Sword at the Ready

He was an honest-to-goodness knight, clad from head to foot in steel armor still shiny. He knew the reality of the battle but had not yet been in the thick of it, his feet quaking but his heart swelling with courage. The darkness was thick around him, pressing in like a heavy blanket until he thought it would smother him, the sound of the enemy coming closer, the echoes of battle all around him. But his sword was at the ready, and as he lifted it to fight, it pierced the darkness like a bolt of lightning. It sliced through the darkness, pushing back the enemy as the knight and his fellow warriors defended the honor of their king.

It was Wednesday, the day we gather to praise and to pray over this country that holds my heart. We are in the midst of the darkness, the darkest time of the year, a seasoned friend said. It is the beginning of the two-week celebration of Pjom Bun, a holiday that commemorates the ancestral spirits. The Enemy is on the loose as he prowls and masquerades, deceiving and holding captive. People go to the Buddhist temple to give food to monks in honor of their deceased relatives, hoping to keep the spirits happy, hoping to gain merit, to lesson the eternal punishment of these family members. As we prayed, the lies and deceit of the Enemy felt like an impossibly heavy burden, the darkness felt almost tangible. But, we pressed in, praying and worshipping. We declared the Lordship of Jesus, we declared His name and His glory and as we did it felt like a sword piercing the darkness. While the Enemy is having a hayday, it is our King that is victorious. It is ultimately His truth that will prevail. His bride is waiting here in Cambodia. They are not yet complete, not quite ready, there are so many more that need to hear and turn to the only One who can fill their hearts with everlasting hope. But one day this Cambodian bride will gather around the throne of God to worship, joining with brothers and sisters from every other tribe and nation. The task is still upon us. So, like the brave knight, we must put on our armor, whether battle-scarred or still a bit shiny, and take up our sword, the Light that pieces the darkness.

I am most definitely not an artist, but this was my best attempt to depict the sword-wielding, light-piercing-the-darkness-knight vision The Lord gave me during our prayer time. :) 

{Border} A Change of Heart

We were asking God to show us the best place for Kristin and me to live, to base out of as we engage families in discipleship. I was pretty sure I knew where it was going to be, I fully expected God to confirm our plans.

We stopped in two border towns on our way to our final destination, Pailin. We have been praying for over two years for this place, the area we planned to make our new home. We wouldn't just focus on the town itself but reach out to surrounding villages, working our way north toward our partners in Sompovloun. We got to meet a lot of people in the two little towns but I really didn't think about them too much more than as a dusty "pass-through" to our final destination.

I fell in love with Pailin right away. What's not to love about views of mountains and valleys right out your window? I felt comfortable walking the streets, I got excited seeing a place for rent. But, as we started exploring we came across several already-thriving churches, started to meet a few believers. It seemed a good work was already going there.

My group climbed a hill behind the temple, and I felt a peace I normally don't feel when praying around Buddhist statues and temples. It was evident that God was showing His power. As we looked out over the valley in all directions, I was tempted to claim that land, to say boldly, "This is the land you are giving us, Lord, where there will soon be many worshipers of You". But, something held me back. Even then God was starting to release the strings holding tightly to my own plan. Instead, my young Khmer friend and I proclaimed praises to The Lord, asking for His blessing over the area.

Others were starting to feel like perhaps God had a different plan for us. God is at work in Pailin, that is for sure. But were we were to be a part of it?

I fought it, trying to hold on to my own desires. But, as we made our way back to Sompovloun after our two days of praying, I was asking for God's peace. He reminded me of something I used to hear the president of our organization say when I worked in the home office: "Don't ask 'What can I do?' but ask 'What needs to be done?'" The truth is that there are thriving believers in Pailin who desire to make disciples and are doing so. As we stopped for breakfast in one of the "pass-through" towns I had earlier dismissed, the weight of the darkness reminded me of the urgency of going to the places where others are not going. Instead of thinking about my own plan and comforts, I asked myself, "What needs to be done?" God changed my heart, opening my eyes to new possibilities. We are continuing to seek Him and I am giving Him my own plans and desires so that He can fill me with the joy of His will.

