Our Strong Tower

I was challenged yesterday with the idea of drawing a picture as I am reading Scripture to help me dwell on the passage throughout the day and engage God's Word in a new way. I am definitely not an artist but I decided to give it a try.

This morning I read Psalm 62, which was exactly what my heart needed this week.

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. How long will you assualt a man? Would you throw him down- this leaning wall, this tottering fence?.... My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge...

As I sat pondering these words I imagined myself inside of a castle tower, walls thick. Inside of this tower I was safe, warm, loved, cared for. When the Enemy tried to hurl stones at me, the rocks crumbled and fell to the ground. The rocks this week have come in the way of lies: "You will never learn this language. 85% comprehension/speaking on your assessment isn't good enough. No one remembers you back home." I haven't done a very good job of running to my Strong Tower to keep me safe when the lies come.

But, inside the Strong Tower, these words are sung over me:

"Fear not, because I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine" (Isaiah 43:1)

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28)

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning" (Lamentations 3:22-23)

"I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am The Lord the God of Israel, who summons you by name". (Isaiah 45:3)

This is where I need to go, this is where I need to run. I am so thankful for my strong Father who take such sweet care of His children, even when I forget the place in which I need to seek refuge.

The Market {A Story}

Last weekend Kristin and I met the sweetest lady in the market. She carries around a basket of books and hand-painted cards in our local market to sell to tourists. I had seen her before, talked just briefly with her. She was not like the other sellers in that part of the market, pushing their products as you walk past: "You want to buy a scarf, sister?" "Perhaps a shirt, miss?" Instead, she said hello, asked how we were.

It was obvious there was a joy within her, despite the fact that her face was covered with scars from severe burns. We browsed through her book collection, picking one out to purchase. We chose a couple of different sets of cards too. "The envelopes come with them", she wanted to make sure we knew. She didn't have any on hand, but she trusted us enough to leave our purchases in our hands while she went to stock up on envelopes.

"Tomorrow will you go to church?" she asked us as we paid for our items. "Yes!" we exclaimed and shared about our Cambodian church. She smiled too and shared about her church, one we knew about because two of our language teachers attend there.

Today I was back in the market and ran into this sweet woman. She stopped to talk to me, and asked where Kristin was today. I went on to complete my errand and on the way back she was just sitting down for a late lunch (or mid-afternoon snack, I'm not sure). "Child, have you eaten?" she asked me. Here I am, the foreigner who can barely speak her language, with plenty of food in my cupboards, and she is thinking of me, unselfishly willing to give of what she has. I was humbled, and wanted to sit down and thank her but a crowd of people pushed between us and I could not. I look forward to her smile and greeting her the next time I am in the market.

God never ceases to amaze me in how he encourages when my heart when I need it. A few other examples:

- Bright pink gerbera daisies are my absolute favorite! This week Kristin and I discovered the most amazing store- Office Max, Hobby Lobby and Barnes & Noble (or at least the Cambodian equivalent of these) all in one- and they had a variety of silk flowers. We replaced the single red rose that came with our apartment with these beauties.

- On Monday we went with a group to a workshop on Cambodian life and culture put on by a ministry here. At one of the stations they taught us how to write our names in Khmer. Last night I decided to see if I could find it in my Khmer Bible. After locating a verse that had "Sarah" several times, I figured out where the verse was in my Khmer Bible and there it was! My name in Khmer! So special.

- Also at the market today I stopped briefly at a grandmother's stall to look at her t-shirts. She spoke to me in English first but it didn't take much Khmer on my part for her to get excited. I asked her about sizes and colors and she happily pulled out what I asked for. When I asked her the price, she pulled me close and whispered in Khmer, "You are my friend so I will give you a special price", and then named a price less than half of what I normally hear when tourists buy the same shirt in the market. I had to smile.

The Wrong Ideal

I came to the mission field hoping I would be the perfect missionary, at least the ideal missionary I envisioned in my head. Somehow on the plane ride I would be transformed into a sweet, bubbly, outgoing person (preferably with adorable hair and a smile that brightens any room), the kind of person everyone instantly loves. This is the type of person who will make a difference, who will be remembered as someone great.

Well, I'm sorry to say that magic transformation has not happened. I am not suddenly outgoing, I am not good at asking people all kinds of questions, and my hair is certainly anything but adorable (most days I am content if it isn't sticking out all over the place because of the humidity). I am most definitely NOT the "perfect" missionary.

