To Baby Caleb

On Saturday my beautiful nephew Caleb Gideon was born. I could easily talk about this kid for 50 bazillion blog posts to come, but I will try not to. Although I must say he is about the most beautiful baby I have every seen!

With Uncle Josh

Caleb, I love that you get to be part of two amazing families. You have aunts and uncles and grandparents that love Jesus. Your mommy and daddy are two of the sweetest people I know, and they are going to raise you in a family that puts God first, that is full of love and full of fun too.

More than likely you will grow up in a country other than America. You will learn to love a culture that is different from the one your parents came from, you will have to discover how you fit in the middle of the two. I love that for you, little man, but I hate it for you in some ways too. I love that you will learn to be flexible, to speak another language, to have a passport before you even reach your first birthday. You are going to have friends from lots of different places, experience things most other kids don't get to experience.

But you are going to have to learn to say goodbye, and say it a lot. You'll probably spend a good portion of your growing up years away from your amazing grandparents and aunts and uncles. You will see hard things, things this auntie would much rather protect you from. You will probably see things that will be difficult to understand, and I pray your heart stays tender through it all. I pray that you will see that no matter what, God is good. No matter what, He is with you. I hope that you will grow to love your passport country and understand the amazing heritage that you have. I hope that you will learn to love and serve Jesus just as your parents are.

I hope that I get lots of opportunities to spoil you rotten, precious boy! You are so loved.

Your auntie, Sarah

{Lessons} Abide and Obey

Trees.

I grew up heading out to the cornfields when I needed a place to think, to clear my head. I loved the sound of the wind in the trees, vibrant green in the summer if we were getting enough rain and all shades of red and yellow and brown as the ears of corn grew dry and ready for harvest. In the quiet, just me and my Father and thoughts going every which way, I sorted out life and decisions and relationships.

I didn't realize how much I would miss the beauty of trees, of anything green. When the traffic and constant construction noises cause my head to pound and my heart to constrict and all I want to do is find a place to walk, out of the city and all that entails, a place of solitude to sort it all out.

I came back from our organizational conference last week with a head full of ideas and plans and a heart full of excitement and trepidation and fear. Vision casting? Praying more? Seed sowing more? Are you sure you called the right person, Father?

In the somewhat stillness of my room, I started drawing a tree. I have never been exactly artistic, but drawing even in the simplest form has been an outlet for me of late. As the tree took shape, the leaves bright green, I was reminded of the passage from John 15 that talks about the vine and the branches.

John 15:5-10 I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be given to you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love.  

Abide and obey. Then the fruit will come. It is not my job to grow the fruit, or take credit for the fruit, this is all for the Father's glory. I need to abide, spending precious time with Him even if there are no beautiful cornfields or trees to be found. He is my resting place, my place of solitude where I sort it all out. As I obey what He is telling me, then the fruit will come and it won't be about pleasing humans or numbers or goals, but praise to Jesus.

Thailand 

Just Do It Scared

"Their faces look the same!"

Kristin and I are not unaccustomed to this comment overheard as we go about our daily lives in Cambodia; in fact we have random strangers from America now coming up to us to ask if we are sisters. This time I heard a woman selling coffee remark to her friend on our similar faces as we joined Jeremy, a colleague in town and Dacey, a friend from the home office, to walk and pray.

The little alleyway-turned-street was packed with various food and drink vendors, shop owners selling goodies in front of their homes and motos fending for space among the throngs of early morning coffee-drinkers.

I laughed a bit when I heard the woman's comment and paused to report the news to the rest of the group. "Go sit by her!" Jeremy said, and my insides twisted up. "Wait, what?" I thought. "What do I say?" But then I remembered a phrase that has stuck with me for the last several months: "Just do it scared". Too often we think we need to wait to share until we have it all together, and the fear has faded. Nope!