Brother Gifts

When we put a new spigot on our water filter a couple of months ago, we had to be really careful or the cup would overflow because the water came out so much faster. My heart sort of feels like that overflowing cup right now, full of memories and blessings and such sweet moments from the last two weeks with my brother Matthew and Kristin's brother Michael. Here are a few of the gifts:

- Splitting Khmer curry with Matthew the first lunch once the team arrived, his contented sigh after the first bite. I love getting to share favorites from my life here.

- Matthew and Michael were eager to explore and try new things, no matter where we went. Kristin and I tend to be much more reserved, so we appreciated their zeal. One day in Phnom Penh they rented a moto and explored the city. While I was pretty nervous, their grins and excitement after their adventure made it worth it.

- Hearing our brothers pray out loud as we walked throughout western Cambodia. Matthew's sharing after our afternoon in Pailin: "When we climbed to the top of the hill with the Buddhist statue I didn't know what to pray, so I just sang praise songs to God".

- Their constant, bubbling-over laughter. How we ran into the monkeys at Angkor Wat and the brothers made friends. We laughed when one of them stole Matthew's hat, over all of the silly antics, and Michael's ingenious snatching of the hat back. Taking crazy pictures, enjoying all of our different forms of transportation, just relaxing.

- Sibling dates. Sharing my first 4D movie experience with Matthew, familiar western food, and browsing the bookstore.

- How he read every sign and looked at every picture in the genocide museum because he truly wanted to know, because he cares about the Cambodian people.

- Breakfast waiting for us after our language lesson compliments of our brothers, even the dishes washed afterwards for us.

- Hugs goodbye at the airport, our hearts full.

Photo Credit: Michael Tillotson

{Border} Asking for the Right Road

Photo Credit: Michael Tillotson

Wednesday, August 27th
We asked the Holy Spirit for wisdom as we left the guesthouse, our team of four ready to pray and walk in Pailin our last afternoon there. "Lead us to the right road, the right people". The young woman from the church in Sompovloun pointed to a muddy side road. "Let's go that way," she said.

Being the two Khmer speakers (one native and the other at least functioning), we were to take the lead. "Are you sure?" I wanted to whisper to her and to the Holy Spirit. I have this thing about slipping and sliding in the mud, and getting my feet dirty. Yeah, I guess I need to get over that.

We set off, the road strangely quiet and peaceful. We asked for the peace that can only come from the Heavenly Father, His love raining down in this place.

One of the ladies in our group noticed the building to our left, a simple cross the only sign a group of believers might gather there. Slipping inside the gate, we could see a group of children eagerly reciting the Khmer alphabet, a young man attempting to keep them in line. He saw us coming and met us outside, and we explained our mission. "Here we are, walking and praying, and is there anything we can pray about for you and this church?"

He shared some of the history of the church, how God had worked and their efforts without outside help or dependance on foreigners. He and others were working to start new groups in neighboring villages, their desire to see people loving Jesus evident on his face and in his words.

We walked on just a little bit farther and our young friend, filled with increasing boldness, beckoned to us to follow her inside another gate to speak to a couple of grandmothers tying together banana leaves filled with rice on a wooden platform. "Did you just come from the church?" one of the grandmothers asked. "I believe in Jesus too, but my friend here hasn't trusted Jesus yet". She shared her testimony with us, her desire to see all of her children following The Lord.

There are challenges, many things that hold people back from Jesus. "My parents live at the temple because they are old," the other grandmother told us. "How can I just turn my back on them?" We shared Truth with her, while her believing friend affirmed and joined in.

God is at work. He is using His people in this place to reach their neighbors and those in nearby villages. He guided us specifically down that muddy road so we could get a taste of His glory in this little border town, and He is continuing to lead and guide as we listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit.

Plowing the Field

When a farmer desires a bountiful harvest, he doesn't go out one day and find the fields ready with the crop. It takes much planning and preparation. The land must be cleared of rocks and weeds, the ground must be plowed and smoothed out, and the seed planted. The farmer must wait for the rain, wait for the crop to grow before he can bring in the fruit of his labor.

We are looking forward to a bountiful harvest in Cambodia- worshipers of The Lord spreading throughout each province and beyond the borders of this country. There is much to be done before this harvest comes, and we are excited about what The Lord is going to do as He uses us to play a small part in seeing His glory come here.

