Happy Anniversary, Cambodia!

(The joy of tile is that your whole house can be a whiteboard!)

Kristin and I have set up a little monument of sorts in our living room. You know, the Joshua 4 kind that testifies to God's power and goodness, but slightly less permanent than the 12 stones. Our own reflection scribbled with markers on our tile wall has come about because of the one-year anniversary of our arrival in Cambodia. Exactly one year ago, we stepped out of the air conditioned airport into the heat and humidity, piled in a tuk-tuk with all our worldly possessions, and began a journey of trusting in God through these last 12 months.

We have been remembering all of the firsts- when we started language school and all we could say was "Hello, how are you, sister?" Our teacher made us practice right away with the other teachers and people on the street, and I laugh now imagining how terrible it must have sounded. We could barely tell our tuk-tuk driver where we wanted to go, but I guess we managed because we always ended up in the right spot. The "honeymood" period wore off and we discovered how exhausting operating in a second language can be and the importance of Sabbath out of necessity. It seems every time I was ready to give up, or I wondered how in the world I was going to make it, God knew and He met me there. He provided encouragement, always. Perhaps it was in the form of a bookshelf, something so simple, but I remember the joy of bringing that home and filling it up. It was sometimes in an especially strong thunderstorm, the monsoon rain pouring down and thunder so loud it shook the house and reminded me of God's power. Most often, it was in the form of our sweet friends, the people that cheered us on, pushed us because they knew we could do it, celebrated our birthdays with us, showed much grace when we didn't understand and explained something over and over. I have learned from their own walks with The Lord, loved studying His Word in their heart language.

While I have not enjoyed several bouts with parasites, the constant battle with critters in a our apartment, and a few other frustrations that come with life in this country, I wouldn't trade it for what I have seen God do, the ways He is working in the hearts of the Khmer people and in my own heart. I know that His purpose remains through it all, and He is the reason that we celebrate making it to this one year mark.

More than Gelato

The summer before my senior year of college I spent 2 months in Italy working with missionaries. You can't go wrong with trying a new flavor of gelato every day, right? Or swimming in the crystal clear blue waters of the Mediterranean, dining on fresh pasta, and wandering up and down cobblestone streets.

Aside from discovering that vanilla and chocolate gelato laced with ribbons of Nutella is a piece of heaven on earth, I learned a lot of other things that summer too. While working at an Italian Christian preschool, it was assumed that I knew the language and had teaching experience to keep hot-tempered 3 and 4 year olds under control. Neither of these was true, and I had to learn to rely on the Holy Spirit in a whole new way. While a few years of high school and college Spanish did prove to be helpful, there were times that I understood and was able to communicate when I should not have been able to. Sometimes I was completely overwhelmed with the task of keeping the kids in line, especially when the other teachers all disappeared at lunch time and it was up to me to keep the peace. But God always sent help when I needed it- whether it was a little 6-year old girl who stood up for me and believed in my abilities when I wasn't so sure, or words in a language not my own that spilled out, later realizing that I had communicated far beyond my ability. I learned too that I loved being a hostess, when almost at the end of my time there a short-term team came from the US and I was the "old hand" by that time. I learned that missionaries are not perfect (a lesson I have needed in my current season of life), rather they are just people that desire to serve God but deal with all of the hard and crazy and beautiful that is this life. My two months in Italy were far more difficult than I could have imagined, but I loved discovering God's strength in my weakness and His goodness to me in the tough times.

A Constant Thread

That very first flight I was terribly frightened. It showed on my face as I handed my passport to the security officer, the airport quiet at 4:00 a.m. "Don't worry!" he told me as I went through the scanner and gathered my things.

I was 20 years old, flying for the very first time from Omaha, Nebraska all the way to Quito, Ecuador with a group of summer study-abroad students from my college. My professor had spent the last two days walking us through what we would need to know about the culture of Ecuador, what our days would look like and what assignments would be required of us. But no one really thinks to tell you how to go through a security line, how to find your seat on a plane, things most people know how to do but this farm girl was experiencing for the first time.

There were lots of 'firsts' on that maiden voyage out of the US, living with a host family, studying another language for four weeks. I learned to enjoy cheese in my hot chocolate and popcorn in my soup, how to slow down and enjoy relationships and not worry so much about a schedule, how to barter in the market and get the best deal. Everything was new and exciting, and I returned to America seeing only the good in Ecuador and frustrated with all of the negative I saw in my own culture.

Several (many) flights and security lines later, having traveled to and lived in other places, my perspective is a bit different. I have learned that there is beauty in all cultures, and I love discovering this. But it is not all good. There are things that must be redeemed through the Father, in the culture I am currently in and in the one I still call my home culture. I am discovering this in my role too. Sometimes I marvel at what the Father allows me to see and experience and other times I wish I could be in a place where I can communicate clearly and my head doesn't hurt because of constantly operating in a language that is not my first. There is a beauty and pain in this season, as in other seasons. But my God is the constant, teaching and guiding.

I returned from Ecuador much more confident, navigating security lines, even a baggage search and immigration lines with ease. Until I got to the customs officer at our first stop in America. He checked out my passport, glanced at me again, and then began to speak to me in German. I was caught quite off guard, and having operated in Spanish for the last month I responded to him in Spanish that I had no idea what he was saying to me. He pointed to my passport and said, "With such a German last name, you don't speak German?" We both laughed and had a lovely conversation. There is always something new to learn, always a reminder that I cannot lean on my strength.