So, I turned around, and slid into the plastic chair next to the woman at the table as she sipped her iced coffee. Before I could get much farther than, "Hello, aunt!", she asked, "Do you know Jesus?" I smiled. "Yes, do you?" She went on to speak of who Jesus was to her, how He had healed her and her family and provided for their needs. She told us about the little group that met in her home and invited us to share Jesus along the river front with her. We delighted in getting to know her and praying a prayer of blessing over her as we departed.

God does not ask us to be brave because of our own ability, but to trust Him and hang on when He throws open the door so His glory can shine through!

* I am thankful for my friend Amie who orginally shared the phrase "Just do it scared" with me back in March.

Sword at the Ready

He was an honest-to-goodness knight, clad from head to foot in steel armor still shiny. He knew the reality of the battle but had not yet been in the thick of it, his feet quaking but his heart swelling with courage. The darkness was thick around him, pressing in like a heavy blanket until he thought it would smother him, the sound of the enemy coming closer, the echoes of battle all around him. But his sword was at the ready, and as he lifted it to fight, it pierced the darkness like a bolt of lightning. It sliced through the darkness, pushing back the enemy as the knight and his fellow warriors defended the honor of their king.

It was Wednesday, the day we gather to praise and to pray over this country that holds my heart. We are in the midst of the darkness, the darkest time of the year, a seasoned friend said. It is the beginning of the two-week celebration of Pjom Bun, a holiday that commemorates the ancestral spirits. The Enemy is on the loose as he prowls and masquerades, deceiving and holding captive. People go to the Buddhist temple to give food to monks in honor of their deceased relatives, hoping to keep the spirits happy, hoping to gain merit, to lesson the eternal punishment of these family members. As we prayed, the lies and deceit of the Enemy felt like an impossibly heavy burden, the darkness felt almost tangible. But, we pressed in, praying and worshipping. We declared the Lordship of Jesus, we declared His name and His glory and as we did it felt like a sword piercing the darkness. While the Enemy is having a hayday, it is our King that is victorious. It is ultimately His truth that will prevail. His bride is waiting here in Cambodia. They are not yet complete, not quite ready, there are so many more that need to hear and turn to the only One who can fill their hearts with everlasting hope. But one day this Cambodian bride will gather around the throne of God to worship, joining with brothers and sisters from every other tribe and nation. The task is still upon us. So, like the brave knight, we must put on our armor, whether battle-scarred or still a bit shiny, and take up our sword, the Light that pieces the darkness.

I am most definitely not an artist, but this was my best attempt to depict the sword-wielding, light-piercing-the-darkness-knight vision The Lord gave me during our prayer time. :) 

{Border} A Change of Heart

We were asking God to show us the best place for Kristin and me to live, to base out of as we engage families in discipleship. I was pretty sure I knew where it was going to be, I fully expected God to confirm our plans.

We stopped in two border towns on our way to our final destination, Pailin. We have been praying for over two years for this place, the area we planned to make our new home. We wouldn't just focus on the town itself but reach out to surrounding villages, working our way north toward our partners in Sompovloun. We got to meet a lot of people in the two little towns but I really didn't think about them too much more than as a dusty "pass-through" to our final destination.

I fell in love with Pailin right away. What's not to love about views of mountains and valleys right out your window? I felt comfortable walking the streets, I got excited seeing a place for rent. But, as we started exploring we came across several already-thriving churches, started to meet a few believers. It seemed a good work was already going there.

My group climbed a hill behind the temple, and I felt a peace I normally don't feel when praying around Buddhist statues and temples. It was evident that God was showing His power. As we looked out over the valley in all directions, I was tempted to claim that land, to say boldly, "This is the land you are giving us, Lord, where there will soon be many worshipers of You". But, something held me back. Even then God was starting to release the strings holding tightly to my own plan. Instead, my young Khmer friend and I proclaimed praises to The Lord, asking for His blessing over the area.

Others were starting to feel like perhaps God had a different plan for us. God is at work in Pailin, that is for sure. But were we were to be a part of it?