On Friday, a team from America will be coming to be part of preparing for the harvest here in Cambodia. As a group we will travel to western Cambodia to prayer walk through villages in Battambang and Pailin provinces. We'll be joining the local pastor, praying over the areas where the church there is doing outreach, as well as traveling down the border to prayer walk through potential locations for Kristin and me to begin working early next year.

Would you join us in lifting up this time? I believe that God wants to prepare the ground for the harvest that will be coming. Let's join together before His throne in this work.

My supervisor Gayle has put together a schedule for each day and specfic requests. Please check that out here: http://cambodiaborderministry.blogspot.com/2014/07/prayer-walking-team-2014.html.

Also, here are a few things on my heart:

~ Please pray that as we walk and pray, people would see a joy in us that would stand out to them. Pray that this joy would overflow into conversations about the Father.

~ Please pray that we would be equipped to fight the spiritual battle that is being waged in these areas. There have been many strongholds and the Enemy does not want to give up his grip! Pray that we would have spiritual eyes, relying on the strength of the Holy Spirit and daily putting on our spiritual armor.

~ In addition to prayer walking, the team will also be doing a teaching time on marriage and singleness the last few days of the trip. Kristin and I will be sharing a few thoughts on singleness in Khmer. I go back and forth between being so excited to share and discuss this important topic all together, and being utterly terrified/overwhelmed at the thought of having to talk about such deep things for such a long time in my 2nd language. :) But I know The Lord is so faithful, and He will be my help and strength. Please pray for a clear mind and the words I need as we share.

Thank you for praying!

Content in the Uncomfortable

Note: I have just loved hearing from my siblings this summer! Each one has a unique pespective and wisdom to share. Up next, my sister Emily who just got back from spending 2 months in Africa. She is here to share some of the things God taught her through her experiences! If you want to learn about some of her other adventures, you can read back through her blog: http://missionzimzam.blogspot.com. 

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By Emily Hilkemann

Two months ago I stepped off a plane and took my first steps on African soil. This was my first trip to Africa, my first trip out of the U.S. and really, my first time to be so far from home for such a long period of time. I had no idea what to expect. My first bit of culture shock came when we started driving on the left side of the road. The second came when I started noticing all the trash littering the sides of the road. The third came when our host explained how to take a bucket shower. But none of those are a big deal right? I didn’t have to drive, no smell accompanied the trash and I got to take a shower every single day. Merely twinges of discomfort.

As we continued on our trip and ventured further and further away from the city and into the bush these moments of discomfort became a little more common. We were served whole fish of varying sizes as well as goat intestines, liver and kidneys; toilets became simply a hole in the ground; fewer and fewer people could actually speak English. These took a bit more to get used to. But I did. Granted I avoided the fish and goat guts as much as possible, but I started to cherish the walk to the pit latrine while gazing at the moon and the stars and one doesn’t need to speak the same language to play with kids.

To be perfectly honest, during the whole trip I had it pretty easy. No one on our team got all that sick, food was prepared for us at each meal, we often had chocolate, biscuits or even pizza to eat, and we always had a place to sleep at night, even if it was just a mattress on the floor.

One week about halfway through the trip I was really struggling. I was tired and I was having trouble being thankful for anything. But that day during church our team leader said something that I will never forget. He was talking about Romans 12:2 which says not to conform to this world. He said that to conform means to be comfortable. But Jesus told us to take up our cross and follow Him, giving our whole lives as a sacrifice, which doesn’t mean we are going to be living in the lap of luxury. In fact Matthew 5:10-12 (The Message) says, “You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom. Not only that – count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens-give a cheer, even! - forthrough they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.” Now we weren’t being persecuted, rather we were welcomed with open arms wherever we went. No, I was just struggling with being away from the familiar, the comfort of my bed at home and being able to understand the language.

Some times it’s hard to be thankful. But that’s okay. One morning I woke up with this song from my childhood in my heart “Thank you! Oh thank you, my God for what you’ve done. You gave the greatest gift of all. Thank you for your only Son!” If we have nothing else in this world, we at least have the love of Jesus and that is enough. So on this trip I learned to be content in the uncomfortable. After all, as long as I am where God wants me to be, why would I want to be anywhere else?