But perhaps my ideal is not really God's ideal. 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 says, "May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it".

More important than being the contagiously sweet person that everyone loves is that I share the aroma of Christ. What is in me that will draw people to the Light of Life? What is in me that needs the sanctifying work of Jesus? Oh there is much. My goal should not be to bring glory to myself by somehow attaining an imaginary ideal. No, my goal is to serve a faithful God who works in and through me for HIS glory.

This does not mean I can give myself permission to not work hard to be outgoing. Loving people means learning their stories, talking and laughing with them, building relationships. While that is not what I am good at, not what is comfortable for me naturally, I trust our Faithful God to keep up His work of grace in my heart so I can sit and chat and ask questions of strangers in order to open a door to share the Truth. May He be honored and glorified above all else.

Before the Throne

Friends,

Would you join me in going before the throne of our Father?

- Cambodia's national election is this coming weekend. Please pray with me for a peaceful election process and safety for everyone in the country. It most likely will not be a fair election (let's just say there are reports of many more ballots printed than there are registered voters) and there are many different ideas about what might happen but The Lord is in control! Your prayers are greatly appreciated for wisdom for Kristin and me and our team here. It has certainly been an interesting culture and history lesson the last few weeks as we have learned the various layers of the different parties running, but we have not necessarily appreciated the traffic jams because of the political parades! If you are interested in learning more, check out the Cambodia Daily, an independent, English newspaper: http://www.cambodiadaily.com/. 

- Please continue to lift up our language learning process. We continue to press forward in our understanding and in our ability to engage in conversation. This is a praise for sure! Pray for diligence and increased expansion of comprehension and vocabulary (and good memories!).

How can I pray for you? Please do send me your requests and praises, or post in the comments, so we can go before our Father together!

Reasons to Be Thankful

Our Father is so faithful to provide good gifts to His children. I don't know that I have ever had so many ups and downs and rollercoaster days before in my life- and yet sometimes I feel like I can see so much more of God's grace than ever before.

- This week Kristin and I visited our favorite little cafe for lunch. Another girl sat at a table near us, working on her computer and enjoying the food as well. After we received our food we said a quick prayer and were about to dig in when she approached our table. "I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but are you guys Christians?" "Yes" we told her. Her face lit up. "Me too!" Her name is Erin, and she is working in a very rural village with only a few other believers. "Somehow I knew as soon as you walked in. There was something about you". We chatted, exchanging language learning adventures and things we were excited to be able to find in Phnom Penh. We shared our stories of God's calling to Cambodia, and it turns out Erin is a Midwest sister from Iowa. As we said goodbye, she said, "We may never see each other again, but it was such a blessing to meet you".

- This week in language school we have been learning about the words for members of the family and how to tell about them. It has been so special to bring pictures of our siblings and parents and cousins and show them off, and the teachers love it too. We heard stories of our teachers' families, and how one of our teacher's parents were forced to marry in a mass ceremony during the Pol Pot era, and yet love was able to grow over the years.

- Sometimes you just need chocolate. :) I made brownies that have served as a wonderful reward this week for getting through the day.

Last October I started counting gifts, writing down the special blessings in each day. It has been so amazing to me to see what God gives and the ways that He can give grace even in the hard situations. In a previous blog I shared a few highlights from the first 1000 gifts. Here now are a smattering of the gifts from 1000 to 2000.

1032. Homeschooling girl and Bible-reading Mom in Starbucks
1038. Coffee in my Sumatra mug
1296. Jessica sent me cookies!
1329. Jamie Grace song that keeps coming on the radio
1369. No car trouble on the long drive home from Texas
1427. Lingering supper conversation and Dutch Blitz on our first night at MTI
1506. How Barbara felt "at home" in Cambodia
1519. A beautiful, refreshing hike with Margaret
1631. Clarity in the solitude
1641. Facebook pictures of Mt. Herman
1648. Nothing can thwart the purposes of God
1755. How we are still friends after 5 years of being out of college
1758. How they glowed when they came back in after he proposed
1836. Saying goodbye- how they cried and I cried, but it was okay
1906. No extra charges for our luggage
1914. Watching Cambodia life out of our window
1959. Our first solo tuk-tuk experience was successful
1978. Little boys with big umbrellas
1986. Permission granted
1998. A mango smoothie on a hot, hot day
2000. Finally, today's rain

The Ants in Our Granola

A wise missionary told me before I left, "It often is not the elephants that get you but the ants". There are many stressful things that happen anywhere, and usually it is the constant annoying things that can pile up and send us packing, rather than the big things.

