Walking at My Own Pace

Colorado is a beautiful place to hike! I have gotten to check out the New Santa Fe Trail right next to MTI, as well as taking part in some mountain hiking complete with spectacular views from the top. I love getting out to explore God's creation and breathe in the cool mountain air.

 I have noticed though that people like to walk a lot faster than I do! I have to really book it to keep up, and the exercise is good for me. This week though I decided to take a walk on my own (before the snow hit and I was stuck inside). I leisurely set my own pace, stopping to take pictures or just enjoy the view. I didn't get my heart rate up the same way as when I had a very fast pace-setter but I enjoyed the time.

 I have found my life and relationships are similar to a walk. We need people who will challenge us to go farther, dig deeper, and make it to the top when the path is very steep. There are many times that friends challenge me to get involved in something that I wouldn't have gotten involved in on my own. The community around me challenges me spiritually by asking questions I wouldn't think to ask.

At the same time, sometimes I need to take things at my own pace. I may be more of a turtle than a rabbit when it comes to language learning or trying something new and that is okay. I need time to pull away and process rather than being with people 24-7, and it is important to understand who we are and what we need.

I don't have this walk figured out yet, but I am excited to continue learning and growing.

Reflections After a Week of PILAT

Language learning has been a source of worry for a long time. I know that it is so important to understand the heart language of the Khmer people and be able to share with them, so I have been determined to pursue it but dreaded the process.

 After a week of PILAT, my perspective is starting to change! I have made sounds and been able to recognize sounds I never thought would be possible for me to do. I was challenged by the Bible study at the beginning from 2 Corinthians where Paul talked about the discipline required to run the race, beating his body to make it his slave. Language learning DOES take a lot of hard work, persistence, endurance. But it can be fun too!

 I had never thought about the fact that language learning is a human capability. I am human therefore I can learn language! A big part of this for me is confidence. I have lacked confidence in many parts of my life, and before PILAT I was looking at language learning with the same eyes. It is so cool to see how God created our mouths to form so many different kinds of sounds, and to learn how different languages use these sounds.

 Being from the Midwest I have always felt that I had a neutral accent, but even just having English as my native language I now know that I will bring my own spin to Khmer. I feel like one of the important things I am learning at PILAT is how to listen carefully. I can't always make my mouth produce exactly what I want it to right away, but I can hear the difference and with practice I can work on producing the correct sounds.

 I have always loved learning in the classroom context for academic purposes and so the idea that language learning is social rather than academic is a new approach for me. I am thankful for the opportunities we have had to practice this during our first week. In our language time, I have loved learning from Trudy, the French language helper but also from the others in my group. I am so excited to get to Cambodia and have fun learning with the Khmer people around me. I know they will be interested in why I am learning Khmer and eager to help me practice.

 In our first year on the field, we are supposed to focus on learning the language and the culture. Now I can see that these two things are very connected. It is helpful to think about this now, so that I can focus on listening both with my ears and with my heart. It is one thing to learn a list of vocabulary words and another to really understand what is being said and why based on the cultural context.

 I would tend to head right away to grammar and structure and could probably get stuck there pretty easily. Language is structured with rules, you can't get away with poor grammar in most places. It is important to learn the rules but I am learning to do a lot of listening and practicing pronunciation first and then I can work on grammar later. It has also been fun trying this out in our French time. I would normally want to know or the teacher would emphasize the sentence structure and word order and why it is a certain way. Instead, I am working more on listening well, learning the different methods and pronouncing things correctly. It is a different focus and the structure can come in time. All of these areas represent paradigm shifts as I prepare to learn the Khmer language.

  Reflections based on the PILAT Premises of Language Learning
1. Language is a human capability
2. Language is a personal production.
 3. Language is a social activity.
 4. Language is a cultural expression.
 5. Language is a structured system.

Perspective

I heard a cool story at MTI from one of the missionaries leading it. She and her husband served in Vietnam as Bible translators among a minority people group. They first had to put an alphabet to the language of the people and then worked to begin translating. After North Vietnam fell to the Communists, the missionaries were only allowed to work in the south. Many people in America look at the Vietnam War as a failure, costly both in money and in lives. It was definitely a difficult conflict. But the missionary said that the American presence in Vietnam bought the missionaries at least 7 years. 7 years to keep sharing the Gospel, 7 years to keep translating the Word of God. They bought the missionaries time. Just think about the lives that were saved because of the Gospel message. It amazed me that God can take something horrible like war and use it for His glory and for His name to be proclaimed.