Poured Out

I have taken a little break from my journey through the Old Testament to spend some time in the book of John. This morning I read from chapter 12 when Jesus comes to Bethany to visit with Mary, Martha and Lazarus. Mary took a bottle of pure nard, which was an expensive perfume and poured it out over Jesus' feet. She wiped Jesus' feet with her hair, and the house was filled with the beautiful fragrance.

Judas was concerned about the monetary value of the perfume. Mary did give a very expensive gift to Jesus- but was it just about the perfume? Mary came to Jesus without abandon. She knelt at his feet and used her hair to clean them. She didn't seem to care what others thought, and it seems to me that she displayed the deep affection in her heart through this act.

I have been thinking about my own heart. For as long as I can remember, I have kept up strong walls around my heart, allowing very few people to really know me. It is hard for me to get close to people because I fear them leaving, fear disappointing them or having to say goodbye. It was not until I went through training last year that I expressed this to someone, who asked how this played out in my relationship with God. It was the first time I had thought about it, and in different ways I realized I had held God at arm's length too.

What does it mean to pour out our affection like Mary, to love God without abandon or without strings attached? Last Friday as part of my birthday celebration we went to a special prayer time at the House of Prayer. As the woman who leads it was singing and drawing us into worship, I got a picture of a girl dancing freely in a beautiful meadow. No shame, no holding anything back, but showing pure adoration and love. What would it mean to love The Lord that way? Jesus is teaching me, slowly what it means in my life to give Him my heart, to tear down the walls, to pour everything out at His feet.

The Greatest Adventure Yet

"So," my sister said with a wide grin, "do they really have cute maternity clothes in Cambodia? What about baby clothes?" Laughter spilled over, as we shouted, "Yes!" With a new little baby on the way, my status is getting an upgrade: to aunt!

I can't tell you how much joy is overflowing from my heart and I haven't even met the little peanut yet (and that is currently about how big he is). I love this little one already and can't wait to see him or her grow in grace, to see my sister and brother-in-law as parents. They are going to be amazing!

I love thinking of the rest of my siblings as uncles and an aunt too. They will love on that little kid, spoil him or her with kisses and cuddles and read all of the wonderful books our parents read to us as kids. My brothers will make sure their niece or nephew can throw a baseball and catch a football, before the age of 6 months. And of course, this child will be the cutest and smartest ever! :)

While I'm sure it is NOTHING like being a parent, I feel an awed sense of responsibility to this little one also. I want to be a role model, someone that they can look up to. And considering the fact that most likely this niece or nephew will be joining us in Asia (along with her mom and dad), I will be the family member living on the same side of the world. To teach this child about what it means to be part Hilkemann, to be constant in a world of many changes, to model (hopefully) what it means to love Jesus and make sacrifices and love the people around me.

So I am celebrating new life in this week after Easter and the brand new role that God has given me. :D

{Before the Throne} Day 5

Thursday, April 17

So much of our time in the west is spent in the written word. This is how we learn and consume information. This is also how we learn about who God is and His love for us.

Many people in Cambodia don't know how to read and write. Recently one woman heard a story of Jesus from God's Word, and practiced telling it to another person in the group. When challenged to take the story and share with others she was so excited. Because she didn't know how to read, she often felt that she couldn't be part of talking about Jesus. "God wants to use me!" she was thrilled to discover.

Pray for God's Word to transform the lives of people throughout Cambodia. Pray that people would be willing to learn stories and express God's love and truth orally. Pray for us too as we enter a season really focused on learning Bible stories in Khmer so that we can pass these on.

{Before the Throne} Day 4

Today is the last day of the new year holiday. Many people will visit friends and enjoy playing traditional games at the temple. Those who hold to tradition will also wash the statues of Buddha at the wat, and then ceremonially bathe their parents and elders as a sign of respect and to ask for favor and health for the coming year. Some will head back home to start work, others will continue celebrating through the week or go to visit the beach. 

Today please pray for God's light to shine in the dark and broken places in Cambodia. Even just the last few days I have come face to face with trafficking and prostitution. There are many NGOs who focus on this issue but they are lacking unity. Pray that there would be shared resources, healthy strategies for helping, and an end to the horrible practices that enslave so many here, for God's glory. 

Day 2 Part 2

Here is the offering table set up by the family running the guesthouse we are staying at during Khmer New Year. 

{Before the Throne} Day 3

Tuesday, April 15

For this second day of the new year celebration, children and grandchildren will take gifts of money, cake and new clothing to their parents and grandparents or aunts and uncles to show respect and ask for their blessing for the coming year. They will also have a ceremony to pass along favor and merit to ancestors that have passed away.

Today, pray for a fresh spirit of revival to blow through the Cambodian church. Pray that believers would be bold and loving in the ways that they seek to obey Jesus and reach out joyfully to the people around them. Pray for unity and a desire to see each province reached with the Gospel.

{Before the Throne} Day 2

Monday, April 14

Today is offically the first day of the holiday! Families are organizing special tables in front of their homes with offerings for the angel that will look after Cambodia in the coming year. They will put candles and incense, fruit, flowers in vases and water in bowls on this table. The family will gather around to ask for favor and good health in the coming year. Many people will also take food and drinks as gifts to the monks at the temple.

Please pray for the family unit in Cambodia! Pray for healing from destructive generational patterns, godly examples of a loving and respectful husband and wife relationship, and that whole families could be introduced to Jesus together. Pray for healthy ways to meet the needs of families and share Christ's love with them.

Photo Credit: Kristin Tillotson (at least from her camera)