The Expectant Bride

The past few days I have been looking back over the growing list of daily grace gifts that serve as memorial stones, marking the days and moments and ways the Father shows His love. It is easy to forget the little things and even some of the important moments if we don't mark them, write them down or capture them.

Of course one of the big things on my list was the wedding of my sister Beth a few months back. What a beautiful, sweet day filled with precious family and friends and amazing memories. Beth was radiant and eager through the morning for the moment she would get to see her groom. As her personal attendant, it was my duty to make sure she ate some food and drank some water and all of us sisters tried to keep her calm, but really it was no use. She was going to see the one God had prepared for her, the one who captured her heart. She was expectant.

Photo Credit: Sarah Morgan

Is that not our position as we enter into this Advent season too? Tracing the moments, the way the Father prepared the way and the family tree and the very time and place that the Son would enter the world. Excited, anticipating, longing for the One who has captured our hearts. Advent is the celebration of expectation, looking forward with joy and remembering the gift of salvation that came in the most humble of circumstances. This is also mirrored in our expectation of the second coming, when Jesus will reign triumphant and very knee will bow before Him.

Photo Credit: Nels Anderson

Christmas looks nothing here like it does in Nebraska, but in my heart I want to look expectantly for how the glory of Christ will be displayed around me, as I celebrate His coming and tell this story to those who need to hear it.

Life in the Toamada

Toamada: the ordinary, every day, routine

For the last four months we have had something pretty big each month to look forward to. August was our trip to Sompovloun for VBS, which included getting to see my brother who came with the US team. September of course was the wedding, and a whirlwind two weeks going home. In October and November we had trips to opposite ends of the country, expanding our vision and heart for Cambodia and allowing us a peek into what our work might look like. All of these experiences, though tiring at times, have been rich and full of lessons learned and sweet reunions and God's faithful hand at work.

Now we are back in the routine of ordinary life. Studying on our own, going to class at our two language schools, going to the market for fresh fruits and veggies. Seeing people along the way we had never met 6 months ago who are now part of our daily lives here.

Sometimes, there is comfort in the familiar, and other times it is easy to speed ahead to whatever that next big thing is, longing for excitement or at least a change of pace.

Every day is a gift from our Father. Psalm 118:24 says, "This is the day The Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it". Yes, this day, though it is hot, and the letters I have been studying for the last four weeks are suddenly a jumble in my head. This day, when it is much like yesterday and the day before. This day, in the routine ride in our uncle's tuk-tuk, the teasing and laughter with our teachers, the familiar sellers in the market, and walk around our neighborhood. There are gifts in the toamada too, little treasures from the Father if I open my eyes to see them. Every day I can stop to praise, let the glory of God leak in to the routine corners of my day and marvel at His goodness. I can say every single day that this is most certainly a day The Lord has made, and I can rejoice in all that day brings.

One of today's gifts: hazelnut latte and apple turnover to celebrate 6 months in Cambodia! 

{Rattanakiri Province} The Power of our God

Psalm 68:20, 33-35 Our God is a God who saves! The Sovereign Lord rescues us from death. Sing to the One who rides across the ancient heavens, his mighty voice thundering from the sky. Tell everyone about God's power. His majesty shines down on Israel; his strength is mighty in the heavens. God is awesome in his sanctuary. The God of Israel gives power and strength to his people.

While we were in Rattanakiri we had the opportunity to hear some amazing accounts of God's power on display, at work in the hearts and lives of people in this province. He is showing Himself to be more powerful than any ancestral spirit or demon, able to heal hearts and physical ailments and give peace, freedom and joy. How beautiful! I want to share a few of these stories with you.

On Thursday our group had planned to visit the prison where the believers have been doing outreach several days a week. They have seen over a hundred people turn to Jesus and a number of "cell" churches started. Because of an escape a few days before our arrival, however, our visit wasn't able to happen. Instead, we hopped in a car and on motos and drove to the top of a high hill overlooking the prison on one side and offering a breathtaking view on the other side of the valley and mountains in the distance.

After the noises of the city that are constantly in the background here in Phnom Penh, the quiet of the hike was beautiful. The view was stunning and we paused together as a group to pray and praise our Heavenly Father. While we got to see so many amazing things, the Enemy is pushing back in this area! But God is more powerful and He is preserving His name and witness among the people groups represented in Rattanakiri.

On the way up the mountain we stopped at a large statue of Buddha. Many people used to come to this shrine to offer their prayers and incense. Several young people from the church in the area began to prayer walk around the shrine. One night, one of them had a dream where they saw the spirit come out of the statue and leave. After that, people remarked that their prayers didn't seem to be answered any longer and the shrine no longer had any power. Gradually, fewer and fewer people have been coming to pray there.