PILAT Day 1

Maybe I can do this after all! Today was our first day of PILAT at Mission Training International. This is a two week language acquisition course designed to help your mind and mouth get ready to learn a new language. My brain is full from the first day but I feel like my perspective on language learning is starting to change just a bit. I remember when I was taking violin lessons and my instructor was trying to help me learn pitch by playing different notes and having me pay attention to the distinctions. I never could hear as well as he wanted me to which was really frustrating. I have tended to have the same fear for language learning: I wouldn't be very good at it because I don't have a good ear and I don't remember things as quickly or as well as others. I have just had apprehensions about the whole process. One of the big things that has started to be built by this time at MTI is the confidence that I can learn a new language. It is part of being human, and I am human therefore I can do it! Perhaps not right away or as quickly as some people. But God has put inside each of us the brain and the mouth and the ears to learn language. I have a long ways to go, but that is why I am here!

Saying Goodbye

I have learned a lot about saying ‘goodbye’ in the last few weeks. It has never been something I was good at. I remember COUNTLESS tear-filled departures through the years, whether it was after being dropped off for a week of camp, spending the night with a friend, or driving off for college. I have been dreading the goodbyes of leaving my amazing co-workers and friends in Texas, and my family as I leave for Cambodia.

I always cry and I hate for people to see that vulnerable side of me. But as I went through all the ‘lasts’ in Texas and finally reached the day where I hugged everyone and stepped out of the office for the last time as the administrative assistant, I learned to embrace the tears and let them come. I learned to pause and take note of the last time I took the DART or enjoyed Saturday morning coffee with Lena, or hugged my pastor on a Sunday morning. Instead of giving in to a deep sense of grief, I learned to celebrate what those moments represented and the people that made them special. I learned that sometimes it is easier on me to check out emotionally and stop caring, to pull back. But that isn't necessarily what others need from me. Goodbyes are not one-sided! I have long been selfish in feeling only my own pain in saying goodbye.

I will probably continue to shed tears when I give those goodbye hugs, but I am learning to look beyond myself to all that God has given me and to celebrate those gifts even as the tears fall down. 

You Lead, I'll Follow

Every time I have turned on the radio for the last few days, this song has been on. Seriously, every time. I guess God is trying to tell me something?

The chorus especially has been really encouraging to me! 

"You Lead" by Jamie Grace

I've got waves that are tossin' me,
Crashin' all over my beliefs,
And in all sincerity, Lord,
I wanna be yours,
So pull me out of this mess I'm in,
Cause I know I'm wanderin'
Lead my soul back home again,
I've always been yours,

And this world may push, may pull,
But your love it never fails,

You lead, I'll follow, Your hands hold my tomorrow,
Your grip, Your grace, You know the way,
You guide me tenderly,
When you lead, I'll follow,
Just light the way and I'll go,
Cause I know what you got for me is more than I can see,
So lead me on, on, on and on,
Just lead me on, on, on and on,

As a child I heard your voice,
But as a girl I made my choice,
There is no other way for me,
I'm devoted to you,
You're my peace on the heavy days,
You're the warmth of an autumn blaze,
Your love carries me away,
And it's never too soon, no...

And this world may push, may pull,
But your mercy never fails,

You lead, I'll follow, Your hands hold my tomorrow,
Your grip, Your grace, You know the way,
You guide me tenderly, yeah,
When you lead, I'll follow,
Just light the way and I'll go,
Cause I know what you got for me is more than I can see,
So lead me on, on, on and on,
Just lead me on, on, on and on,

Sometimes when I wake up, I don't wanna rise up, Out of my bed, too many thoughts in my head,
Don't wanna be who I used to be,
Gonna take the back seat and let you lead,
And I...
Need to stop, need to stop,
Cause I'm going too fast,
And I...
Know my God is still God, And you got my back,

You lead, I'll follow, Your hands hold my tomorrow,
Your grip, Your grace, You know the way,
You guide me tenderly, yeah,
When you lead, I'll follow,
Just light the way and I'll go,
Cause I know what you got for me is more then I can see,
So lead me on...
Lead me on...

And I...
Need to stop, need to stop,
Cause I'm going too fast,
And I...
Know my God is still God, And you got my back,
You got my back,
I know ya got me, I know ya got me,
I know ya got me, Lead me on...

