I escaped to the coffee shop this morning for a bit of air-conditioning, and because I rather have a soft spot for white chocolate mochas. Every once in awhile I like to listen to a sermon in English from pastors in America, because while I can follow along and learn much from our Cambodian pastor it is nice to hear your heart language. I pulled up a list of sermons from David Platt and rather randomly chose one, only to be blessed beyond belief by this study on Psalm 68. You can watch or listen to the message HERE.
Wow, this God? He is awesome! How often do we stop to marvel at this, to proclaim it? He is on the move. Psalm 68:1: May God arise, may his enemies be scattered. The God who made His presence known in the Ark of the Covenant among the people of Israel (Numbers 10), the God who showed His love through the active coming of the Son to dwell on this earth, He is NOT finished working in the world today! Throughout this psalm He shows that He is sovereign, all-powerful, and He is drawing peoples and kings to Himself. He is majestic! Psalm 68:32-33: Sing to God, O kingdoms of the earth, sing praise to The Lord, to him who rides the ancient skies above, who thunders with a mighty voice. Who am I, who are we that this mighty God would love us? Yet David dared to say, "Your procession has come into view, O God, the procession of my God and King into the sanctuary" (Psalm 68:24). He comes to the orphan and widow, the lonely, He saves and draws us close.
And this promise, God's grace poured out. Psalm 68:19: Praise be to The Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. This awesome God cares about the hurt and pain, the frustrations and burdens of His children. Like a tender father who takes the hand of a hurting child, this Father longs to take our burdens and leave His peace instead. Why do I insist on trying to carry my own troubles, to deal with things on my own when the God of the Universe longs to relieve them?
He is our Hope. He is the hope of this nation, He will scatter the enemies and release the captives here. He is the God who deserves the praise of every people group, and one day every knee will bow before Him. And He is the God who knows the specific loneliness of being single overseas, the burden of the prodigal child not yet come home, the heart cry of the woman in a broken marriage, the man who has lost his job, the physically afflicted, He draws us all close and daily bears our burdens.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Friday, May 30, 2014
Stages of Trusting
The last few weeks the ladies at Velvet Ashes, an online community of women who have experience serving overseas, have been talking about life's different seasons: marriage, singleness, raising kids in a country other than their passport issuer. I have loved learning from the wisdom shared and pondering some of the deep questions these topics bring up.
This week they are focusing on singleness. At first, I was eager for the discussion this week, but also a bit unsure if I wanted to face the hard things that might be brought to the surface. Honestly, though, for the first time this week I realized that it was okay. Okay that I don't have a ring on my finger, okay that most of my friends my age are already married. I haven't reached some magic stage of contentment in my singleness. I feel like instead I am in a stage of acceptance, taking the gift from The Lord that is today, this time, this season.
It definitely hasn't always been that way. I remember reading in a Laura Ingalls Wilder book back in my childhood about a lady who was 26, and looked down upon because she was an old maid. It is funny the things that stick, huh? Passing that age milestone was a bit uncomfortable, on the downhill slide to 30. We have such expectations don't we? That we will have a husband by this point, then children, that our lives will look a certain way, that certainly by 28 these things would have been achieved. It might be based on what the culture around us says is "normal", what our friends are doing, what our family says, what we have always daydreamed of and hoped for.
I have been blessed with a teammate that is in the same stage of life that I am. We laugh sometimes over the desperate lack of options here (as in single guys who love Jesus and are somewhere close to our age), but it means I have to trust God even more, as in all things. It has caused me to ask hard questions, "Do I believe that God cares enough about the intimate details of my life to know that I want to be married? Is He big enough to plop an eligible single guy down in a remote village in Cambodia? Is my lack of a mate somehow a sign that God is withholding something from me?" If I believe that God does care, He does give good gifts, He does want me to obey Him fully no matter what stage of life I am in, then I can accept that. I can find joy in today, in the seasons that come and go, whether I am overseas or in my passport country. I am very thankful for women who have modeled this trusting joy in all of the stages of life, married and single, with kids and without, young and old.
I want to respond every day with the humble, obedient spirit that Mary had when she said, "My soul glorifies The Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior". (Luke 1:46-47)
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Happy Anniversary, Cambodia!
(The joy of tile is that your whole house can be a whiteboard!)