I fought it, trying to hold on to my own desires. But, as we made our way back to Sompovloun after our two days of praying, I was asking for God's peace. He reminded me of something I used to hear the president of our organization say when I worked in the home office: "Don't ask 'What can I do?' but ask 'What needs to be done?'" The truth is that there are thriving believers in Pailin who desire to make disciples and are doing so. As we stopped for breakfast in one of the "pass-through" towns I had earlier dismissed, the weight of the darkness reminded me of the urgency of going to the places where others are not going. Instead of thinking about my own plan and comforts, I asked myself, "What needs to be done?" God changed my heart, opening my eyes to new possibilities. We are continuing to seek Him and I am giving Him my own plans and desires so that He can fill me with the joy of His will.

Brother Gifts

When we put a new spigot on our water filter a couple of months ago, we had to be really careful or the cup would overflow because the water came out so much faster. My heart sort of feels like that overflowing cup right now, full of memories and blessings and such sweet moments from the last two weeks with my brother Matthew and Kristin's brother Michael. Here are a few of the gifts:

- Splitting Khmer curry with Matthew the first lunch once the team arrived, his contented sigh after the first bite. I love getting to share favorites from my life here.

- Matthew and Michael were eager to explore and try new things, no matter where we went. Kristin and I tend to be much more reserved, so we appreciated their zeal. One day in Phnom Penh they rented a moto and explored the city. While I was pretty nervous, their grins and excitement after their adventure made it worth it.

- Hearing our brothers pray out loud as we walked throughout western Cambodia. Matthew's sharing after our afternoon in Pailin: "When we climbed to the top of the hill with the Buddhist statue I didn't know what to pray, so I just sang praise songs to God".

- Their constant, bubbling-over laughter. How we ran into the monkeys at Angkor Wat and the brothers made friends. We laughed when one of them stole Matthew's hat, over all of the silly antics, and Michael's ingenious snatching of the hat back. Taking crazy pictures, enjoying all of our different forms of transportation, just relaxing.

- Sibling dates. Sharing my first 4D movie experience with Matthew, familiar western food, and browsing the bookstore.

- How he read every sign and looked at every picture in the genocide museum because he truly wanted to know, because he cares about the Cambodian people.

- Breakfast waiting for us after our language lesson compliments of our brothers, even the dishes washed afterwards for us.

- Hugs goodbye at the airport, our hearts full.

Photo Credit: Michael Tillotson

{Border} Asking for the Right Road

Photo Credit: Michael Tillotson

Wednesday, August 27th
We asked the Holy Spirit for wisdom as we left the guesthouse, our team of four ready to pray and walk in Pailin our last afternoon there. "Lead us to the right road, the right people". The young woman from the church in Sompovloun pointed to a muddy side road. "Let's go that way," she said.

Being the two Khmer speakers (one native and the other at least functioning), we were to take the lead. "Are you sure?" I wanted to whisper to her and to the Holy Spirit. I have this thing about slipping and sliding in the mud, and getting my feet dirty. Yeah, I guess I need to get over that.

We set off, the road strangely quiet and peaceful. We asked for the peace that can only come from the Heavenly Father, His love raining down in this place.

One of the ladies in our group noticed the building to our left, a simple cross the only sign a group of believers might gather there. Slipping inside the gate, we could see a group of children eagerly reciting the Khmer alphabet, a young man attempting to keep them in line. He saw us coming and met us outside, and we explained our mission. "Here we are, walking and praying, and is there anything we can pray about for you and this church?"

He shared some of the history of the church, how God had worked and their efforts without outside help or dependance on foreigners. He and others were working to start new groups in neighboring villages, their desire to see people loving Jesus evident on his face and in his words.

We walked on just a little bit farther and our young friend, filled with increasing boldness, beckoned to us to follow her inside another gate to speak to a couple of grandmothers tying together banana leaves filled with rice on a wooden platform. "Did you just come from the church?" one of the grandmothers asked. "I believe in Jesus too, but my friend here hasn't trusted Jesus yet". She shared her testimony with us, her desire to see all of her children following The Lord.