Each clan has certain foods that are taboo or certain practices that are prohibited, based on a spirit encounter from past generations. For example, we heard one story of an ancestral grandmother who went looking for her husband. She got lost in the process and stopped beneath a tree to rest. In a dream, a wild chicken came to her and said that he would help her if her family would worship the spirit of the wild chicken. When she woke up from her dream, a wild chicken was in the tree above her and the spirit guided her back home. From that time on in this family, no one was allowed to eat wild chicken in order to appease the spirits.

Freedom from the work of keeping the spirits happy and the ultimate power of God has been crucial in the faith journey of many in this animistic culture. There is no middle ground as people shift their allegiance from appeasement and worship of spirits to wholehearted devotion to Jesus Christ. This has also been a powerful witness to extended family and friends. As they see the believers eating foods formally prohibited without suffering evil consequences, and seeking healing through God rather than offering sacrifices, many have put their trust in God also.

Many of the people in this area have not had the chance to learn to read and write in their language. We heard several stories of people who became believers and had a strong desire to learn to read and write. They prayed fervently and God miraculously provided the ability to read His Word. God is not only powerful but compassionate in the way that He works in our lives!

Photo Credit: Kristin Tillotson

{Rattanakiri Province} Freedom to Fail (Humanly Speaking)

I have read the books, sat in multiple training events. I have heard stories, told those stories. I have defended church planting movement principles and believe that we are all called to make disciples, all called to be obedient and to teach others to obey Jesus too. I picked up life and packed my bags to move to a new country, new culture and learn a new language because I knew this was what God wanted me to do. The vision of worshipers of Jesus spreading throughout all of western Cambodia and all of Southeast Asia has captured my heart.

But honestly? I am not good at learning language. I am slow at getting to know people. I confess I all too often give in to fear instead of stepping out in courage. I have let it all be about me, my own strength or lack of it. When I make my list of "what ifs", I wonder, "What if I go home and haven't started a movement? What if I go home as a failed missionary?" I could never be the pioneer who blazes into unknown territory, walks up to the person of peace, immediately begins a discovery Bible study and sees the birth of a church, all the while praying and seeing people healed of disease and casting out demons. I could never be the textbook church planting catalyzer, and am amazed by those who are.

So, we went to Rattanakiri to meet with two missionaries who are seeing churches planting churches to the 3rd generation and almost to the 4th. People across the province are hearing about Jesus and following after Him.

I got to meet leaders from these churches and visit some of their meetings. I got to hear stories from the missionaries who are investing their lives for these people. And you know what? They are some of the sweetest, most humble and fun people I have met. They are not "superstar church planters" but are seeking to be intentional and obedient. They freely admit that sometimes they have felt like they are stumbling in the dark, that there are things they would do differently. Some churches haven't made it, some aren't making disciples yet, others have had interesting issues of internal division. None of what I saw was the perfect, textbook case. And yet, God is moving in a powerful, amazing way. He is healing and giving release from spiritual oppression. He is overcoming all odds to be worshiped in this area. He is using the missionaries and giving them favor with people in high places. Yes, it is messy. But the thing is, thankfully, it is all about God. He is the one who is making things happen and He is the one who will receive all the honor.

It was so freeing for me, to be honest. I do not have to be "textbook perfect" like I have let myself think. Perhaps God will use Kristin and me to be part of something like He is using the missionaries in Rattanakiri and I hope He will. I want to do my part in continuing to press close to Him, recognizing my weaknesses and not leaning on my own strength. I want to learn more about what it means to be obedient and make disciples in a Cambodian context but not wait until I have everything figured out and can follow some method or formula. I am thankful that I serve a God who is bigger than that and can use even me to accomplish His purposes.

Twin obeyers on a village visit, excited for what God will do

(Thanks to our new friend Joy for taking the picture!)

{Rattanakiri Province} Day 1 Adventures

Kristin and I just returned from a sweet time with our regional team in Rattanakiri province, in the northeast where Cambodia meets Laos and Vietnam. My heart is full of all that we got to see and experience there and I hope to share some stories with you so you can be part of what God is doing! Would you join me for this journey of processing and marveling at God's goodness? To get rolling, check out day one.

Tuesday, November 12th
2:30 a.m. My phone alarm sounds and I roll out of bed. I am not so excited about the hour, but ready to see what this day holds! This is my first trip to the other side of Cambodia, having made the western journey a number of times now.

