their way down the street without incident.

4. Rainy season: even after 12 months of living here, I still absolutely love the monsoon rains that come during rainy season! The thunder is incredible, it is fun to watch people scramble for cover or deal with the downpour, and the rain helps cool down the air which is always a relief.

5. Tuk-tuk Rides through the City: we haven't gotten a moto of our own yet so our main transportation is the cart-type taxi. I love the breeze in my face and feeling like I am a part of the life happening along the way to wherever we are going.

6. People think I am beautiful: this is rather selfish, I realize. But it does do wonders for one's self-esteem when you hear comments while walking down the street about your lovely height and beautiful long nose.

7. Diversity in nature: you can find just about everything in this country- mountains, the ocean, city, beautiful countryside in rice-growing season when everything is the brightest color of green. It is so fun to see the Father's creation here!

8. Small town feel: Cambodia is not a huge country and the capital city is only about 2 million people. I love that it doesn't feel like a major metropolis here.

9. Everyone is family: people don't go by their names generally, but call each other "sister", "uncle" or "grandfather", according to your age in relation to theirs. It is comforting to hear our regular sellers in the market asking me where I've been if they haven't seen me for awhile, and calling me "child".

10. Willingness to help: people here are normally really wonderful about stepping in to help where they can, even if it means stopping whatever they are doing. The aunt at the vegetable stand always throws in some extra green onions or cilantro for us, and one of our tuk-tuk drivers would give us a lift to the market if he saw us out walking. One time it was pouring down rain and the uncle on the corner was fast asleep in the tuk-tuk so we couldn't get his attention from across the street (and were getting rather soaked). A passing moto driver noticed our predicament and swung back around to go and wake him up for us.

You can find lots of other fun top-ten lists on a variety of topics this week at www.velvetashes.com.

When God Meets You in the Coffee Shop

I escaped to the coffee shop this morning for a bit of air-conditioning, and because I rather have a soft spot for white chocolate mochas. Every once in awhile I like to listen to a sermon in English from pastors in America, because while I can follow along and learn much from our Cambodian pastor it is nice to hear your heart language. I pulled up a list of sermons from David Platt and rather randomly chose one, only to be blessed beyond belief by this study on Psalm 68. You can watch or listen to the message HERE.

Wow, this God? He is awesome! How often do we stop to marvel at this, to proclaim it? He is on the move. Psalm 68:1: May God arise, may his enemies be scattered. The God who made His presence known in the Ark of the Covenant among the people of Israel (Numbers 10), the God who showed His love through the active coming of the Son to dwell on this earth, He is NOT finished working in the world today! Throughout this psalm He shows that He is sovereign, all-powerful, and He is drawing peoples and kings to Himself. He is majestic! Psalm 68:32-33: Sing to God, O kingdoms of the earth, sing praise to The Lord, to him who rides the ancient skies above, who thunders with a mighty voice. Who am I, who are we that this mighty God would love us? Yet David dared to say, "Your procession has come into view, O God, the procession of my God and King into the sanctuary" (Psalm 68:24). He comes to the orphan and widow, the lonely, He saves and draws us close.

And this promise, God's grace poured out. Psalm 68:19: Praise be to The Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. This awesome God cares about the hurt and pain, the frustrations and burdens of His children. Like a tender father who takes the hand of a hurting child, this Father longs to take our burdens and leave His peace instead. Why do I insist on trying to carry my own troubles, to deal with things on my own when the God of the Universe longs to relieve them?

He is our Hope. He is the hope of this nation, He will scatter the enemies and release the captives here. He is the God who deserves the praise of every people group, and one day every knee will bow before Him. And He is the God who knows the specific loneliness of being single overseas, the burden of the prodigal child not yet come home, the heart cry of the woman in a broken marriage, the man who has lost his job, the physically afflicted, He draws us all close and daily bears our burdens.

Stages of Trusting

The last few weeks the ladies at Velvet Ashes, an online community of women who have experience serving overseas, have been talking about life's different seasons: marriage, singleness, raising kids in a country other than their passport issuer. I have loved learning from the wisdom shared and pondering some of the deep questions these topics bring up.

This week they are focusing on singleness. At first, I was eager for the discussion this week, but also a bit unsure if I wanted to face the hard things that might be brought to the surface. Honestly, though, for the first time this week I realized that it was okay. Okay that I don't have a ring on my finger, okay that most of my friends my age are already married. I haven't reached some magic stage of contentment in my singleness. I feel like instead I am in a stage of acceptance, taking the gift from The Lord that is today, this time, this season.

It definitely hasn't always been that way. I remember reading in a Laura Ingalls Wilder book back in my childhood about a lady who was 26, and looked down upon because she was an old maid. It is funny the things that stick, huh? Passing that age milestone was a bit uncomfortable, on the downhill slide to 30. We have such expectations don't we? That we will have a husband by this point, then children, that our lives will look a certain way, that certainly by 28 these things would have been achieved. It might be based on what the culture around us says is "normal", what our friends are doing, what our family says, what we have always daydreamed of and hoped for.

I have been blessed with a teammate that is in the same stage of life that I am. We laugh sometimes over the desperate lack of options here (as in single guys who love Jesus and are somewhere close to our age), but it means I have to trust God even more, as in all things. It has caused me to ask hard questions, "Do I believe that God cares enough about the intimate details of my life to know that I want to be married? Is He big enough to plop an eligible single guy down in a remote village in Cambodia? Is my lack of a mate somehow a sign that God is withholding something from me?" If I believe that God does care, He does give good gifts, He does want me to obey Him fully no matter what stage of life I am in, then I can accept that. I can find joy in today, in the seasons that come and go, whether I am overseas or in my passport country. I am very thankful for women who have modeled this trusting joy in all of the stages of life, married and single, with kids and without, young and old.

I want to respond every day with the humble, obedient spirit that Mary had when she said, "My soul glorifies The Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior". (Luke 1:46-47)