Kristin and I have set up a little monument of sorts in our living room. You know, the Joshua 4 kind that testifies to God's power and goodness, but slightly less permanent than the 12 stones. Our own reflection scribbled with markers on our tile wall has come about because of the one-year anniversary of our arrival in Cambodia. Exactly one year ago, we stepped out of the air conditioned airport into the heat and humidity, piled in a tuk-tuk with all our worldly possessions, and began a journey of trusting in God through these last 12 months.
We have been remembering all of the firsts- when we started language school and all we could say was "Hello, how are you, sister?" Our teacher made us practice right away with the other teachers and people on the street, and I laugh now imagining how terrible it must have sounded. We could barely tell our tuk-tuk driver where we wanted to go, but I guess we managed because we always ended up in the right spot. The "honeymood" period wore off and we discovered how exhausting operating in a second language can be and the importance of Sabbath out of necessity. It seems every time I was ready to give up, or I wondered how in the world I was going to make it, God knew and He met me there. He provided encouragement, always. Perhaps it was in the form of a bookshelf, something so simple, but I remember the joy of bringing that home and filling it up. It was sometimes in an especially strong thunderstorm, the monsoon rain pouring down and thunder so loud it shook the house and reminded me of God's power. Most often, it was in the form of our sweet friends, the people that cheered us on, pushed us because they knew we could do it, celebrated our birthdays with us, showed much grace when we didn't understand and explained something over and over. I have learned from their own walks with The Lord, loved studying His Word in their heart language.
While I have not enjoyed several bouts with parasites, the constant battle with critters in a our apartment, and a few other frustrations that come with life in this country, I wouldn't trade it for what I have seen God do, the ways He is working in the hearts of the Khmer people and in my own heart. I know that His purpose remains through it all, and He is the reason that we celebrate making it to this one year mark.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
More than Gelato
The summer before my senior year of college I spent 2 months in Italy working with missionaries. You can't go wrong with trying a new flavor of gelato every day, right? Or swimming in the crystal clear blue waters of the Mediterranean, dining on fresh pasta, and wandering up and down cobblestone streets.
Aside from discovering that vanilla and chocolate gelato laced with ribbons of Nutella is a piece of heaven on earth, I learned a lot of other things that summer too. While working at an Italian Christian preschool, it was assumed that I knew the language and had teaching experience to keep hot-tempered 3 and 4 year olds under control. Neither of these was true, and I had to learn to rely on the Holy Spirit in a whole new way. While a few years of high school and college Spanish did prove to be helpful, there were times that I understood and was able to communicate when I should not have been able to. Sometimes I was completely overwhelmed with the task of keeping the kids in line, especially when the other teachers all disappeared at lunch time and it was up to me to keep the peace. But God always sent help when I needed it- whether it was a little 6-year old girl who stood up for me and believed in my abilities when I wasn't so sure, or words in a language not my own that spilled out, later realizing that I had communicated far beyond my ability. I learned too that I loved being a hostess, when almost at the end of my time there a short-term team came from the US and I was the "old hand" by that time. I learned that missionaries are not perfect (a lesson I have needed in my current season of life), rather they are just people that desire to serve God but deal with all of the hard and crazy and beautiful that is this life. My two months in Italy were far more difficult than I could have imagined, but I loved discovering God's strength in my weakness and His goodness to me in the tough times.
Aside from discovering that vanilla and chocolate gelato laced with ribbons of Nutella is a piece of heaven on earth, I learned a lot of other things that summer too. While working at an Italian Christian preschool, it was assumed that I knew the language and had teaching experience to keep hot-tempered 3 and 4 year olds under control. Neither of these was true, and I had to learn to rely on the Holy Spirit in a whole new way. While a few years of high school and college Spanish did prove to be helpful, there were times that I understood and was able to communicate when I should not have been able to. Sometimes I was completely overwhelmed with the task of keeping the kids in line, especially when the other teachers all disappeared at lunch time and it was up to me to keep the peace. But God always sent help when I needed it- whether it was a little 6-year old girl who stood up for me and believed in my abilities when I wasn't so sure, or words in a language not my own that spilled out, later realizing that I had communicated far beyond my ability. I learned too that I loved being a hostess, when almost at the end of my time there a short-term team came from the US and I was the "old hand" by that time. I learned that missionaries are not perfect (a lesson I have needed in my current season of life), rather they are just people that desire to serve God but deal with all of the hard and crazy and beautiful that is this life. My two months in Italy were far more difficult than I could have imagined, but I loved discovering God's strength in my weakness and His goodness to me in the tough times.
