Thirsty

It is hot, y'all. Somewhere along the way I was tricked into thinking that following the rainy season there was a slightly cooler start to the dry season. I was looking forward to avoiding the flooded and muddy streets that come from rainy days, while enjoying a cool breeze. But as soon as the daily rains ceased, the heat turned up like someone had thrown a switch and demanded torture for those of us who happen to live in Cambodia.

Having grown accustomed to the rainy season weather, this week I have found myself having to be very careful about getting enough to drink. There is nothing quite like a cool glass of water when we are thirsty, is there? (We also went to a bookstore under the guise of purchasing a folder for school, when really it was just to enjoy the AC for a bit).

I was struck by the image of thirst and water as I was reading in John 7. In verses 37-38 we find, "On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, 'If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him'". John goes on to explain that this living water is the promise of the Holy Spirit.

Just as I have been thirsty lately because of the heat, I have noticed a thirst in spirit as well. I have felt restless and sort of irritable to be honest. Longing for something I couldn't quite put my finger on. It hit me when I read this, deep in my soul is a deeper thirst for Jesus. He doesn't want to quench my thirst with just a trickle but rather an abundant, overflowing stream of living water flowing through and out of my life. Even though I am here on a Kingdom assignment, even if I should know better, I easily slip into the habit of trying to quench my thirst with things that don't satisfy. In this journey of life, especially since arriving in Cambodia, God has been gently (and sometimes not-so-gently when I am slow to listen) pointing out the rocks in my heart- those things that get in the way of this life-giving river flowing out of me. Really they are more like ginormous boulders. Through his Spirit and power and help, the boulders are being revealed and removed. I want this overflowing river, the Holy Spirit filling the thirsty places in my soul.

A Heart at Rest

Rest. It is almost like a bad word today, is it not? We fill our days with work and activities, studying, cooking, cleaning. We have ministry and church meetings, outings with friends and sports activities.

Last Saturday Kristin and I had our first language assessment with a woman who provides an outside perspective on the learning process and helps point out gaps and areas of struggle. A fear of failing is good motivation to spend every moment possible reviewing. I studied flashcards with a program I have on my phone, wrote out answers to as many questions as I could think of that she might possibly ask. I drew pictures to help me remember troublesome words and phrases, and read the dictionary. I felt guilty if I did anything else but study.

The assessment is over and I am grateful. I am still studying, still trying to work hard as we add in learning the Khmer consonants and vowels. Language learning is hard work for me but I press on.

Where does rest fit in to all of this? Isn't working hard and studying as much as possible important? Yes, for sure. The activities that fill our days are normally good ones. But somewhere in the midst of all of this comes the idea of stillness. "Be still and know that I am God", we find in Psalm 46:10. There is something more, something we learn about God when we find Him in the quiet of our lives and hearts.

In his book The Rest of God, Mark Buchanan writes, "Sabbath is both a day and an attitude to nurture stillness. It is both time on a calendar and a disposition of the heart. It is a day we enter, but just as much a way we see. Sabbath imparts the rest of God- actual physical, mental, spiritual rest, but also the rest of God- the things of God's nature and presence we miss in our busyness".

In the midst of the toil and trouble of language learning, my heart is not often still. I want to know more of God, find Him in times of rest. I am still learning what it means to rest in God, both as a day set aside and a state of heart and mind. I look forward to sharing this journey of discovery with you.

How about you? Have you found a way to practice Sabbath both in time and in mindset?

Pumpkin Soup for the Soul

It was just over a year ago that I started counting gifts- finding the ways God shows me His love in big and small ways every day. Almost exactly a year later I finished counting 3,000 gifts! And the list continues!

As I looked back over these daily grace gifts, I was struck by how many of those were food-related. Funny, but I don't think before I ever stopped to realize the uniqueness of different flavors, paused to savor foods that are familiar or tied to certain memories, or pondered how cozy a cup of hot chocolate can be.

Our supervisor was kind enough to bring us some canned pumpkin from Bangkok, and this week we spotted a couple of lone pumpkins in the local market. We have been enjoyed special fall treats this week as we miss the cool, crisp weather in America. As we dined tonight on delicious pumpkin curry soup, compliments of Chef Kristin, along with hearty slices of buttered wheat bread from Sisters' Cafe, I was marveling at how the flavors blended together so pefectly to create this delectable dish. How creative is our God? He could have given us something very bland that met our need for food, and yet He created us with the ability to taste different flavors and enjoy the wide variety of foods that come from His hand. In the same way as He nourishes my body in this special way, He longs to nourish my soul with His goodness and love. Just as now I stop to appreciate the unique blend of different flavors, I want to savor the richness of His Word, give thanks for His kind discipline and see grace in each of His gifts.

How Badly Do You Want This?

My teammate Kristin and I just returned from a trip to western Cambodia to meet with our ministry team and our area field director. Spending 18 hours on a bus there and back is not exactly my favorite activity but God did some pretty awesome things.