{Beauty}

I come from the most boring state, according to some people. Interstate 80 stretches straight across from east to west with nothing but endless cornfields and empty plains to keep one company. The entire population of Nebraska is smaller than the city in which I now reside. There are no major tourist attractions, no professional sporting teams, no mountains, and you are about as far away from the ocean in any direction as you can get.

But come with me down the lane of my family farm, past the alfalfa that has just been cut and take a deep breath of its earthy sweet scent, provision for livestock for the winter. See the corn swaying slightly in the breeze, the last light of the day glistening on the leaves bright green, as the colors of a gorgeous sunset all pink and orange are painted across the sky by the Master Designer. You might see boring, but I see beauty.

We sat together on a wooden platform, curious neighbors gathering around in a little village to hear these strange foreigners speak Khmer. "Tell me why I should believe in God", one young man challenged. I breathed a prayer, "Lord, why me? What do I have to say to him?" I shared my story, bits and pieces, mustering as much brave as my little heart could find to speak clearly the words in my second language.

I didn't see her approach to be honest. But all of a sudden she was there, sitting on the bench beside the platform. A smile broke out on her face that bore stories of tragedy, the marks made by an acid attack leaving her mostly blind. In the midst of the mud and the trash of this village in poverty, in the face of all she had been through and the pain and loneliness of rejection, was there beauty here?

She gave me the gift of understanding. While some got frustrated because at times our words sounded different, because I didn't know how to answer his questions the way he wanted, she nodded and affirmed and touched my knee and said, "Let me tell you what God has done for me." Her brave shone forth as she poured out a heart story of God's provision and His love.

We walked down the path, avoiding the puddles from the rain the night before, smiling and greeting the neighbors on the way by. We crawled up into her little house, built with love by the local family of believers. She asked us to pray, for peace in the hard things. You might see the ugly scars of poverty and loneliness and a hard life, but I see beauty.

In the midst of a tough morning of missing home and feeling less-than, beauty came in the form of a little boy who walked to the front of a church full of people and shared his testimony of God's strength for a hard test, the verses he memorized and recited from Proverbs 3:5-6 echoing in my heart long after.

In the midst of the neighbor's angry words out the window, day 35 of constant pounding from the construction in our building, beauty came in the form of Kristin's violin playing, the sweet notes of "How Deep the Father's Love for Us" taking hold as the Father says, "Yes, remember this".

The storms come, the boring and the ugly and the hard and the scary can altogether overshadow us. The Master Creator of the Universe and the Friend who intimately knows our hearts wants to take our hand and walk down the lane, and show us the beauty, the gifts in the midst of it all.

Where do you see beauty today?

Fishers of Men

Kristin and I just got back from a home stay in a fishing village on the coast in Kompong Saum province. We spent time in the home of the local pastor and his family, and we had lots of opportunities to visit with people in the area, sharing encouragement and testimonies and praying with people.

In some ways I'm tempted to tell you just the highlights, to say it was an amazing time, my language ability increased greatly, and so on. There were definitely some challenges though, moments when I felt overwhelmed and even wondered why in the world God called me here because of my weaknesses. But, He was gracious to stretch, teach and encourage me. I want to share a little bit of both sides and hopefully give you a realistic but fun picture of our time in this coastal district.

- The pastor runs a little pharmacy counter in the front of his home, as well as a DVD rental "shop" in the evenings. This gave us a great opportunity to visit with lots of different people, and to observe and listen to natural conversation. We learned that Thai soap operas and Japanese action series are favorites, that we have big noses, and various local gossip. Some people were eager to ask questions and chat with us. Others hadn't seen foreigners much before, and their routine was to come by every evening and stare at us, which was a bit unnerving. They didn't seem to realize we could understand what they were saying as they speculated over whether our hair color was natural and why we had shown up in their village.

- Each day we went out with the pastor's wife to visit with different families from the small congregation. It was exciting to have the language ability to share words of encouragement, testimonies and some of the Bible stories we have been learning! We also shared during a couple of meetings with kids and during the Sunday worship service. Many of these families have very difficult home situations, unbelieving family members and a lack of resources and opportunities.

- We took the words of Luke 10 literally and "ate and drank what was set before us". While almost everything we ate was delicious, a few more challenging things were durian smoothies, white fungus energy drinks, soy bean dessert, and unknown pieces of meat.

