The Power of the Introvert...And the Extrovert

If you have ever interacted with me in person, you know that I am an introvert. Quiet as I internally process, passionate enough about certain things to speak out, needing time alone or with only one or two people in order to "recharge my battery". I first learned about the Myers-Briggs Type Inventory in college when my campus ministry discipleship team was assigned to take it. Having studied psychology as a minor I was familiar with personality tests, but was very curious when I sat down with the career counselor who administered the test to talk about my results. She explained to me for the first time the difference between extroversion and introversion, the first continuum on the inventory. It went beyond just being outgoing verses quiet, but rather had to do with the way we process, take in information, find our energy and make decisions.

I was amazed. I had often wondered why some people could be called on randomly in class and work up an answer on the spot, and why I would think through an answer and be ready to give it only to find the discussion had moved on to another topic. I wondered why I would enjoy myself thoroughly at a floor event or with my friends hanging out, but need to retreat to the computer lab for some alone time or just to chat one-on-one with my roommate with our door closed. For the first time I realized that there wasn't something wrong with me, that I wasn't less than ideal.

Since then, I have discovered there are other introverts in the world! I have read several books and discovered how even the extroverted and introverted brains are different in the path that signals go and how quickly or slowly the blood flows.

To me, all of this points to a Creator God who enjoys diversity and makes each of us different yet beautiful in his eyes. Although our culture tends to value one personality type over the other, God sees each of us as important and there is value in both types and the amazing variety that can happen along the continuum of introversion and extroversion.

We need to celebrate this diversity and recognize the need to understand not only ourselves but one another. Much has been written as of late about the power of introverts and how to survive in an extroverted world. I have found some very empowering ideas in these books especially as I learn more about the physiological aspect, but these should not spur me on to demonize extroverts or play the victim.

We are called to serve one another, which means we need to understand how to help those who are different from us thrive. I appreciate when people know that even if I don't speak up right away it doesn't mean that I don't have an opinion or don't know how to form one. It helps me when people don't feel sorry for me when I need to retreat but allow me space for quiet even if we are in the same room. In turn, I can learn to listen well as an extrovert processes outloud and comes to a conclusion through a  much different method than I would have, and perhaps learn good questions to help them process. If they need to go to a party or stay up way past midnight talking because their passionate juices have really gotten flowing, then I need to allow them to do that and perhaps sleep in the next morning.

One is not better than the other, nor can we simply put a label on one another. I want to strive to better understand and celebrate the amazing diversity that God has given us while letting Him shine the light on who He has uniquely created me to be.

Source of All

Romans 8:32 He who did not spare His own Son, but gave him up for us all- how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things? 

God sent His own Son for us, so why would He not be eager to provide for our every need? Amazing, isn't it?

Set Free

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

Imagine...

Being set free from fear

No longer held captive by alcohol, gambling, addiction

No longer empty

A new creation in Jesus 

Seeing God transform families and communities

This is the prayer, the dream, the vision for the Khmer people.

This is what we want to be a part of among all unreached peoples. 

Counting One Thousand Gifts

One of the books that most impacted me last year was One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. She has an incredible way of putting words together that lift your spirit and point you straight to our Savior.

Last year I was struggling through the journey of God’s calling to Cambodia and all of the changes it meant. I am definitely a girl who loves routine and the comfortable, so moving around the world to a culture I don’t understand and a language I don’t yet know was incredibly intimidating. I also was having a hard time with the idea of leaving the home office and the family I have found here. I hate goodbyes! I read the book in the midst of all of that, and God used the concept of thankfulness to really help me shift my focus back to Him. At first, any time I would encounter a tough situation I would stop and think about 3 or 4 things that I was thankful for in the midst of all that was going on. Not just general things, but specific parts of that situation that I could turn into a act of gratitude. I was challenged to make it a daily practice of writing down the gifts. As I started to make this a daily habit, I began to see more and more gifts that I had never noticed before. Sometimes I would begrudging write down something that didn’t seem like a gift at all at the moment, asking God to change my heart and see with a different perspective. And He often answered that prayer! By writing down and keeping track of the gifts, I have now an amazing monument of God’s faithfulness through the last three months.

Last week I reached one thousand gifts! I'm not done though because thankfulness is a daily, lifetime task. There are days when I struggle to find the gifts and other days when I can’t write fast enough all the big and little blessings. When thankfulness becomes a habit, God replaces fear with peace and joy that overflows.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

Here are a few of my gifts. Don't worry, I won't list all 1,000! As you can see, there is a wide range- some big and some little! 