We assumed when we got on the bus early Saturday morning that it would take the same route that we were familiar with from our last trip. We knew that Battambang had been hit with flooding but there didn't seem to be any problems. We realized when we got that far, stopping for extra passengers at the main Batttambang bus stop, that we were heading out of town a different way but we didn't think much of it. As the rice fields gave way to breath-taking mountains and valleys we started to realize this was new territory. We looked at each other with wide-eyed wonder. "Are we where I think we are?" A sign up ahead confirmed our thoughts. This was the province we have spent two years praying over, our possible future home. The bus rolled through the main provincial town, and honestly I think we both had goosebumps. Maybe we won't actually end up living there, maybe we will. But it is a special place and I think God has something big in store there!

We spent three days with the team in Sompovloun, reviewing and praying and dreaming about what God wants to do in western Cambodia. We labored over a vision and mission statement that pulled together our various thoughts, heart-burdens and worked across our two languages present- English and Khmer. Now on paper, the words staring up at me, our director asked us, "Okay, how badly do you want this?"

"Are you kidding?" I thought. "If I didn't want this, I wouldn't be here". But the question blazed into my brain and I haven't been able to let it go. How badly do I want to see a movement of disciples making disciples and churches spreading throughout villages of western Cambodia where no one else is going? I have never considered myself a high-maitenence girl but there are some things that are important- clean water (hot is an added bonus), toilet paper, and a place to put my things (really it boils down to privacy). What if I am living in a one-room shanty, without all those things? Am I willing to give up all comforts for this- to see worshipers of Jesus here, to see Kingdom transformation? The exact reasons I told Jesus when I was 7 I would do anything but be a missionary have come full-circle.

I have given my singleness over to the Father before, trusting Him with it. But, let's be honest, how many guys are signing up to go live in a hut in the Cardamom Mountains of Cambodia? Right. Do I trust Jesus enough to lay that before Him again in order to prepare His Cambodian Bride?

My family. Friends back home. Things like chocolate and kettle chips and food other than rice that I can find here in Phnom Penh. My head is saying, "Yes, it is all worth it, giving up all these things". But my heart says, "Wait! What if there is hardship, persecution, what if I get really sick and am no where near a doctor?" My heart is still catching up.

But this is my ultimate vision, the ultimate driving force for whether I live in rural Pierce, Nebraska or rural western Cambodia, the biggest city in Texas or the biggest city in Asia: God glorified by all peoples.

Revelation 7:9 After this I saw a vast crowd, too great to count, from every nation and tribe and people and language, standing in front of the throne and before the Lamb. 

Yes, this is worth it.

The Girls Who Walk and Pray

Kristin and I have been enjoying walks around our neighborhood, wandering down new streets and passing by cafes and stalls that have become very familiar. As our language has increased it has been fun to listen to what people are saying as we walk past. At first many people wondered aloud if we were sisters. Lately, we have heard a lot of people commenting in Khmer, "Their faces are the same. Twins, perhaps?" We even saw one lady call to her family members inside the house, "Come see these foreign twins!" People are starting to recognize us as we walk past.

Lately, I have had an increased burden to pray intentionally as we take our afternoon walk. As we pass by the young men doing street construction, families going to and fro, the brothels and the kids begging, I want them to see the light of Christ shining in me. It is easy to focus on the things my eyes see, but what is eternal is important and God has been opening my eyes to the eternal things as I walk. I am praying two things for Kristin and me as well and I would love you to join me: 1) For increased boldness and releasing fears/anxious thoughts in order to be able to talk and share with the people that we meet. It is easy to give in to the excuse that we don't know enough language or wonder what people will think of us. 2) I am praying that God will open up the home of a Khmer family that is ready to hear the Gospel and grow in discipleship. This could be the way that God starts a movement of obedient disciples in our neighborhood.

Instead of being known as the "foreign twins", I hope that soon people will know us as "The Girls Who Walk and Pray", giving Jesus glory and making Him known.


What do you think? Twins, perhaps? 

D's and T's and Afternoon Prayers

The rain is pouring down and I am sitting at our kitchen table with kindergarten phonics books spread around me. I am attempting to learn the Khmer alphabet, taking advangtage of an extra long holiday weekend with no school. I keep confusing the aspirated t's and the implosive d's, and subscript consonants are a whole different story!  I keep waiting for the moment to come when I hurl these books across the room, go run out into the pouring rain and say, "Really, Lord? You expect me to learn this language?"

But it hasn't come, not today anyway. We went for a long walk this morning, down the street that heads toward the market, past the bubble tea shops and clothing stores, repair shops and vegetable stands. Scores of people are preparing to head back to their home province in celebration of the Buddhist holiday of Pchum Ben. They will take food to the temple in honor of their deceased ancestors, take food and clothing to their elders, celebrate all together. We walked past the familiar places and I heard bits and pieces of their Khmer, a language that 3 months ago sounded like jibberish but now sounds familiar, like a special song that plays over and over in my heart. As we walked, God reminded me that He had called me here to love these people. To pray for them to love and worship Him as the One True God, more powerful than their traditions and fears and deepest longings.