There are challenges, many things that hold people back from Jesus. "My parents live at the temple because they are old," the other grandmother told us. "How can I just turn my back on them?" We shared Truth with her, while her believing friend affirmed and joined in.

God is at work. He is using His people in this place to reach their neighbors and those in nearby villages. He guided us specifically down that muddy road so we could get a taste of His glory in this little border town, and He is continuing to lead and guide as we listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit.

Plowing the Field

When a farmer desires a bountiful harvest, he doesn't go out one day and find the fields ready with the crop. It takes much planning and preparation. The land must be cleared of rocks and weeds, the ground must be plowed and smoothed out, and the seed planted. The farmer must wait for the rain, wait for the crop to grow before he can bring in the fruit of his labor.

We are looking forward to a bountiful harvest in Cambodia- worshipers of The Lord spreading throughout each province and beyond the borders of this country. There is much to be done before this harvest comes, and we are excited about what The Lord is going to do as He uses us to play a small part in seeing His glory come here.

On Friday, a team from America will be coming to be part of preparing for the harvest here in Cambodia. As a group we will travel to western Cambodia to prayer walk through villages in Battambang and Pailin provinces. We'll be joining the local pastor, praying over the areas where the church there is doing outreach, as well as traveling down the border to prayer walk through potential locations for Kristin and me to begin working early next year.

Would you join us in lifting up this time? I believe that God wants to prepare the ground for the harvest that will be coming. Let's join together before His throne in this work.

My supervisor Gayle has put together a schedule for each day and specfic requests. Please check that out here: http://cambodiaborderministry.blogspot.com/2014/07/prayer-walking-team-2014.html.

Also, here are a few things on my heart:

~ Please pray that as we walk and pray, people would see a joy in us that would stand out to them. Pray that this joy would overflow into conversations about the Father.

~ Please pray that we would be equipped to fight the spiritual battle that is being waged in these areas. There have been many strongholds and the Enemy does not want to give up his grip! Pray that we would have spiritual eyes, relying on the strength of the Holy Spirit and daily putting on our spiritual armor.

~ In addition to prayer walking, the team will also be doing a teaching time on marriage and singleness the last few days of the trip. Kristin and I will be sharing a few thoughts on singleness in Khmer. I go back and forth between being so excited to share and discuss this important topic all together, and being utterly terrified/overwhelmed at the thought of having to talk about such deep things for such a long time in my 2nd language. :) But I know The Lord is so faithful, and He will be my help and strength. Please pray for a clear mind and the words I need as we share.

Thank you for praying!

Content in the Uncomfortable

Note: I have just loved hearing from my siblings this summer! Each one has a unique pespective and wisdom to share. Up next, my sister Emily who just got back from spending 2 months in Africa. She is here to share some of the things God taught her through her experiences! If you want to learn about some of her other adventures, you can read back through her blog: http://missionzimzam.blogspot.com. 

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By Emily Hilkemann

Two months ago I stepped off a plane and took my first steps on African soil. This was my first trip to Africa, my first trip out of the U.S. and really, my first time to be so far from home for such a long period of time. I had no idea what to expect. My first bit of culture shock came when we started driving on the left side of the road. The second came when I started noticing all the trash littering the sides of the road. The third came when our host explained how to take a bucket shower. But none of those are a big deal right? I didn’t have to drive, no smell accompanied the trash and I got to take a shower every single day. Merely twinges of discomfort.

As we continued on our trip and ventured further and further away from the city and into the bush these moments of discomfort became a little more common. We were served whole fish of varying sizes as well as goat intestines, liver and kidneys; toilets became simply a hole in the ground; fewer and fewer people could actually speak English. These took a bit more to get used to. But I did. Granted I avoided the fish and goat guts as much as possible, but I started to cherish the walk to the pit latrine while gazing at the moon and the stars and one doesn’t need to speak the same language to play with kids.