3:30 a.m. With coffee mugs in hand, Kristin and I walk the silent streets to a nearby guesthouse to meet a few more from our team. There are not many out at this hour except a few diehard exercisers starting off their day, and a lonely moto or two.

4:00 a.m. Our van is a bit late but eventually we gather the rest of our team and 10 excited travelers head out of town. The dark eventually gives way to light illuminating the beauty of the countryside.

9 hours squished together in a van is good for team unity! As we make our way up to Rattanakiri, we tell stories and give thanks together, laugh over silly things, enjoy the changing scenery, endure the bumping and jolting of interesting roads and a few engage in a rousing game of iPad Scrabble.

1:00 p.m. We roll into the main provincial town and Kristin and I are surprised at how beautiful and clean the town is compared to Phnom Penh. We stop at a local restaurant for some yummy Khmer food (Ginger Pork is my all-time favorite!).

We are all staying at the home of our partners in Rattanakiri who uses her lovely home as a guesthouse. She is blessed with the gift of hospitality and so not only is it a blessing to stay with her but the income also helps her in the ministry expenses.

2:30 p.m. We explore the house, take in the amazing view and get settled in. After living the city life for the past 5 months, the house on the outskirts of town in a quiet area with breathtaking views of rolling hills and villages is a refreshing treat.

The girls gather to help prepare the evening meal. Everything is done by hand without mixes and many modern conveniences, so we chip in to chop veggies, cut up chicken, and get things ready for our American/Korean/Thai meal complete with fried chicken and mashed potato casserole, sushi and Thai soup. While we worked, it was fun to chat all together in a variety of languages. Two of our team members' Cambodian partners were able to be part of our time so it was great to practice talking in Khmer. Several from our leadership team are working and living in Thailand. A girl from Korea is visiting with the missionary to learn more about the work there so it was a blessing to get to know her as well.

6:30 p.m. After a delicious meal and sweet time eating together, Kristin, our supervisor Gayle, our Cambodian partner Sophan and I head out with one of the other local workers to attend a special prayer meeting in one of the villages.

A bit of background: in this part of Cambodia there are several minority groups represented. Their culture and language are different from the Khmer people, and most of these groups are animist. The group we got to meet with Tuesday night are one of these minority groups, and they are a third generation church that is about 1 year old. This means the first church started a church (2nd generation) which started a church (3rd generation), and this church is active in starting a new group of disciples (4th generation).

7:00 p.m. We arrive at the house as the group of 35-40 believers are singing all together. As we climbed up the stairs to the one room house, lit by a lamp run by battery power and a few flashlights, I was overwhelmed with the beauty of this group of believers worshiping Jesus together. Whole families were there together, husbands and wives and children of various ages. They sang several songs, then gathered around the sick man to pray. One man led out by sharing about our powerful God and the healing that is found in Jesus alone. Together they joined their voices to pray for this man. Young and old prayed fervently in their own minority language, hands lifted in worship to our God the Healer. They sang several more songs and then joined in prayer again. Why pray just once? The group wanted to share several of the songs they have written in their language following the traditional melody. It was so beautiful! Again they joined together in prayer for the sick man. It was obvious that although he had been sick for quite awhile, his spirit was lifted as God ministered to him through the prayer time.

9:30 p.m. We crawled into our mosquito net haven for some rest after a long and full day.

This was my first introduction to what God is doing in Rattanakiri. A movement has been birthed there of disciples making disciples, churches planting churches. God is revealing Himself through dreams and miraculous healing, release from the power of spirits and total transformation. More stories to come!

A Hard Thanksgiving

The month of November marks the celebration of the American holiday of Thanksgiving. It is my ALL-TIME favorite holiday. Why, you might wonder? Thanksgiving means everyone is home. The cousins out west, cousins home from college, all my siblings together. Thanksgiving means endless rounds of SPOONS, trying a fun new game at Uncle Paul and Aunt Vicki's. It means turkey and stuffing, my mom's amazing peach pies, laughter and memories and farm talk and shared gratitude.

Thanksgiving is easy when times are good. I can look back and count gifts when God provided, when joy spilled over and my cup was full.

But what about the hard things? When people die and friends hurt us, when days are hot and long and we struggle to put one foot in front of the other.

Praise in the tough times is hard. Hebrews 13:15 says, "Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise- the fruit of lips that confess his name". Sacrifice is hard, it means a surrender, a putting of something on the alter, it is messy. But God is most worthy of our praise whether times are good for us or not.