This week as they are especially tuned in to spiritual things, would you pray along with me for God to send them dreams and visions of who He is? Would you pray that the Light would shine through the darkness? Would you pray that this love God has put in my heart for these people would overflow in continued prayers for them and for words to share Truth? And pray that I figure out the Khmer alphabet. :)

Why We Need Jesus

We met a man in the airport in Taipei the other day.

"Are you going to Cambodia for vacation?" he asked us as we waited for our turn to board the plane.

"No, we live there".

"Me too," he said. "But not for much longer. I'm tired of the trash and the corruption and the people".

He is searching for the perfect place, he told us. He has been to over 180 countries, including living in the Middle East for 14 years.  After Cambodia he is going to move to the Philippines and then to Thailand, then to Morocco where he has always wanted to visit. Then maybe Ireland and finally he might settle in South America.

He has learned about different religions in each of the places he has visited. We told him our purpose in Cambodia and he asked if our organization was with a particular church. When we replied it wasn't he explained the conclusion he had come to: "All you need is God. Jesus was just a man anyway, a good man. How could God have a son if He has been around since creation? That would make for a very old Son. I have done enough good in my life and I will go to heaven and sit at the right hand of God, and wave to those who told me I was wrong".

Why do we need Jesus? 

Without Jesus and his death in our place, we must rely on our good works to achieve eternal reward. How do we know when we have done enough good? We can never be good enough in our own strength.

Colossians 1:13-14 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redeption, the forgiveness of sins. 

Our airport friend is going to have a very difficult time, as he has discovered, finding the perfect place to live. He complained about the frustrations of the people where he is living, but the fact of the matter is we live in a broken, dark world. We are born, not with the ability to always do good, but with a nature that leans toward evil. We can try to do good things, strive to be good people but the truth is, we need rescuing.

Colossians 1:15-20 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. 

Jesus is an "old Son", he is the beginning and the end like His Father. His time on earth was not just lived as an ordinary human being, but rather all of the fullness of God was in Him yet He was human just like us.

Colossians 1:21-22 Once you were aliented from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation. 

To my airport friend: All of your striving to be good and help people is great but it will not earn you a spot in heaven. Our imperfect nature separates us from God and it is ONLY through Christ that we can be brought near to God. Jesus opened the door for us to be made holy and live in a right relationship with God, and spend eternity with Him. The restlessness you feel in your heart can only be satisfied in Jesus.

Sibling Blessings

It is a great blessing indeed when two families joined in marriage can be like one great big family. I loved the moments when the Hilkemanns and Tillotsons were together: seeing the brothers joking and laughing together, Matthew and Michael plotting jokes on the newlyweds, our simple but fun wedding party exit, shoulder rubs from Heidi, sister coffee shop time and sharing memories, how most of us were crying during the ceremony and it was okay.

My cousin captured some sweet photos after the reception of the wedding party, showing how we love to have fun together!

Photo credit: Nels Anderson

{The Wedding} Grace Gifts

My heart is full of memories, sweet treasures from the week I was able to spend with my family in Nebraska. My sister became Mrs. Benjamin Tillotson and she was a radiant bride. What an awesome privilege to see the journey God has had Ben and Beth on up to this point and to celebrate with family and friends!

Here are some of the sweet gifts and grace moments from my time at home:

• Shivering and laughing and eating ice cream, all 7 of us
• Walking barefoot outside
• Helping sprinkle wedding chocolates
• How familiar it is to have supper at Grandpa's
• Sisters 6 at Downtown Coffee Company
• A growing crowd around the table
• Laughing all together over Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, the perfect wedding movie
• A family doughnut date
• Planning our epic wedding party exit
• My sister, the most beautiful glowing bride
• Ben's face when he saw Beth for the first time
• Their kiss, their joy
• Watching my brothers say goodbye to Beth
• Cousin Facebook hacking
• Worship in English
• Josh home for supper, and late night game time
• Coffee at the table with Emily
• Matthew understanding hard goodbyes
• Sweet conversation with Mom and Dad on the way to Omaha
• The goodbyes are painful, but Cambodia feels like home too

Lessons from a Prophet

I'm reading Hosea, amazed at the picture of a loving, compassionate God who says of His children in Israel, "I will love them freely..." even though they turn away. Who doesn't stand amazed at the prophet Hosea who modeled a love that restores and forgives and runs after a wife that forsakes him? It is easy to see God in Hosea.

And then there is Gomer. The adulterous wife who takes for granted the love of Hosea, seeking to fill her heart with other things, and I want to say, "Gomer, what are you thinking?"

But Gomer is me. Every time I let worry creep into my heart I am saying, "God, I don't need you. You are not big enough to handle this problem". When I fill the holes with temporary satisfaction rather than lasting joy. When I forsake my First Love by not spending time with Him, using that precious time for insignificant things.

God desires my faithfulness, my whole-hearted devotion. And just as Hosea reconciled with his wife, God wants to open His arms for reconciliation with me too.  He says, "Then I will heal you of your faithlessness, my love will know no bounds for my anger will be gone forever". (Hosea 14:4)