- The pastor was an amazing story teller and we got to learn about his childhood, surviving the Khmer Rouge years, how he came to know Christ, and some of the persecution they have suffered. The first few days it felt as though the words were bouncing off my brain and not really finding their way to an area of comprehension. This was due in part to a different accent than we are used to, a lack of coffee (um....perhaps I am slightly addicted?), weariness, and LOTS of people time for this introverted girl. Thankfully we were able to adjust and really appreciate what was shared with us.

- We went to visit a little village to share with a group of kids on Sunday afternoon. The church has just started reaching out in this area, and the kids had never seen tall, white foreigners before. They had never heard of America, as most of them don't have TVs and haven't had the chance to go to school. They were pretty afraid of us, and I think had a hard time even paying attention or understanding how Khmer was coming out of our mouths.

Photo Credit: Kristin Tillotson

- I am pretty sure that I pray like a 5-year old in Khmer. The people here use a higher, royal language when talking about God, and although we have been learning and practicing to pray, I was discouraged at first hearing others' eloquent prayers and feeling inadequate in praying in the different homes of people we visited and together with our host family during their evening devotions. I realized, however, that even though it is important to address God respectfully, perhaps it is okay to pray simply and to talk to God as my Father and Friend. It might be really intimidating for people who have never set foot in a church building or who are just learning about God to think about talking to Him. In this way I can identify with people and show that God knows our hearts and He hears our prayers no matter the language or how elaborately or simply we pray.

- The believers have found the hearts of people in this area to be hard and resistant to the gospel. They want to share and reach out, so pray for courage and wisdom as they do and that God would open the hearts of people and lead the believers to these persons of peace.

Eyes Open

Do you pray with your eyes open?

Kristin and I have been prayer walking a lot lately, marching up and down the streets in inner city Phnom Penh. It is quite a necessity to keep one's eyes open in this praying endeavor, or you will get hit by a moto, fall in the gutter or step in who-knows-what.

I have been asking God lately to open the eyes of my heart, to see people the way that he sees them, to pray for the things he wants me to pray for.

Last week I said to Kristin, "Could we stop for a moment? I feel like this building is significant". It wasn't an uncommon sight here in the city, a building mostly demolished, crumbling. Why this one, right here? I don't know if there is actually anything about this place, this moment in particular. But God showed me in that moment that he longs to rebuild this area, this nation, this people. To bring healing and restoration, beauty out of the ashes and out of the broken. So those were the words of prayer I whispered as we continued on. "Beauty out of the ashes, Lord, for your glory." How will He do this, in this place of darkness? His hope is coming, of this I am sure. His church, his people are sharing the stories of His goodness and there is much more work to be done.

So pray with your eyes and ears and hearts open to hear the message from our King and kind Father, to know the ways He wants you to pray and to grow in faith for what He is going to do.

Beauty out of ashes

Tuning from the Master

I have been mulling over the old hymn, "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing", the words rumbling around in my head as they sink into my heart. Especially the first few lines:

Come, Thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing your grace. 
Streams of mercy never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise. 

The fountain of every blessing that we could ever imagine, the source of all that is good and all that we need. Do I run to it? Do I drink from the flowing streams of mercy? Or is my heart seriously out of tune, more like a banging gong and not something all together beautiful?

When complaining flows from our hearts and out of our mouths we are in need of a good heart-tuning. When our words harm rather than help, when we tear down rather than build up, we show our lack of filling from the everlasting streams. I am quick to get frustrated or pass judgment or give in to feelings of inferiority. There are plenty of reasons in the physical realm, things like construction in our apartment building and the CONSTANT banging and noise, mice (I will spare you the gruesome details), and days without rain leading to 100% humidity. Yes, I could complain and put it out there for the world to see (isn't that what I just did here). But the notes would all be off, the sounds would be the cause of dogs howling for miles.

But when Grace comes and in and tunes things up and makes things new, covers over all the frustrations...they are still there, but my focus is on praising. The very loudest praising is what is due! The overflowing streams of God's mercy to me should turn my heart around from complaining or words that are not lovely to words that are beautiful and honoring and become a symphony of praise to my Father.