Status

It is amazing how quickly things can change within a culture! In the last few months, Kristin and I have observed that motorcycles (the little 125cc bikes we call motos) have gone from a normal mode of transportation to a status symbol and way to be "cool". Big, 1,000 cc motos have made an appearance and have become quite popular with the young male crowd. It is not possible to drive these ginormous bikes slowly and carefully, instead you must zoom down the road, weaving in and out with no care for pedestrians. Coming home from the grocery store today I was almost run over by a crazy man on such a moto, who was more interested in impressing his girlfriend than watching the road.

These things are scary when they are coming right at you! 

It is easy to let other things define us, determine our status. It might be our possessions (even I wouldn't mind a lovely cherry red Honda Dream someday), our relationship status, our job, our degrees, our family, and the list could go on. Can I let you in on a little heart secret? Years ago when God was first burdening my heart for unreached peoples and far-off places, I delighted in the thought of people knowing I was a missionary. Somehow this vocation was a cut above the rest. "Perhaps now I will get the attention/respect/etc., etc. that I so wanted in high school," I thought, because somehow a title could give me a special status, define me. Oh, how wrong I was. First of all, living in a foreign country, carrying the job title "missionary" is NOT higher up on the totem pole than any other work God might call us to do. I was full of pride to think that it was.

Truthfully, all too often I look to outside things to define me, to give me a higher status. But instead, I need to look to my Heavenly Father. Here's what He had to say to the Israelites in Deuteronomy 10:17: "For The Lord your God is the God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes". It is not about our status but the Lord's status, which is AWESOME! He is far above what our little minds can imagine, ALL-powerful, and yet He chooses to love us. He chooses to gift us and call us and put each of us in a unique position in order to bring Him glory and speak His truth.

Love God, walk in His ways, serve Him with your whole heart, and obey His commands (Deut. 10:12-13), and don't let status become the idol of your heart! (#Preaching to myself)

This is much more my style- but purely for transportation, not status! 
(2011 Honda Dream)

Letting Go of the Pack

The British 1986 film The Mission tells the story of a Jesuit missionary named Gabriel who sets up a post in the jungles of South America in the mid-18th century. Father Gabriel meets slave trader Rodrigo, who following his murder of his adulterous younger brother has fallen into deep guilt and depression. Father Gabriel proposes Rodrigo serve at the jungle outpost as his penance, among the very people Rodrigo formerly enslaved and sold. In order to reach the village and further make restitution for his guilt, Rodrigo must lug a heavy pack up the treacherous trail to the village.The journey is rough as it is, climbing up a mountain and crossing a dangerous waterfall. Rodrigo arrives bedraggled and having almost lost his life a number of times, the pack weighing heavy on his back. He is greeted by the villagers, who really have every right to respond in hate and anger. Instead, in a beautiful picture of forgiveness, the villagers cut off Rodrigo's heavy burden and cast it back down the mountain. (Here's a link to the scene: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wzhhFRqjF_o)

The Father has been making me aware of late how quickly I add the pack of guilt to my shoulders and carry it around. It is not usually a burden I should be bearing, but the expectations of others, my own expectations of my myself, fear of the "what if's" and pondering the "if only's" sometimes add rocks to a pack that is too much to bear and I struggle along up the path. Did not Jesus say, "My yoke is easy and my burden is light"? (Matthew 11:30) Last Sunday we arrived at our normal time for church and someone invited us to join the young adult Bible study. It had already been going on for 40 minutes with only a few minutes left. I found myself thinking, "We shouldn't be interrupting their time so late! They are going to wonder why we are there. We will just be a bother!" (I am sure this comes from my western view of the importance of time) Today was one of those days when the words swirled around in my head and did not get organized enough to come out of my mouth in an orderly fashion. I came home from class thinking that surely after 7 months here I would be done with frustrating language days! Maybe I am not cut out to learn this language or any language.

"Wait, daughter," I hear the Father saying. "Is that your burden to bear?" Do I need to feel guilt for what others might think, when I don't even know what that might be? Will there not be frustrating days no matter where I am, or what language I am speaking? Here's the invitation found in Matthew 11:28-29: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls". Rest, learn grace, extend grace. Cut off that pack and let it roll down the mountain, knowing freedom and forgiveness always in Christ. Am I bearing my own heavy burden, adding unnecessary rocks of guilt, or am I taking up the light burden of Christ?

It is Coming!

It is easy to be afraid- when crowds fill the streets, demanding only what is fair and right. Marching to protest injustice, only to have the leaders take away this ability. Clashes that turn violent and deadly, people put in prison and cut off from their families. When my eyes are only on the newspaper and latest updates on Twitter, it is easy to see just the problems and worry.