1. Hymns in the wee hours

14. Perfect weather for time on the swing

30. Overhearing funny conversations in the hallway

44. A gift of money exactly when I needed that encouragement

78. Coffee/hot chocolate combo

92. Elohim- the God who created me just as I am

129. Learning a new Cambodian word

200. Fundraising is not about me

236. Working traffic lights

254. A Nebraska win at the last second

358. Sunday school laughter

362. A sermon in English & Khmer

433. Round after round of Spoons at Thanksgiving

463. The colors of a Nebraska sunrise

556. The brief moments just to chat

581. A short wait at the post office

627. Sweet hugs goodbye

661. A coffee cup waiting for me

723. Snowflakes falling, swirling, through the morning

805. Stories of God's faithfulness

877. Grace to switch plans

933. The people who said thank you

948. Sitting outside at Starbucks in January

993. How the foggy mist makes it feel peaceful

1000. Counting gifts and the joy that comes from Thanksgiving!

One Another Mission- Humility

1 Peter 5:5b-7 All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble”. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Comparing ourselves to others is such an easy thing to do, right? We look at someone else and find that they are “above” us in some way, whether it is in education, intellect, influence, fashion or possessions. Or, we go the other way and find that we are superior in some way. This can lead to being intimidated, judging someone falsely, acting in ways that are prideful or missing an opportunity to build a relationship.

True humility starts with a right perspective- looking to God. When we humble ourselves under God’s mighty hand, I think we can look at ourselves—and others—with God’s eyes and His heart. In some areas this means that we have to realize our brokenness but in other ways, we are treasured by God and loved by Him. The same is true with everyone around us. The superficial measures that we often use to judge others are not important to God. He sees our heart and when our heart is right before Him, He can lead us into right relationships with others bases on things that are real and true.

I think it is interesting that Peter adds to cast our anxiety on God. Humility and living in right relationship with one another is not easy! God is our source of strength and He can provide all that we need when we keep our focus on Him. 

What is God teaching you about humility?

New Year's Resolution

I have never been big on New Year's resolutions, but the start of January and a brand new year does present the opportunity to reflect on the previous year and look ahead with expectation and even a few goals.

As I was thinking back over 2012, one of the things that stuck out to me was the way I have seen my siblings dig deeper in their relationship with Jesus. They have impressed me and encouraged me, surprising me sometimes with the depth of their faith and in a sense, challenging me in the same way.

Based on that, I started to look at my own relationship with The Lord and was challenged to let Him be my sufficiency- and to learn and grow in my understanding of what that means for me this year. I can be stubborn and independent, hating to ask for help unless absolutely necessary. Yet, even though I like to depend only on myself, there is still a longing in my heart that is easy to fill with other things. Truthfully only God can fill that hole, putting joy there that can bubble up and spill over as I allow Him to work in my heart. One of the ways I have been growing in this area is by reading more Scripture, and asking God to give me an even greater hunger for His Truth. I don't want devotions to be just another check-mark on my "good things done" list, but rather one of the tools that God uses to teach and guide me. I have found so far that the more I read, the more I want to read. Sure, there are plenty of things that can distract from that time with God, but when I see it not just as a task but rather my lifeline, it becomes so much more important.

Did God challenge you with any New Year's resolutions? How are you growing in your relationship with Him?

The "One Another" Mission

Have you ever read through God’s Word looking for the “one another” commands? There are a bunch of them! Love one another, serve one another, accept one another, just to name a few. This tells me a couple of things. First, we are not meant to live the Christian life alone. God intends for us to grow in Him through community, through our interactions with other believers. Although by nature I am more of an introverted person and do not mind a quiet evening at home with a book (and much prefer this most of the time), I find that when I study God’s Word with other believers, pray with them, do life with them, that I see so many different aspects of God that I would miss by myself. Second, God gives specific commands for what our interactions are to look like. Our human nature does not lend itself to peaceful, perfect relationships, but we have the blue print for what these relationships should look like in Christ.

Here is an example to start with: John 13:34-35: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another”.

I saw something in these verses I hadn’t seen before. I normally focus on the “love one another” part, but that is not all. We are to love as Jesus loved us. So, we must ask ourselves, “How did Jesus love?”

Wow. Jesus lived out His love by dying in our place. There is a fullness in that love that is honestly beyond my understanding. It is undeserved. Jesus’ love gives me confidence because there is no fear in His love, yet it spurs me on to obedience as well. While Christ lived on earth, it was love that overflowed as He addressed the crowds, healed the sick, raised the dead, and even, I think, challenged the Pharisees. He wanted more for them than a life of legalism and tradition.