Friday, May 9, 2014
A Constant Thread
That very first flight I was terribly frightened. It showed on my face as I handed my passport to the security officer, the airport quiet at 4:00 a.m. "Don't worry!" he told me as I went through the scanner and gathered my things.
I was 20 years old, flying for the very first time from Omaha, Nebraska all the way to Quito, Ecuador with a group of summer study-abroad students from my college. My professor had spent the last two days walking us through what we would need to know about the culture of Ecuador, what our days would look like and what assignments would be required of us. But no one really thinks to tell you how to go through a security line, how to find your seat on a plane, things most people know how to do but this farm girl was experiencing for the first time.
There were lots of 'firsts' on that maiden voyage out of the US, living with a host family, studying another language for four weeks. I learned to enjoy cheese in my hot chocolate and popcorn in my soup, how to slow down and enjoy relationships and not worry so much about a schedule, how to barter in the market and get the best deal. Everything was new and exciting, and I returned to America seeing only the good in Ecuador and frustrated with all of the negative I saw in my own culture.
Several (many) flights and security lines later, having traveled to and lived in other places, my perspective is a bit different. I have learned that there is beauty in all cultures, and I love discovering this. But it is not all good. There are things that must be redeemed through the Father, in the culture I am currently in and in the one I still call my home culture. I am discovering this in my role too. Sometimes I marvel at what the Father allows me to see and experience and other times I wish I could be in a place where I can communicate clearly and my head doesn't hurt because of constantly operating in a language that is not my first. There is a beauty and pain in this season, as in other seasons. But my God is the constant, teaching and guiding.
I returned from Ecuador much more confident, navigating security lines, even a baggage search and immigration lines with ease. Until I got to the customs officer at our first stop in America. He checked out my passport, glanced at me again, and then began to speak to me in German. I was caught quite off guard, and having operated in Spanish for the last month I responded to him in Spanish that I had no idea what he was saying to me. He pointed to my passport and said, "With such a German last name, you don't speak German?" We both laughed and had a lovely conversation. There is always something new to learn, always a reminder that I cannot lean on my strength.
I was 20 years old, flying for the very first time from Omaha, Nebraska all the way to Quito, Ecuador with a group of summer study-abroad students from my college. My professor had spent the last two days walking us through what we would need to know about the culture of Ecuador, what our days would look like and what assignments would be required of us. But no one really thinks to tell you how to go through a security line, how to find your seat on a plane, things most people know how to do but this farm girl was experiencing for the first time.
There were lots of 'firsts' on that maiden voyage out of the US, living with a host family, studying another language for four weeks. I learned to enjoy cheese in my hot chocolate and popcorn in my soup, how to slow down and enjoy relationships and not worry so much about a schedule, how to barter in the market and get the best deal. Everything was new and exciting, and I returned to America seeing only the good in Ecuador and frustrated with all of the negative I saw in my own culture.
Several (many) flights and security lines later, having traveled to and lived in other places, my perspective is a bit different. I have learned that there is beauty in all cultures, and I love discovering this. But it is not all good. There are things that must be redeemed through the Father, in the culture I am currently in and in the one I still call my home culture. I am discovering this in my role too. Sometimes I marvel at what the Father allows me to see and experience and other times I wish I could be in a place where I can communicate clearly and my head doesn't hurt because of constantly operating in a language that is not my first. There is a beauty and pain in this season, as in other seasons. But my God is the constant, teaching and guiding.
I returned from Ecuador much more confident, navigating security lines, even a baggage search and immigration lines with ease. Until I got to the customs officer at our first stop in America. He checked out my passport, glanced at me again, and then began to speak to me in German. I was caught quite off guard, and having operated in Spanish for the last month I responded to him in Spanish that I had no idea what he was saying to me. He pointed to my passport and said, "With such a German last name, you don't speak German?" We both laughed and had a lovely conversation. There is always something new to learn, always a reminder that I cannot lean on my strength.
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