Yesterday we discovered ants in our granola. We thought the container was sealed but they are crafty little creatures and found a way to slip inside. Now, this may seem like a very minor thing. It is really, but when you add on that daily life here takes a lot more work and planning, it has been excessively hot the last week, I still get very frustrated that I can't communicate, and the discovery of the ants was just about enough to send me to my room for a good long cry.

I would love to say I had some spiritual revelation that brought deep peace. I didn't though. Instead, Kristin and I looked at our little "ant farm", looked at each other, and laughed. Yes, we laughed. "Oh well!" we said, and sifted through the granola container, scooping it into our bowls. "We cannot let them beat us".

I am learning to let go. There are many things that can send me over the edge. There is news from home that is anything but pleasant, making the miles seem to multiply. Seeing things daily that break my heart, realizing sometimes my heart is numb and doesn't break enough. And there are things like ants in the granola that are small trials. All of these God can use to refine us, teach us to lean even closer to Him and trust Him.

What is your "ants-in-the-granola" story? How did God use the daily frustrations or the big stress-moment to teach you?

Chosen

I started reading Ephesians this morning. I think this letter from Paul amazes me more every time I read it, as I see the amazing depths and riches of God's love pouring out of his words.

We are chosen. Do you know what that means, the significance? Lining up to play a game, leaders choosing sides, that uncomfortable moment of wondering, "Will they choose me last?" Oh, I have had many of those experiences. Fearing whether someone would choose me to be part of their presentation group in college. Those awkward moments when you are supposed to turn to someone next to you to answer a question. What if everyone turns the other way? The joy when you ARE chosen.

Paul says it several times in Ephesians 1:
1:4 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.
1:11 In him we were also chosen...for the praise of His glory.

Chosen to receive the grace that is lavished on us, chosen to be heirs, adopted sons and daughters. Do I deserve this? No, but that is grace. Chosen not because I was born in the right country, to the right family or did anything to merit such favor. Chosen because of the Love of a Father who sent His Son to die in my place. We are chosen but we must make a choice too- a choice to believe and trust and follow.


This is the message of hope I want to bring:
- To our "uncle" tuk-tuk driver whose grin lights up our day, who faithfully carts us around wherever we want to go
- To the women who are forced into a slavery of prostitution
- To those who make next to nothing providing the clothing you and I wear every day, working in terrible conditions, traveling for miles and leaving families behind
- To my friends in America who have decided there is no Truth anymore, who do what pleases them while continuing to search for something to fill the hole in their heart
- To those who follow a religion of rules with no hope of anything eternal

{Grieving the Familiar}

I come from a family that thrives on tradition. We do things because we have always done them that way. Particularly around the holidays, there is a deep sense of joy that comes from the familiar ways that we celebrate. I am not as much of a stickler about this as I used to be (it is not worthy of great punishment if you listen to Christmas music before Thanksgiving day, although I will still frown at you).

For some reason it hit me today that I would not be home for Christmas. For the first time EVER. I won't have snow or be able curl up under a blanket, cozy with hot chocolate and a long-awaited book, savoring the quiet of time away from work (or school). I won't be there for our sibling Christmas-eve slumber party, or to laugh over our family gifts to each other. I will miss singing familiar carols at my home church, united in spirit and worship of our Savior. And all the other things that have meant Christmas to me.

So what will I get? Probably joy-filled celebrations with my Cambodian brothers and sisters. Discovering new traditions with Kristin. Maybe a cup of homemade hot chocolate next to Kristin's fireplace screen saver and a new book on my Kindle. Knowing that Jesus left His home to come to our world, a much more painful transition than I could imagine, knowing He did that for me. How can I not be obedient, even if that means giving up the familiar, giving up the sweet fullness that comes when we are altogether as family? I am so thankful for His grace as I walk this path, learning to lean on Him more and more. 

Zoo Trip!