What a model for how I am to love others. I cannot love in the perfect way that Jesus did, and yet this is what I am commanded to seek to do. The only way I know to love others is to try to understand Jesus’ love for me, and to ask to be filled in the same way so that I can love others.

What are your thoughts? Add them in the comments and I would enjoy hearing what you have to say.

Check back in the weeks to come for more “one anothers”!

Time Machine

Sometimes I wish I had a time machine. I would go back and live those moments that were beautiful, special. I would go back to Christmas Eve 2012, singing out-of-tune Christmas carols with my family while looking at lights, dancing like crazy people to my brother's playlist, staying up late with my siblings as we talked from our hearts in the darkness. But life has gone on since then, and would I trade the moments God has given me today for a chance to relive moments in the past? They are memories, precious treasures. But we are not made to live in the past but to embrace today. God did not create the ability to go back in time, and he gives us the grace to be present today, to enjoy and celebrate, to endure hardship and to come out on the other end. He is the author of time. Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.

Traditions, Old and New

I love the word 'tradition' when applied to the holidays. My family has so many fun traditions that we have kept up over the years, especially around Christmas. Some have even come from my own parents' childhood! A few of them have evolved through the years, but it is so wonderful to celebrate them as a family when we are all together.

This year was no exception! We also did a few new things this year that will surely stick around. Here are a few of the highlights!

1. Christmas Tree Decorating
My family always gets a real tree and decorates it together. I love pulling out ornaments and filling up the tree! Some people like to have a theme or just a few decorations perfectly placed, but I would much rather have our family's tree filled with memories.

My aunt and uncle started a tradition 16 years ago of giving my siblings and I a different ornament every year until we turn 18. Often our ornaments each year were similar, but were specifically suited to each one of us. Decorating the tree means pulling out our individual ornaments. Someday, we will be able to take our own ornaments and put them on our own tree.

2. Playing games
For many years my parents would give us a new family game for Christmas. My siblings and I took up the tradition and have been picking out a new game for all of us to play together each year. It is always fun to play different games throughout the Christmas break time. This year on the Saturday before Christmas, my siblings and I had a game marathon- playing a few rounds of a bunch of different games we hadn't played in awhile. Taboo at midnight combined with a lack of sleep sure makes for a lot of laughter!

3. Dance Parties, Pump up songs and Sign-making 
These would go under the category of new traditions. Christmas Eve we were in a jolly mood, and before going to bed we had an impromptu dance party! Throughout my time at home, my brother would select a song to get us pumped up for whatever we were about to do- be it shopping, eating dinner, playing a game or taking pictures. He had songs for every occasion.

My siblings also came up with the idea to make funny signs and use them in our picture-taking. They speak for themselves.

4. Christmas morning
After our annual sibling sleepover on Christmas Eve, we open our stockings as a family, enjoy a breakfast of little boxes of cereal and cran-apple juice, and then open presents. Although I enjoy all of these traditions (presents and candy are great), the best part is just being together as family. Especially knowing that I will be missing out on Christmas with my family for awhile after I leave for Cambodia, that time together is so sweet.

I will probably have to come up with some new traditions (or find a way to continue them Cambodian-style) but I am so thankful for a fun time with my family and our traditions, both old and new.

Lessons From the Farmer

When I am home I always enjoy going over to my grandpa Hilkemann’s for supper. He and my dad share a meal every Wednesday night, and my grandpa at 87 still cooks up some mashed potatoes and gravy, corn and chicken. It is always special to join them, and this week a coffee cup waited at my plate so he and I could enjoy an after dinner cup together, something we started just a couple of years ago.

My grandpa was part of the first generation of Hilkemanns born in the United States, and he didn’t get more than an 8^th grade education. He has never used a computer, gets frustrated with most modern conveniences, and lives a simple life.

But my grandpa is one of the smartest people I know. He can tell you what the weather will do simply by looking at the clouds and checking the direction the wind is coming from. He can diagnose livestock diseases, fix machinery, knows intuitively when to plant and when to harvest, and how to make a profit. He has had to use economics, physics, chemistry, biology, algebra, and geometry while lacking a degree in any of these. He still remembers the ebb and flow of droughts and good years, who owned what farm and what crop they put in.

My grandpa has modeled hard work, the kind where you put in long hours and get your hands dirty and finish the job. He has passed on those kinds of lessons to my dad, who has passed them down to us. My heritage is found in the soil of rural Nebraska, the many years and work invested in this place. While I have also inherited the Hilkemann bad back and knees, I treasure the model and lessons passed down to me by my grandpa Hilkemann.