But the Father is saying, "Sarah, daughter of little faith! Don't you see that this is part of my plan for this nation?" I have prayed, prayed for a shaking of this place until only God's Kingdom remains. A light burning so bright in this country that nations surrounding are drawn to the glory of God that is on display here. And it is coming! God is doing something big, the start of His healing of this nation, these people. The chains that have held these people captive will be broken! Pray this with me, will you?

Isaiah 62:1-4 (NLT) Because I love Zion [and Cambodia], I will not keep still. Because my heart yearns for Jerusalem, I cannot remain silent. I will not stop praying for her until her righteousness shines like the dawn, and her salvation blazes like a burning torch. The nations will see your righteousness. World leaders will be blinded by your glory. And you will be given a new name by the Lord's own mouth. The Lord will hold you in his hand for all to see- a splendid crown in the hand of God. Never again will you be called, "The Forsaken City" or "The Desolate Land". Your new name will be "The City of God's Delight" and "The Bride of God".

My One Word- 2014

Yep, I'm joining the one-word bandwagon- choosing a word to dwell on for the year. At first when I heard about this concept I was a bit skeptical. How do I land on one word that could be a theme for the entire year? I have no idea what the next year might hold, I don't know what all God might want to teach me. 

But, I have been coming back to a passage of Scripture for the last few months and out of this God gave me a word and really a goal for the year (and probably the foreseeable future): treasure. 

It comes from 2 Corinthians 4:6-7: For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 

As I was praying for my team here several months ago, God gave me a picture of a group of cracked pots representing each of us who are serving here. My cracks-areas of weakness or struggle-are different from every one else's. But God's glory can (hopefully) shine brighter through our weaknesses as He reveals Himself to the Cambodian people. 

Lately I have been realizing the things that I am pursuing, the things that take up the most space in my heart and and mind, are really quite earthly. What do I most treasure? Is it Jesus? That is what I want to linger on, lean in to this year. The God who created light, who breathed life, and provides every good thing, allowed us to know Him through Jesus. The Son who was fully God humbled Himself to take on human flesh, crossing barriers and making His home in our broken world. Not because He had anything to gain, but because of a love so deep it carried him to the cross. Jesus is the treasure I want to pursue this year. 

2013: A Year In Review

Highlights from the year just finished

After 4 1/2 years of working in the home office, I said goodbye to some of the most amazing people I have ever met. Their dedication to The Lord, service to missionaries and love for their neighbors is so inspiring! I'm thankful for continued friendship and support from so many in the office and from my church. I learned a lot about saying goodbye, attempting to finish well and letting go.

Kristin and I spent 5 weeks in Colorado at Mission Training International. I can't imagine coming overseas without this training! We laughed, cried and learned with people on the same journey heading to many different countries. I learned huge lessons about my own heart that have shaped my transition over the last few months.  

We said hard goodbyes to family and friends, and I am so thankful for those last precious moments with my family before leaving! Then we said 'hello' to a different, new adventure. A new place to live, new language, new food and new friends and experiences. 

My youngest brother Matthew came to help with VBS in western Cambodia! It was so fun to share that adventure with him and see His love for Jesus and the kids. 

My sister got married. I got to go home for the wedding, I gained a brother-in-law, I cried a lot, and dealt with jet-lag twice in 10 days. SO WORTH IT. 

This year was full of tears, lots of chapters ending and new ones beginning. There were days that were hard, moments that were so full of joy and God's glory I thought my heart would burst. God's grace and His goodness were the steady rock that my heart needed through it all. He NEVER changes, never lets us go! He is THE treasure that my heart will pursue in the year ahead!

Ready for whatever adventure God has next!

The Harvest Fields

Luke 10:2 He told them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask The Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."

Photo Credit: Emily Hilkemann

John 4:34-35 "My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. Do you not say, 'Four months more and then the harvest'? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest." 

Photo Credit: Kristin Tillotson

Matthew 28:18-20 Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Photo Credit: Emily Hilkemann

Hebrews 12:11-13 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and week knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled but rather healed. 

Isaiah 60:1-3 "Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of The Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but The Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn". 

Gifts from Above

When you are far away from home, experiencing Christmas in a place where the holiday means tacky tinsel and bright lights and nothing more for most people, it is the little things that mean so much.

- A friend who posted a Christmas concert on Google+ without knowing it, not realizing it would bless two girls overseas who were missing the beauty of carols and praise to Jesus, music in our heart language, hearing friends singing.

- Pictures of snow, decorating the family Christmas tree, friends who are wearing sweaters and exchanging gifts, the familiar.

- My stocking, the one that normally hangs next to my siblings' stockings in our living room on Christmas Eve, filled with candy in a package from home that made its way all the way to Cambodia.

- The beauty of quiet. No traffic noises or construction sounds, people yelling or dogs howling. Just silence and a cup of tea and Jesus time.