Many people are listing all the things they are grateful for in this Thanksgiving season. Today as I thought about my sacrifice of praise, I was remembering some of the hard things.
- Watching my grandpa die of Alzheimer's
- Two grandmas who died of cancer
- Coming back to college after a summer overseas and re-entry shock that lasted a full two months
- A youth pastor who lied to us and left a lot of hurt in his wake

It is not easy to surrender the hurt, the ache of these hard times. But here I share with you my sacrifice of praise.

1. I am thankful for the legacy of my grandparents. Although they are not here on earth any more, I am thankful for the chance to know and love them. I am constantly reminded of this when friends in Cambodia share that they never got to meet their grandparents.

2. I am thankful that God told me to go home in July 2010 so I could hug my grandma Anderson one last time and hear her say, "I love you".

3. I am thankful for the few precious memories I have of my grandma Hilkemann- how over a pile of macaroni and cheese she taught me to start at the edges and work my way in to avoid a burnt tongue from the hot middle. How we made homemade pizza and enjoyed it together. Putting stickers on her cane to cheer her up, not realizing it was the last time I would get to see her alive.

4. I am thankful that in the hard season my junior year, my friends did not give up on me (although they perhaps wanted to). I am thankful for relationships that deepened, listening ears, doors left open, tears that finally came.

5. I am thankful for lessons in forgiveness and letting go.

6. I am thankful for restored relationships, parents who stepped in to fill the gap in our youth group, a new season for our church.

7. I am so thankful for God's grace. When I respond to situations negatively, when I make mistakes and come running to Him, He is quick to forgive. He is constant when my emotions are unsteady and shows His love in a million different ways. Even in the pain, I can see His hand at work. He is good.

Thirsty

It is hot, y'all. Somewhere along the way I was tricked into thinking that following the rainy season there was a slightly cooler start to the dry season. I was looking forward to avoiding the flooded and muddy streets that come from rainy days, while enjoying a cool breeze. But as soon as the daily rains ceased, the heat turned up like someone had thrown a switch and demanded torture for those of us who happen to live in Cambodia.

Having grown accustomed to the rainy season weather, this week I have found myself having to be very careful about getting enough to drink. There is nothing quite like a cool glass of water when we are thirsty, is there? (We also went to a bookstore under the guise of purchasing a folder for school, when really it was just to enjoy the AC for a bit).

I was struck by the image of thirst and water as I was reading in John 7. In verses 37-38 we find, "On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, 'If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him'". John goes on to explain that this living water is the promise of the Holy Spirit.

Just as I have been thirsty lately because of the heat, I have noticed a thirst in spirit as well. I have felt restless and sort of irritable to be honest. Longing for something I couldn't quite put my finger on. It hit me when I read this, deep in my soul is a deeper thirst for Jesus. He doesn't want to quench my thirst with just a trickle but rather an abundant, overflowing stream of living water flowing through and out of my life. Even though I am here on a Kingdom assignment, even if I should know better, I easily slip into the habit of trying to quench my thirst with things that don't satisfy. In this journey of life, especially since arriving in Cambodia, God has been gently (and sometimes not-so-gently when I am slow to listen) pointing out the rocks in my heart- those things that get in the way of this life-giving river flowing out of me. Really they are more like ginormous boulders. Through his Spirit and power and help, the boulders are being revealed and removed. I want this overflowing river, the Holy Spirit filling the thirsty places in my soul.

A Heart at Rest

Rest. It is almost like a bad word today, is it not? We fill our days with work and activities, studying, cooking, cleaning. We have ministry and church meetings, outings with friends and sports activities.

Last Saturday Kristin and I had our first language assessment with a woman who provides an outside perspective on the learning process and helps point out gaps and areas of struggle. A fear of failing is good motivation to spend every moment possible reviewing. I studied flashcards with a program I have on my phone, wrote out answers to as many questions as I could think of that she might possibly ask. I drew pictures to help me remember troublesome words and phrases, and read the dictionary. I felt guilty if I did anything else but study.

The assessment is over and I am grateful. I am still studying, still trying to work hard as we add in learning the Khmer consonants and vowels. Language learning is hard work for me but I press on.

Where does rest fit in to all of this? Isn't working hard and studying as much as possible important? Yes, for sure. The activities that fill our days are normally good ones. But somewhere in the midst of all of this comes the idea of stillness. "Be still and know that I am God", we find in Psalm 46:10. There is something more, something we learn about God when we find Him in the quiet of our lives and hearts.

In his book The Rest of God, Mark Buchanan writes, "Sabbath is both a day and an attitude to nurture stillness. It is both time on a calendar and a disposition of the heart. It is a day we enter, but just as much a way we see. Sabbath imparts the rest of God- actual physical, mental, spiritual rest, but also the rest of God- the things of God's nature and presence we miss in our busyness".