Yesterday we went with a group from our church to take about 25 kids from a village to the zoo in Takeo province. It was a long day but my heart was full by the time we got home. Here are a few highlights, stories and special moments.



- I am thankful that love and laughter and a big smile can transcend language barriers. I had great aspirations of asking the kids lots of questions and really progressing in my comprehension. Unfortunately the night before we had a wedding on our street, which meant VERY loud music and not a lot of sleep. One cup of coffee was not enough but it was all I got, and I think my brain started shutting down at 7:00 a.m. But the kids didn't seem to mind that I asked them questions that didn't quite make sense, or that sometimes I would stare at them blankly when I couldn't figure out what they were saying. They were content to hold my hand and babble on about how cool the animals were.

- There weren't a lot of other people at the zoo, but any time the kids would see another Westerner, they would ask me in Khmer, "Do you know them?" They didn't quite understand when I told them I didn't. "They are 'barang' (foreigner) like you".

- There was a little boy that was watching the games the kids were playing in the morning. I don't know his story but he couldn't talk and I'm not sure if he could hear. He was excited when we gave him some of the rice and chicken for lunch. Later he ended up being our tour guide. He led us through the different pens where we could get up close to the different animals. When he smiled his whole face lit up, and he loved being with the other kids. It was fun watching the kids in our group too and how they used their own version of sign language to communicate with him.

- The Cambodian people who worked at the zoo thought it was pretty funny that two white girls were walking around with a group of Khmer children. Some of the visitors to the zoo thought it was interesting as well. Towards the end of the day, a Cambodian tourist approached us and said his sister (who was about our age) wanted to get a picture with us. We were hot and tired and looked as much, but she posed with us like we were someone famous.

- It was almost time to leave and the kids had stopped to check out a large tiger. Kristin and I stayed in the truck to rest for a minute. One of the teachers drove us a bit farther to the elephant area. They had a spot where you could go right up and meet and greet the elephant. It was a bit intimidating at first, but it was a special moment for me getting to see one of God's creatures up close. There weren't any other tourists around, and the kids hadn't caught up with us yet, and it was almost a holy moment. Wow, what a creative God we serve and how cool to get to experience this day, enjoying His handiwork with a bunch of sweet kiddos.

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Stone Faced

Isaiah 50:7 Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore, I have set my face like a stone, determined to do his will. And I know that I will not be put to shame.

This has become my theme verse for language learning! Some days I rejoice because I was able to explain our change in plans to our "uncle" and he showed up at the new time to take us to class. I rejoice when I understand full sentences and even paragraphs! I rejoice when I can share with our teacher about how my sister is marrying Kristin's brother and we get to go home in September for the wedding, and she laughs long and smiles big and is so happy for us.

Then there are those days. Yep, the ones where I stare blankly back at my teacher when I did not understand a word that just came out of her mouth. You are speaking the language I have been learning the last month, right? The days when I come back to our apartment and feel like my brain is going to explode and will I ever move forward? But that is when I press into my Savior and press forward. I take great comfort in the fact that He is the One who called me to this place, He is the One who created this language and created my brain with the ability to learn it.

I remember back to 2011 when I was preparing to come to western Cambodia and help with VBS. We were supposed to be helping the girls with a sewing project and also teaching them to crochet, a skill I did not yet know. I bought a book, some yarn and a hook and attempted to teach myself. I mastered the first kind of stitch we needed to learn, and I understood the concept of the second but could not for the life of me get the yarn and hook to cooperate. I took it home with me for a mini-vacation and explained it to my sister who figured it out and tried to show me. I was so frustrated because I wasn't going to be able to help teach the girls in the village and was ready to give up. My brother was sitting there in the living room, listening to my complaining. He gave me a sports analogy which has stuck with me. "You just have to keep going until you get over the hump. Then you've got it. But you have to get over the hump first." He shared how he was trying to learn how to throw a certain type of baseball pitch and it wasn't coming. Instead of giving up (like I was about to do) he kept going, persevering. And then he got it. So, I sat on our couch and decided to keep trying! And I finally got it, after multiple stitches ripped out and re-starts.

I am determined to learn this language even though it doesn't come naturally to me and some days, those days, I just want to give up and go home or at least speak to someone in English for awhile.

If God has called you to a task, called you to stand up for Truth and declare His Name, He will not leave you hanging. He will not let you be disgraced but you must keep pressing forward and working hard!