For a few brief moments I question God's call. I see a cute sweater on the 70% off rack at Khol's and I think, "What a good buy! But I won't need that in Cambodia". The preview for the movie looks fun...but I won't be here when it comes out. My cousin is getting married this fall, and I will miss it. Some days I just want an apartment and a coffee table and a bookcase and a "normal" job. These sacrifices seem quite petty when you look at what God wanted Abraham to sacrifice. "Take the son you love and give him to me as a burnt offering". Abraham had waited years for this son, and now God was asking for him to be placed on the altar. And Abraham obeyed and God saw this obedience and it was pleasing to Him and He showed Himself that day to be Jehovah Jireh, the God who WILL provide. The things I am giving up right now are petty when compared to the eternity of the people to whom God is sending me. There is nothing wrong with any of those things and I would love to one day have my own coffee table (yes, my desires are small). God wants us daily to place our lives on His altar of sacrifice, to put aside the minor things for the riches of His glory and to look with His eyes. I am praying that I can lay all of these things aside and keep my eyes focused on what is lasting.

Leaving a Mark

I have been a fan of American Idol the last couple seasons as I have enjoyed the amazing talent and drive of the contestants to give it their all. One of my favorites this season is Angela Miller who made it into the Top Ten last night. I was struck by her victory song, called "I Was Here".

"I Was Here"

I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that, meant something that I left behind
When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember, so they won't forget

I was here
I lived, I loved
I was here
I did, I've done everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here

I want to say I lived each day, until I died
And know that I meant something in, somebody's life
The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference, and this world will see

I was here
I lived, I loved
I was here
I did, I've done everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know

I just want them to know
That I gave my all, did my best
Brought someone some happiness
Left this world a little better just because

I was here

I was thinking about how I identify with this song, about leaving a mark or a legacy. We have the chance to make a difference in the lives of those around us and around the world. But, then I realized this morning, do I really want people to remember me or that I lived for Christ? Wouldn't it be much more important that their lives are touched by Jesus? Maybe that is what our legacy should be about- that we pointed people to Christ and made Him known every day; that whether people remember us or not, their lives have known the transforming power of the Living Lord.

Promises

Last night I was reading through parts of Isaiah, and I was overwhelmed with the promises of God. He chose to use little Israel as a light for the nations, to draw people to Himself. I know that He wants to draw people from around the world today to know His truth and to reflect His glory. I want Cambodia and the Khmer people to be glory-reflectors in southeast Asia, and for the Gospel to burst forth in this area. Pray these passages with me for these groups of people around the world and celebrate what God is going to do.

Photo by Ben Tillotson

 

 

Isaiah 60:2-3 See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn. 

 

Isaiah 60:18 No longer will violence be heard in your land, nor ruin or destruction within your borders, but you will call your walls Salvation and your gates Praise. 

Isaiah 61:3 To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. 

Isaiah 61:9 Their descendants will be known among the nations and their offspring among the peoples. All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the Lord has blessed. 

Isaiah 61:11 For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations. 

Isaiah 62:2 The nations will see your righteousness and all kings your glory, and you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will designate. 

Isaiah 62:10 Pass through, pass through the gates! Prepare the way for the people. Build up, build up the highway! Remove the stones. Raise a banner for the nations. 

Isaiah 62:12 They will be called the Holy People, the Redeemed of the Lord; and you will be called Sought After, the City No Longer Deserted.

Being Sent

On Sunday night, my church in Plano held a commissioning service for me as a way to send me off to Cambodia. I had the chance to share the journey of God's calling and the vision that He has given my teammate and me for His glory to be revealed in this country. My boss, and the church's missionary in residence, Kent, shared a charge to me and also to the church. At the end, everyone gathered around to lay hands on me and pray. I was amazed at God's goodness and the encouragement He provided through this service. I know that each person there and many others in the church will be praying for God's healing and transformation in the lives of the Khmer people, and for Kristin and me and others as we go. Jesus commissioned the disciples in Matthew 28. Each of us are sent out, compelled by the Gospel, to be ministers of reconciliation. It doesn't matter if we are sent to Norfolk, Nebraska, or Plano, Texas; Cambodia or Indonesia; Africa or the Middle East. We are not sent out alone either. We have the power of the Holy Spirit at work in our hearts to give the right words and strength to love. We also need each other. I am very independent but in this journey of getting ready for Cambodia I have realized like never before how God works through His people to provide for my needs. We have the responsibility and opportunity to go before the throne of God on behalf of one another in our mission as God's sent ones. What an exciting thing to be on this journey together!

2 Corinthians 1:8-11 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.