To be perfectly honest, during the whole trip I had it pretty easy. No one on our team got all that sick, food was prepared for us at each meal, we often had chocolate, biscuits or even pizza to eat, and we always had a place to sleep at night, even if it was just a mattress on the floor.

One week about halfway through the trip I was really struggling. I was tired and I was having trouble being thankful for anything. But that day during church our team leader said something that I will never forget. He was talking about Romans 12:2 which says not to conform to this world. He said that to conform means to be comfortable. But Jesus told us to take up our cross and follow Him, giving our whole lives as a sacrifice, which doesn’t mean we are going to be living in the lap of luxury. In fact Matthew 5:10-12 (The Message) says, “You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom. Not only that – count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens-give a cheer, even! - forthrough they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.” Now we weren’t being persecuted, rather we were welcomed with open arms wherever we went. No, I was just struggling with being away from the familiar, the comfort of my bed at home and being able to understand the language.

Some times it’s hard to be thankful. But that’s okay. One morning I woke up with this song from my childhood in my heart “Thank you! Oh thank you, my God for what you’ve done. You gave the greatest gift of all. Thank you for your only Son!” If we have nothing else in this world, we at least have the love of Jesus and that is enough. So on this trip I learned to be content in the uncomfortable. After all, as long as I am where God wants me to be, why would I want to be anywhere else?

{Beauty}

I come from the most boring state, according to some people. Interstate 80 stretches straight across from east to west with nothing but endless cornfields and empty plains to keep one company. The entire population of Nebraska is smaller than the city in which I now reside. There are no major tourist attractions, no professional sporting teams, no mountains, and you are about as far away from the ocean in any direction as you can get.

But come with me down the lane of my family farm, past the alfalfa that has just been cut and take a deep breath of its earthy sweet scent, provision for livestock for the winter. See the corn swaying slightly in the breeze, the last light of the day glistening on the leaves bright green, as the colors of a gorgeous sunset all pink and orange are painted across the sky by the Master Designer. You might see boring, but I see beauty.

We sat together on a wooden platform, curious neighbors gathering around in a little village to hear these strange foreigners speak Khmer. "Tell me why I should believe in God", one young man challenged. I breathed a prayer, "Lord, why me? What do I have to say to him?" I shared my story, bits and pieces, mustering as much brave as my little heart could find to speak clearly the words in my second language.

I didn't see her approach to be honest. But all of a sudden she was there, sitting on the bench beside the platform. A smile broke out on her face that bore stories of tragedy, the marks made by an acid attack leaving her mostly blind. In the midst of the mud and the trash of this village in poverty, in the face of all she had been through and the pain and loneliness of rejection, was there beauty here?

She gave me the gift of understanding. While some got frustrated because at times our words sounded different, because I didn't know how to answer his questions the way he wanted, she nodded and affirmed and touched my knee and said, "Let me tell you what God has done for me." Her brave shone forth as she poured out a heart story of God's provision and His love.

We walked down the path, avoiding the puddles from the rain the night before, smiling and greeting the neighbors on the way by. We crawled up into her little house, built with love by the local family of believers. She asked us to pray, for peace in the hard things. You might see the ugly scars of poverty and loneliness and a hard life, but I see beauty.

In the midst of a tough morning of missing home and feeling less-than, beauty came in the form of a little boy who walked to the front of a church full of people and shared his testimony of God's strength for a hard test, the verses he memorized and recited from Proverbs 3:5-6 echoing in my heart long after.

In the midst of the neighbor's angry words out the window, day 35 of constant pounding from the construction in our building, beauty came in the form of Kristin's violin playing, the sweet notes of "How Deep the Father's Love for Us" taking hold as the Father says, "Yes, remember this".

The storms come, the boring and the ugly and the hard and the scary can altogether overshadow us. The Master Creator of the Universe and the Friend who intimately knows our hearts wants to take our hand and walk down the lane, and show us the beauty, the gifts in the midst of it all.

Where do you see beauty today?