In the midst of the toil and trouble of language learning, my heart is not often still. I want to know more of God, find Him in times of rest. I am still learning what it means to rest in God, both as a day set aside and a state of heart and mind. I look forward to sharing this journey of discovery with you.

How about you? Have you found a way to practice Sabbath both in time and in mindset?

Pumpkin Soup for the Soul

It was just over a year ago that I started counting gifts- finding the ways God shows me His love in big and small ways every day. Almost exactly a year later I finished counting 3,000 gifts! And the list continues!

As I looked back over these daily grace gifts, I was struck by how many of those were food-related. Funny, but I don't think before I ever stopped to realize the uniqueness of different flavors, paused to savor foods that are familiar or tied to certain memories, or pondered how cozy a cup of hot chocolate can be.

Our supervisor was kind enough to bring us some canned pumpkin from Bangkok, and this week we spotted a couple of lone pumpkins in the local market. We have been enjoyed special fall treats this week as we miss the cool, crisp weather in America. As we dined tonight on delicious pumpkin curry soup, compliments of Chef Kristin, along with hearty slices of buttered wheat bread from Sisters' Cafe, I was marveling at how the flavors blended together so pefectly to create this delectable dish. How creative is our God? He could have given us something very bland that met our need for food, and yet He created us with the ability to taste different flavors and enjoy the wide variety of foods that come from His hand. In the same way as He nourishes my body in this special way, He longs to nourish my soul with His goodness and love. Just as now I stop to appreciate the unique blend of different flavors, I want to savor the richness of His Word, give thanks for His kind discipline and see grace in each of His gifts.

How Badly Do You Want This?

My teammate Kristin and I just returned from a trip to western Cambodia to meet with our ministry team and our area field director. Spending 18 hours on a bus there and back is not exactly my favorite activity but God did some pretty awesome things.

We assumed when we got on the bus early Saturday morning that it would take the same route that we were familiar with from our last trip. We knew that Battambang had been hit with flooding but there didn't seem to be any problems. We realized when we got that far, stopping for extra passengers at the main Batttambang bus stop, that we were heading out of town a different way but we didn't think much of it. As the rice fields gave way to breath-taking mountains and valleys we started to realize this was new territory. We looked at each other with wide-eyed wonder. "Are we where I think we are?" A sign up ahead confirmed our thoughts. This was the province we have spent two years praying over, our possible future home. The bus rolled through the main provincial town, and honestly I think we both had goosebumps. Maybe we won't actually end up living there, maybe we will. But it is a special place and I think God has something big in store there!

We spent three days with the team in Sompovloun, reviewing and praying and dreaming about what God wants to do in western Cambodia. We labored over a vision and mission statement that pulled together our various thoughts, heart-burdens and worked across our two languages present- English and Khmer. Now on paper, the words staring up at me, our director asked us, "Okay, how badly do you want this?"

"Are you kidding?" I thought. "If I didn't want this, I wouldn't be here". But the question blazed into my brain and I haven't been able to let it go. How badly do I want to see a movement of disciples making disciples and churches spreading throughout villages of western Cambodia where no one else is going? I have never considered myself a high-maitenence girl but there are some things that are important- clean water (hot is an added bonus), toilet paper, and a place to put my things (really it boils down to privacy). What if I am living in a one-room shanty, without all those things? Am I willing to give up all comforts for this- to see worshipers of Jesus here, to see Kingdom transformation? The exact reasons I told Jesus when I was 7 I would do anything but be a missionary have come full-circle.

I have given my singleness over to the Father before, trusting Him with it. But, let's be honest, how many guys are signing up to go live in a hut in the Cardamom Mountains of Cambodia? Right. Do I trust Jesus enough to lay that before Him again in order to prepare His Cambodian Bride?

My family. Friends back home. Things like chocolate and kettle chips and food other than rice that I can find here in Phnom Penh. My head is saying, "Yes, it is all worth it, giving up all these things". But my heart says, "Wait! What if there is hardship, persecution, what if I get really sick and am no where near a doctor?" My heart is still catching up.

But this is my ultimate vision, the ultimate driving force for whether I live in rural Pierce, Nebraska or rural western Cambodia, the biggest city in Texas or the biggest city in Asia: God glorified by all peoples.

Revelation 7:9 After this I saw a vast crowd, too great to count, from every nation and tribe and people and language, standing in front of the throne and before the Lamb. 

Yes, this is worth it.