- A cool breeze that means I have worn long-sleeves every day for the last week.

- Restored joy, only found in Jesus.

I'll be honest, it has been a tough couple of weeks. Oh, nothing major, just the little things like ants that eat our tortillas, sickness, mosquito bites, things that break, missing home. But if I look hard enough? There are gifts, so many gifts, pouring down from the Father of Light and Life and peace that fills this weary heart.

For the Rough Days

(Reflections from Sunday)

I am normally a one-cup-of-coffee kind of gal. I enjoy savoring a mug full of French press coffee while reading my Bible as the sun is coming up, getting ready for our day. Of late I have been enjoying a bit of homemade caramel and cream in my coffee which has been a lovely December treat.

But today is a two-cup-of-coffee kind of day. We have increased the hours of language school we are doing every week, and by the weekend I am quite worn out! It seemed this morning there were so many things that were trying to steal my joy, to make the exhaustion seem greater and the day seem longer.

As I was sitting in church, fighting the distractions, I declared to The Lord, "I am not going to let these things steal my joy". Jesus is our joy, and this is the day He created! We sang in church today about how wonderful our Savior is, the One True God, Most Powerful! Perhaps I may not feel like singing from the rooftops, but the wonder of God is not dependent on my feelings. He deserve the glory no matter what!

What Does Christmas Look Like?

When I was a kid, Christmas looked like lots of snow and cold, frosty mornings. It meant practicing for Sundays on end for our Christmas cantata, a new Christmas dress from my grandma. There was the anticipation of waking up to find my dad's old socks which doubled as stockings filled with treats, waiting while my dad finished chores to open presents. There were little boxes of cereal and cran-apple juice for our Christmas breakfast, new toys to play with and new books to read.

Later Christmas looked like sweet family time, my siblings and I happily squished together in the girls' room for a Christmas Eve sleepover. The socks got replaced with stockings with our names on them, and the Christmas story read all together as a family took on deeper meaning. There were still presents, still little boxes of cereal and carols sung by candlelight at the Christmas Eve service. But Christmas was about Jesus and family and celebration.

Now, Christmas looks very different. Take away the snow, the stockings, the cran-apple juice, and add thousands of miles in between my family and me, and what is left? This year with everything else stripped away, there is more Jesus. I miss all those things, but I am able to see more clearly this year the beauty of God's gift, how God prepared the way through all the prophets and servants He used to show the need of a Savior. Oh, I most certainly miss my family, our sweet traditions, and I can't listen to Silent Night quite yet because it reminds of the special moment of the lights turned off and the glowing candlelight shining in the faces of dear friends at my church. I EVEN miss the snow and below zero weather, and so I treasure the days here when a cardigan is necessary. But I am seeing Jesus in a new way, seeing His coming through fresh eyes. In this Advent season I am more aware of my need for Him, filled with joy in the anticipation of His second coming, and praying for new ways to see the beauty of the gift of His first coming.

I am also thankful for sweet blessings here that make the familiar seem not so far away: 

1) A sweet little tree that fits perfectly in the corner

2) A celebration with friends of Thanksgiving and Advent, how it all fits together because without Jesus we could not give thanks

3) A Christmas concert with familiar carols, put on by an expat choir in Phnom Penh, and the beauty of singing Joy to the World all together 

4) The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp, The Women of Christmas by Liz Curtis Higgs, invitations to study the story of Christmas in a new and deeper way, serving as encouragement on this side of the ocean

5) Advent sermons online 

{Advent} Hope

Hope. A feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen; a feeling of trust. 

December is the perfect time to read Genesis. I've been trying to imagine Abraham, Isaac and Jacob as they received the Word from El Shaddai, God Almighty: "I will bless you and make your name great."

"Me?" says Abraham, yet to have a child, getting along in years. Isaac with his two warring sons, Jacob with extended family problems. Yes, these men who sometimes messed up, wrestled with God, struggled to obey, but at the end of their lives still praised God saying, "The God who has been my shepherd all my life to this day, the Angel who has delivered me from all harm" (Genesis 48:15).

How could they know what was to come? That generations later, kings and prophets and vagabonds and sinners and persevering souls later would come the Messiah. They couldn't see it but could only believe what was promised. These men surely looked at their lives and knew they couldn't put their hope in their mischievous wives or often-selfish children, and definitely not themselves, rather they could only hope in God and His Word. They could only look expectantly for how only God could answer their prayers, only He could fulfill His promise.

This is our only hope too: Jesus. Oh, we try to let ourselves think we can do it on our own, but then we hit rock bottom, with no where else to turn. Instead, we need to turn our eyes as the Genesis men did, to El Shaddai who wove the story of redemption throughout all of time, to Jesus who paid it all so that we might live free and full of hope.

Psalm 62:5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.